Kids in the Hall: Same Guys, New Dresses (2001)

Synopsis: Once-edgy comedians come back for another cross-dressing, head-crushing, eeeevil North American tour. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: "Same Guys New Dresses records the action on and off the stage as the five original Kids In the Hall embark on a high pressure North American in an attempt to rebond as a performing group six years after the run of their successful TV series and rebound from the experience of Brain Candy, their one feature film." 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Based upon his obsession with including a robot dog in the Buddy Cole routine, and his bizarre decision to cancel an appearance on the Conan O’Brien Show at the last minute, I’d say Scott Thompson is a bit of a flake. 1b) Robot dogs aren’t funny. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know it's tough to go on tour and attempt to regain your former glory. 

Really?: 1) Funny how the footage focuses almost entirely on Thompson, Dave Foley, and Kevin McDonald. Was Bruce McCulloch less-than-enthused about making a documentary?  2) Why in the world would Foley schedule laser eye surgery for the day of a performance? 

Rating: As a long-time Kids in the Hall fan, I was a little disappointed with Same Guys, New Dresses for the simple reason that it seems confused; we see bits and pieces of the team’s stage show, as well as a few of their backstage interactions, but there are far too many “the making of…” scenes of the Kids learning choreography or trying on makeup (and all taking at the same time!) for my taste, and the audience isn’t given that much insight into their interpersonal dynamics. 6/10 stars

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0279176/?ref_=nv_sr_4

Give My Regards to Broad Street (1984)

Synopsis: Supremely-compassionate British rocker discovers a valuable master recording of a new album is missing and his company faces a corporate takeover if it isn’t recovered by midnight, so... he spends the day singing songs and daydreaming a bizarre pantomime set in Victorian times. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Screenwriter/star PAUL McCARTNEY creates a rousing musical fantasy about a pop singer/composer (McCartney) who discovers the master tapes of his new unreleased album have disappeared.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Ringo likes to smoke weed and hit on chicks. 2) Paul apparently regards speed limits as mere suggestions, and possesses an uncanny ability to track down missing people. 3) Paul has been off for years. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You need a reminder that Paul McCartney is a great judge of character. 

Really?: 1) Holy shit, what was the point of that whole Victorian-era daydream sequence? [Spoiler Alert! Spoiler Alert!] 2) So, on a whim, Paul decides to check out the Broad Street subway station, and he finds the tape box just sitting on a nearby bench? Nobody even touched it in all the time after Harry placed it there when he needed to take a pee?  3) Let me see…. Paul’s buddy accidentally side-swipes Big Bob’s pickup truck as he’s driving the zillionaire star to the recording studio, and Paul neglects to inform Big Bob when he speaks to him, let alone offer to pay for the damages? What a pal…

Rating: Give My Regards to Broad Street can best be described as a self-indulgent ego trip by Paul McCartney. The film includes a lot of great music and some very high production values (which is why I’m giving it a few stars), but it’s far too long to work as merely a collection of music videos. The biggest problem I have with this film – aside from McCartney’s noticeable lack of acting skills – is that there’s no story, and none of the characters are ever developed, so talented performers like Brown, Tracey Ullman, and Barbara Bach are given nothing to do. The non-musical scenes basically consist of everyone giving Paul a hard time for hiring ex-con Harry, and Paul smugly replying that they’re wrong and there’s nothing to worry about. I cannot recommend this movie. 3/10 stars. 

Would it Work For a Bad Movie Night?: Sure - take a drink anytime you find yourself asking: "when exactly is Paul going to do something to find Harry?"

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087337/?ref_=nv_sr_1

The Proud Ones (1956)

Synopsis: Concussed marshal takes on oily casino owner… who doesn’t really want any trouble, and only wishes to be left alone. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “When the law is broken, justice can’t be far behind.” 

What Did I Learn?: More people means more money….or possibly more trouble. 2) Pride can kill a man faster than a bullet. 3) Taking care of yourself is one thing; taking care of a town is another. 4) You can always hire the fools and the drunkards to do something, but when trouble comes, men are hard to find. 5) At night, always walk in the shadows – you can see better. In the daytime, walk away from the sun – you’ll live longer. 6) There’s a good chance you could develop a concussion after receiving a violent head wound. [I’ve always found it amusing how heroes are knocked unconscious in countless movies and television shows, yet they simply wake up and suffer no lasting consequences afterwards]

You Might Like This Movie If: You'll watch anything from 1956.

