Sunday, February 24, 2019

Star Trek (2009)

Please click the link to read my review of Star Trek: The Motion Picture
Synopsis: Hollywood attempts to revive ailing billion-dollar franchise by rebooting once-popular 40-year-old TV series. 
Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “The future begins in JJ Abrams’ smash hit STAR TREK.” 
What Did I Learn?: Apparently, they’re still listening to the Beastie Boys and selling gasoline to power 1960/1970s lead sleds in the 23rd Century. 
You Might Like This Movie If: You're a die-hard Trekkie
Really?: Wow….where do I begin? Ok, here goes… 1) What’s “red matter”? How does it work? Why does it create black holes? And how exactly would Spock save Romulus by transforming its supernova sun into a black hole? 2) So, wait – Nero is pissed at Spock because he tried to prevent the disaster and failed? And instead of…I don’t know….warning contemporary Romulans that their sun will go nova in 130 years, he waits around in space for 25 years to exact revenge upon the guy who tried to save his planet, and everyone connected to him? 3) I had a hard time believing Spock would load Kirk into a pod and jettison him towards a nearby planet (wouldn’t the brig suffice?). I had an even harder time believing he would somehow run into future Spock and Scotty within a few hours of landing on the surface. 4) Spock advises himself to put aside logic and do what feels right? That doesn’t sound like Spock. 5) Take a drink any time Kirk hangs precariously and looks as though he’s about to fall to his death. 6) Hold on – aside from Captain Pike, why is the Federation’s flagship vessel crewed entirely by early 20-something cadets, and why would Pike appoint Kirk First Officer? And how in the world does Kirk bypass the ranks of Ensign, Lieutenant, Lt-Commander and Commander to officially become Captain of the Enterprise at the end? 7) What was the point of Scotty transporting into the Enterprise’s plumbing system? And he’s appointed to the role of Chief Engineer soon after beaming aboard? 8) Nero’s ship is a mining vessel, right? Why does it resemble a giant porcupine, and why is it armed to the teeth? 9) See: “What Did I Learn?”
Rating: A friend from high school assured me several years ago that I would like this movie; he was wrong. Star Trek is ok as a popcorn flick (which is why I’m giving this a barely-passing grade), but it has some credibility problems (see: “What Did I Learn?” and “Really?”), its characters bear little resemblance to their namesakes on the television series (Scotty is bumbling comic relief? Kirk is a reckless, authority-challenging asshole? The Vulcans take a “whatevs” approach to logic?), the fast-paced intercutting is difficult to follow, and the whole thing just struck me as a cynical cash-grab (see: “Synopsis”). 5.5/10 stars.

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