Really?: 1) See: “Synopsis”. Seriously, John Barrett never seems like a terribly bad guy for a villain, and it’s never made clear if he’s behind Pike’s and Chico’s attempts to murder Marshall Silver or not. 2) Funny how Sally basically disappears from this movie for a long stretch of time, and what was the point of Thad Anderson’s attempt to seduce her? It never leads to anything. 3) Wow….Silver and Anderson both shoot men in the back. 

Rating: The Proud Ones is a rather ho-hum mid-1950s Western that was shot almost entirely on a soundstage, so it doesn’t feature much in the way of stunning visuals. While I liked Robert Ryan’s portrayal of Marshall Silver, it takes a looooong time for anything to happen, and the film needs a more compelling villain. 6.5/10 stars

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0049639/?ref_=rvi_tt

Houseguest (1995)

Synopsis: Dysfunctional upper-middle class family benefits enormously when loveable criminal shows up on their doorstep….sorry, that’s the Synopsis for The Ref.  Hmm…. Mobsters chase glib goofball to recover a surprisingly small debt….no, that’s We’re Talking Serious Money. Ok… Sinbad… Phil Hartman…mayhem in the suburbs…hey, it’s Jingle All the Way without Ahhnold. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “They’re just your average everyday uptight family… until the day he shows up!” 

What Did I Learn?: A puree of parsnips and crook-neck squash does NOT taste like nacho cheese. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're convinced that Phil Hartman + Sinbad = comedic gold. [Wow, this song is bad]

Really?: So, wait – the Gasperinis follow Kevin all over rural Pennsylvania to collect the princely sum of $5,000? 2) Holy shit, did McDonald’s front the cash for this film’s production budget? 3) Strange how Kevin clearly knows nothing about dentistry, wine, golf, and a number of other subjects, and whenever anyone challenges him his only strategy is to get angry and viciously ridicule his challenger – and it somehow works every time. 4) Gary (Hartman) finally gets to meet the real Derek Bond - his childhood summer camp buddy - and… they barely exchange a word. I guess the writers couldn’t think of any worthwhile dialogue. 

Rating: Houseguest is just plain awful, which is strange because I somehow remember it being a lot funnier; perhaps I was drunk at the time? Sinbad does his best with the material, but it’s incredibly contrived, juvenile and clichéd; meanwhile, the legendary Hartman is wasted in a straight-man role and looks as though he’s sleepwalking through an overly-long SNL sketch. I cannot recommend this movie. 4/10 stars. 

Would it Work for a Bad Movie Night?: Sure – take a drink any time Kevin expresses his love for the golden arches. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110066/?ref_=rvi_tt

Housesitter (1992)

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Housesitter obviously isn't Irish-themed, so please click the links to read my reviews of the films based upon Roddy Doyle's Barrytown trilogy: The Commitments, The Snapper and The Van. 

Synopsis: Free spirit teaches stuffed shirt that lying can bring people together and radically improve relationships. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: "She came. She saw. She moved in." 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Half the things we tell ourselves are fiction. 2) Small-town New Englanders are very, very gullible. 

You Might Like This Movie If: you've always wanted to see Goldie Hawn attempt interpretive dance. 

Really?: Housesitter is a screwball comedy that isn’t meant to be taken too seriously, so I can overlook certain whimsical elements like Davis building a cottage for Gwen’s homeless “parents,” or nobody calling the cops after Davis punches a perfectly innocent Hungarian, but seriously – what happened to Davis’ buddy Marty, or Gwen’s old friend Patty? Both seem to disappear without a trace mid-way through the movie, and neither is present at the big reception. 

Rating: This might be a slightly overly-generous review, but I have to admit that I’ve always liked Housesitter, even if it has a few credibility problems (see: “Really?”) The script is clever and genuinely funny, Martin and Hawn share an undeniable chemistry, and it’s fascinating to watch Gwen’s lies take on lives of their own and suddenly become reality. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104452/?ref_=rvi_tt

Free Enterprise (1998)

Synopsis: Loveable dorks approaching the big 3-OH make the startling realization that William Shatner is a bit of a whackjob. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “FREE ENTERPRISE changed the way fans saw William Shatner and themselves in a performance since called a comic masterpiece.” 

What Did I Learn?: It’s not a great idea to wear a Starfleet uniform on your first day of high school. 

You Might Like This Movie If: you would gladly accept a promise from William Shatner. 

Really?: 1) Apparently, it’s really easy to bang hot model-actress chicks in Hollywood when you’re flat broke, carless and always discussing Star Trek in casual conversation. 2) I realize Mark and Sean consider Robert to be a good friend, but I had a hard time believing they would lend him so much dough knowing he has no means of repaying them, and doesn’t seem all that eager to get his career back on track. 3) Ok, Shatner’s idea of producing, and starring in a musical version of Julius Caesar is pretty wacky, but wouldn’t he have an extensive network of people in the entertainment industry? Why would he humour Mark and Robert when it’s obvious neither of them have any influence? 

Rating: Free Enterprise is the sort of film I’ve always enjoyed: character-and-dialogue-driven comedy-dramas that provide some insight into the human condition and don’t take themselves too seriously. On the whole, Free Enterprise is an entertaining, often-funny and cleverly-written low-budget film, and Shatner is hilarious when he pokes fun at his action hero image - you also have to like his unique take on Shakespeare. Unfortunately, some of the humour falls flat, Mark and Robert aren’t terribly likeable, and long stretches pass between Shatner’s appearances. 8/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0141105/?ref_=rvi_tt

Star Trek (2009)

Please click the link to read my review of Star Trek: The Motion Picture

Synopsis: Hollywood attempts to revive ailing billion-dollar franchise by rebooting once-popular 40-year-old TV series. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “The future begins in JJ Abrams’ smash hit STAR TREK.” 

What Did I Learn?: Apparently, they’re still listening to the Beastie Boys and selling gasoline to power 1960/1970s lead sleds in the 23^rd Century. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're a die-hard Trekkie. 

Really?: Wow….where do I begin? Ok, here goes… 1) What’s “red matter”? How does it work? Why does it create black holes? And how exactly would Spock save Romulus by transforming its supernova sun into a black hole? 2) So, wait – Nero is pissed at Spock because he tried to prevent the disaster and failed? And instead of…I don’t know….warning contemporary Romulans that their sun will go nova in 130 years, he waits around in space for 25 years to exact revenge upon the guy who tried to save his planet, and everyone connected to him? 3) I had a hard time believing Spock would load Kirk into a pod and jettison him towards a nearby planet (wouldn’t the brig suffice?). I had an even harder time believing he would somehow run into future Spock and Scotty within a few hours of landing on the surface. 4) Spock advises himself to put aside logic and do what feels right? That doesn’t sound like Spock. 5) Take a drink any time Kirk hangs precariously and looks as though he’s about to fall to his death. 6) Hold on – aside from Captain Pike, why is the Federation’s flagship vessel crewed entirely by early 20-something cadets, and why would Pike appoint Kirk First Officer? And how in the world does Kirk bypass the ranks of Ensign, Lieutenant, Lt-Commander and Commander to officially become Captain of the Enterprise at the end? 7) What was the point of Scotty transporting into the Enterprise’s plumbing system? And he’s appointed to the role of Chief Engineer soon after beaming aboard? 8) Nero’s ship is a mining vessel, right? Why does it resemble a giant porcupine, and why is it armed to the teeth? 9) See: “What Did I Learn?”

Rating: A friend from high school assured me several years ago that I would like this movie; he was wrong. Star Trek is ok as a popcorn flick (which is why I’m giving this a barely-passing grade), but it has some credibility problems (see: “What Did I Learn?” and “Really?”), its characters bear little resemblance to their namesakes on the television series (Scotty is bumbling comic relief? Kirk is a reckless, authority-challenging asshole? The Vulcans take a “whatevs” approach to logic?), the fast-paced intercutting is difficult to follow, and the whole thing just struck me as a cynical cash-grab (see: “Synopsis”). 5.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0796366/?ref_=rvi_tt

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

Synopsis: Bruce Campbell opens a can of whoop-ass on evil undead….no, that’s the synopsis for Army of Darkness. Um…. Ossie Davis humours an elderly, and possibly delusional buddy on an ill-advised adventure…no, that’s I’m Not Rappaport. Ok, the King of Rock-and-Roll abandons his identity, poses as a regular Joe, and goes on a mission to help others….no, that’s Finding Graceland.

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Mud Creek, Texas, is about to get all shook up.” 

What Did I Learn?: If you have a bad hip and generally get around with the aid of a walker, it’s probably not a great idea to attempt a karate move. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're pretty sure Elvis didn't kick the bucket in 1977.

Really?: This movie asks us to believe Elvis switched identities with an impersonator and somehow wound up in a fleabag East Texas nursing home, his best friend is an elderly black guy who thinks he’s JFK, and the two of them are forced to forced to fight a 3,000-year old Egyptian mummy who feeds on the souls of the living. I don’t know where to begin. 

Rating: Bubba Ho-Tep is one weird movie: part horror, part black comedy, and part character-driven drama about the fears of growing old and importance of feeling needed. I can’t call BHT a great film, but it spins a good yarn, and cult actor Campbell finds the right balance between noble and pathetic in his portrayal of Elvis. Check it out if you get a chance. 8/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0281686/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Protecting the King (2007)

Please click the links to read my reviews of two other Elvis-themed movies: 3000 Miles to Graceland, and Finding Graceland. 

Synopsis: Violent, coke-snorting philanderer is paid big money to protect another violent, pill-popping philanderer….who can sing. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Sex, drugs and violence - they’re all part of the job when you’re working for the King of Rock & Roll.” 

What Did I Learn?: If you’re ever arrested for statutory rape, your best defence is to immediately leave the state is soon as you’re released because the entire matter will be immediately dropped and forgotten. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that it isn't easy to be the King of Rock-and-Roll. 

Really?: 1) So, where’s Priscilla? Where’s Colonel Tom Parker? Why doesn’t anyone address, or refer to Elvis by name? Why just “the King?” 2) Let’s see….David beats a man senseless, snorts a whole lot of cocaine, gets caught by the police with an under-aged girl in a hotel room and then flees the state (see: “Really?”), and the worst thing that happens to him is that his marriage breaks up? And we’re supposed to feel sorry for him? 3) Wow….David is awfully wise, and strangely attuned to subtle nuances for a 16-year old. 

Rating: Protecting the King left me feeling disappointed. Based upon the recollections of Presley’s real-life stepbrother, D. Edward Stanley, the film is strangely devoid of any insights into “the King,” and the the protagonist is far too thick-headed and unlikeable to be terribly sympathetic. I cannot recommend this movie. 4.5/10 stars. 

Would it Work for a Bad Movie Night?: I doubt it, but take a drink any time David decides he isn’t going to take any shit from someone and reacts badly. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0780530/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Jerry Maguire (1996)

Synopsis: Show me the overacting! 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “But with the help of one loyal colleague and one outrageous client, JERRY MAGUIRE learns that loving well is the best revenge.” 

What Did I Learn?: The human head weighs eight pounds. 3) Kwan means love, respect, community and dollars. 4) A real man wouldn’t shoplift the pootie from a single mom. 5) We live in a cynical world. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that Tom Cruise is just the guy to play a beloved Everyman. 

Really?: 1) So, wait – Jerry gets fired, and he’s somehow allowed to stay in his office for a good length of time in order to call his clients and ask them to leave the company? Wouldn’t he most likely get barred at the door, or escorted out by security guards?  2) How many times a week does that divorced women’s group meet, and why are they always camped out in Anne-Louise’s living room? 3) Let’s see…. There’s the hockey player who’s had several concussions and his son is really worried about him…. Rod’s brother, who is obviously jealous of Rod’s success…. Jerry’s ex, Avery, who is probably insane…. The nanny who loves jazz music… just how many minor characters and subplots does this movie introduce and then fail to develop? 4) Do Dicky Fox’s short monologues really add anything? They’re not particularly funny, and they don’t provide any insights into the strange world of professional sports agency. 

Rating: Jerry Maguire is a nice romantic comedy that could have been better with some recasting and a tighter script (see: #3 of “Really”). The film delivers a number of great lines and some genuinely funny scenes, and I was particularly impressed by Rene Zellweger and Cuba Gooding Jr; the latter somehow manages to make Rod obnoxious, yet still strangely likeable, which is no easy feat. The biggest problem I have with Jerry Maguire (aside from a number of unnecessary scenes that pad out the running time to two hours and nineteen minutes!) Is Cruise himself - he wildly overacts in nearly every scene (see: “Synopsis”) and doesn’t seem to understand that sometimes less is more. 7.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116695/?ref_=rvi_tt

The Iceman (2012)

This would have been great for my tribute to gangster movies in 2011

Synopsis: Violent psychopath ices (literally!) other bad people. And we’re expected to give a shit.  

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Loving husband. Devoted father. Ruthless killer.” 

What Did I Learn?: If you’re ever tempted to kill somebody, throw the corpse into a freezer for a few months before giving it the old dumperoo – the Medical Examiner will have no idea when the time or date of death took place. 2) John Ventimiglia (best remembered as Artie Bucco from The Sopranos) is a shitty dancer. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You assume it's a prediction of the future, based upon the title. 

Really?: I realize The Iceman was based upon a true story, but I had a bit of trouble believing Bob “Mr. Freezy” Pronge (Chris Evans) would accept Richard (Michael Shannon) as a literal partner-in-crime after the latter fired a pistol at point-blank range in his face and threatened his life. 2) So, the New York mob hires Richard to do a hit, and then refuses to pay him? Hey, that’s a great idea. 

Rating: I have to give The Iceman a bit of a mixed review; Michael Shannon delivers a convincing performance at Richard Kuklinski, and he shares a number of great scenes with Winona Ryder as his strangely-oblivious wife and Ray Liota. Set mostly in the 1960s and 1970s, the film is noteworthy for its attention to period authenticity. Kuklinski’s story is certainly compelling, but The Iceman doesn’t really work as a biopic – there’s no noticeable narrative, and the audience isn’t given much insight into why he turned into a monster, aside from surviving childhood abuse. 6.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1491044/?ref_=nv_sr_1

American Sniper (2014)

Synopsis: US Marine sniper becomes increasingly detached from reality during violent tour of duty in Iraq…sorry, that’s the Synopsis for Jarhead. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Chris Kyle’s (Bradley Cooper) mission is to protect his brothers in arms while being a prime target of insurgents.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) There are three types of people in the world: sheep, wolves and sheep dogs. 2) The key distinction between Texans and rednecks is that the former ride horses, while the latter ride their cousins. 3) You can only circle the flames so long. 4) Iraqi dirt tastes like dog shit.

You Might Like This Movie If: You always wondered why some men grow up to become snipers. 

Really?: So, does Chris (Bradley Cooper) have an opinion on the Iraq war? Ok, he’s a “sheepdog”, and he sees his role as killing bad people, and I’m sure he killed some legitimately evil people, but it’s strange how he doesn’t really his own PTSD, and never once questions the wisdom of invading Iraq or asks if the larger goals were worth the lives of so many of his colleagues. 

Rating: Directed by Clint Eastwood, American Sniper provides a compelling, but very limited look at the life of a young man with a strong sense of mission. The film works best when Chris Kyle is in Iraq and on the trail of a rival Iraqi sniper, and it gets awkward when he’s back in Texas and uncommunicative towards his long-suffering wife. It’s a good film that could have been better with a bit more analysis of the larger picture. 7.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2179136/?ref_=rvi_tt

Shooter (2007)

Synopsis: Deep State fucks with the wrooooooooooong guy. [Come to think of it, that sounds a bit like the Synopsis for The Domino Principle] 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Get ready for edge-of-your-seat thrills as Mark Wahlberg ignites the screen in his most compelling role yet: the Shooter.” [Yes, this sucker once retailed for the low, low price of only $14.99]

What Did I Learn?: 1) Tennessee is the patron state of “shootin’ stuff.” 2) “There are no sides. There’s no Sunnis and Shiites. There’s not Democrats and Republicans. There’s only HAVES and Have NOTS.” (Wait - didn’t Ned Beatty deliver some eerily similar words in Network?) 3) Nothing, no matter how horrible, ever really happens without the approval of the government. 4) The hassle with democracy is there’s always some confused soul who believes one man can make a difference and you have to kill him to convince him otherwise. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that shooters are nothing but trouble.

Really?: 1) I realize Bob Lee Swagger (Wahlberg) is an ex-military guy in top physical shape, but I had a bit of trouble believing he could have accomplished even a fraction of what he did with a bleeding bullet wound. 2) Hold on - Swagger and his partner are actually betrayed by their own government during a top-secret mission in Ethiopia, and the Deep State goons seriously think he’ll agree to work with them again? 3) So, the goons capture FBI dude Nick Memphis, beat the crap out of him, and then attempt to finesse his murder so it looks like a suicide? 4) Gee, aren’t there any easier ways of icing the archbishop than waiting for him to make a speech when he's standing next to the President of the United States? 

Rating: Shooter is an enjoyable, if somewhat predictable, unoriginal and highly contrived thriller (See: “Synopsis,” “What Did I Learn?” And “Really?”). Strangely, the film tries to present itself as edgy and political, but it’s really just a big shoot-em-up. 6.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0822854/?ref_=nv_sr_2

London Boulevard (2010)

I could have used this for my tribute to British Gangster movies in 2014. 

Synopsis: Dangerous dude is released from prison, falls for a woman who’s way out of his league, discovers his best buddy is nothing but trouble, battles powerful crime boss, and gets bumped off by a minor-league scumbag he should have iced weeks earlier. So, it’s basically Carlito’s Way with cockney accents.  

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Not every criminal wants to be one.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) The most powerful fucking thing is to know what can go wrong…for anybody, at any fucking time. 2) You’re not allowed to do more than one thing. 3) Work’s what you do when you’d rather be doing something else. 4) A woman’s job in a film is to get the hero to talk about himself - about his hopes, his fears, maybe even about his fascinating, fucking childhood.

You Might Like This Movie If: You enjoy cruising along a London boulevard. 

Really?: 1) So, Mitchel (Colin Farrell) has an alcoholic sister who’s dating a nice doctor, and his old buddy the homeless guy was recently murdered, there’s some creepy dude stalking his girlfriend, and a disgraced physician wants to pick up some of his belongings from Mitchel’s pad….holy shit, how many underdeveloped characters and subplots does this movie include? 2) Doesn’t Gant (Ray Winstone) have better things to do than harass Mitchel into going to work for him, and then attempting to kill him when he refuses? I didn’t really buy that storyline. 

Rating: London Boulevard is a slow-moving and rather ho-hum crime drama that features a number of very good performances (Farrell shares some tense scenes with Ray Winstone, and I was especially impressed by Ben Chaplin as Farrell’s sidekick Billy), but otherwise suffers from cliched, underdeveloped and unoriginal script (see: "Synopsis" and "What Did I Learn?"). 6/10 stars 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1213648/?ref_=rvi_tt

Best and Worst (2018)

The Best Movies I reviewed in 2018 (10/10 stars, or 9/10 stars):

The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou

The Hurt Locker

The Alamo

The Company Men

Leaves of Grass

Scarecrow

The Italian Job (1969 version)

Cast Away

The ‘Burbs

Jackknife 

The Professionals

Cactus Flower

The Taking of Pelham One Two Three 

Flags of Our Fathers

Trees Lounge

The Big Red One

The Worst Movies I reviewed in 2018 (fewer than 5 stars): 

Hostage

Deal 

Brick

Ladder 49

The Delta Force

Death Before Dishonor

The Expendables 

Get Carter

Author! Author! 

M*A*S*H 

Please click the links to read my Best and Worst lists for 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012 and 2011. 

Double Whammy (2001)

Synopsis: Dennis Leary mugs his way through 93-minute underdeveloped cop comedy that’s basically a pilot for his 2001-2002 series, The Job. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “A comedy abut a detective with everything…but a clue.” 

What Did I Learn?: If a couple of weird guys who always wear red suits ask you to sit in a chair so they can tie you up in order to discuss torture scenarios for a screenplay, just say “no thanks.” 2) Chiropractic medicine has been recognized by the medical community since 1963. 3) White hipsters don’t react well when they’re accused of harbouring subconscious racist thoughts. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You took a look at the DVD case, and you're convinced that Leary, Elizabeth Hurley and Steve Buscemi all guest-starred on Press Your Luck. 

Really?: 1) So, Dimitri (Chris Noth in a send-up of his Law and Order role) realizes Maribel must have had some connection to the two killers, and….nothing? There’s no follow-up to this realization aside from Maribel crying at her father’s bedside? 2) Was there any point behind Jerry (Buscemi) telling Ray (Leary) that he recently checked out his ass? This revelation is mentioned, and never developed further. 

Rating: For a film that features Leary, Buscemi and Hurley, Double Whammy often looks and feels like a low-budget straight-to-video cop comedy. The script is wildly uneven, and loaded with undeveloped storylines and characters (See: “Really”), but I liked the chemistry between Leary and Hurley and Double Whammy isn’t bad for an evening’s entertainment. 6/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0250347/?ref_=nv_sr_2

Kuffs (1992)

I could have used this for my tribute to revenge-themed movies. 

Synopsis: Ne’er do well stirs up trouble when he launches an investigation into his brother’s recent murder….wait, didn’t I just review Get Carter? 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “When you have attitude who needs experience?”

What Did I Learn?: 1) “Love and kisses on all your pink parts” is NOT an acceptable message for a greeting card. 2) Without women, there would be no civilization. 3) Harold Faltermeyer apparently ran out of creative musical ideas after he scored Beverly Hills Cop. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You'll watch anything that features Bruce Boxleitner. 

Really?: 1) So, the villain isn’t really into grabbing real estate at a discount, he’s really into art theft, and he wants the rent-a-cops to look the other way? Or is he into both? This isn’t made clear. 2) Is there any reason Maya Carlton (Milla Jovovich) has an Eastern European accent while her parents are wealthy WASPs or are we supposed to overlook that fact? 3) I’m shocked that Ted didn’t bite the dust (or press charges against George for poisoning him) after he drank that coffee laced with a LOT of tranquilizers. 4) Funny how George (Slater) is required to attend the police academy every day while he manages the patrol-special shop, yet aside from one scene of him running along the beach with his colleagues, this is never again mentioned. When does he actually sleep? 

Rating: I hadn’t seen Kuffs since I first watched it in 1992, so I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect when I popped the VHS tape into my machine. Overall, Kuffs is a fun action-comedy that doesn’t always make sense (see: “Really?”), but never takes itself too seriously, either. Check it out if you’ve ever wondered how Slater would handle the role of Axel Foley, or if you really want to enjoy a few minutes of Jovovich dancing in her underwear. 6.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104647/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Horrible Bosses (2011)

Happy New Year! 

Synopsis: Jennifer Anniston interacts with three young men who hate their jobs so much they develop a plot for revenge…no, that’s the Synopsis for Office Space. Um….Kevin Spacey portrays a psychopathically nasty boss who provokes his assistant into a homicidal rage…no, that’s Swimming With Sharks. Um… three loveable idiots (straight man, fun-loving horndog, and batshit crazy weirdo) get into a lot of trouble after drinks one night…no, that’s The Hangover. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “For Nick (Jason Bateman), Kurt (Jason Sudeikis) and Dale (Charlie Day), the only thing that would make the daily grind more tolerable would be to grind their intolerable bosses into dust.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Life is a marathon and you cannot win a marathon without putting a few band-aids on your nipples. 2 ) You don’t put a playground next to a bar. 3) No one’s going to pay you to be a husband, unless you marry Oprah. 4) There’s no law on the books against putting people’s toiletries up your ass. 5) The secret to success in the corporate world is the ability to take lots and lots of shit. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You've worked for a horrible boss. 

Really?: 1) Horrible Bosses is a screwball comedy that isn’t meant to be taken too seriously, but I had a few problems with the climax – wouldn’t the cops discover the gun was registered to Harken (Spacey), he has gunpowder on his hands, and the bullet in his leg was fired at point-blank range? 2) So, Nick has worked for Harken for what….seven or eight years? Wouldn’t he have sensed much earlier that Harken is a lying SOB who will never promote him, and sent out a few resumes along the way? 

Rating: I wanted to like Horrible Bosses a bit more than I did; Spacey is great as the bane of Bateman’s existence, and the film delivers a few genuinely funny scenes, but I couldn’t help myself from thinking I had seen much of this before (see: “Synopsis”), or that the writers who penned this script and the principal leads were trying too hard for laughs - very little of the dialogue seemed natural or believable. 7/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1499658/?ref_=nv_sr_1