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Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Miami Vice (2006)

 


Happy New Year! My Best and Worst of 2020 list is coming soon! 

Synopsis: Classic and beloved 1980s television series is rebooted without any real understanding of why people liked it in the first place. Oh, wait - that’s my review of The A-Team! [Honestly, I’m shocked this film was made by Michael Mann himself] 

Blurb From the DVD jacket: “Jamie Foxx and Colin Farrell go deep undercover in the explosive, action-packed Unrated Director’s Edition!”

What Did I Learn?: Nonpoint’s version of In the Air Tonight really doesn’t compare to the original by Phil Collins. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that it's not easy to measure up to Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas

Really?: 1) So, Sonny decides to give Isabella a free pass even though she’s established within a major drug cartel and is undoubtedly responsible for any number of murders. 2) Speaking of Isabelle, I can certainly understand her getting upset with Crockett for lying to her (even though he just saved her life) but is it really a good idea to physically attack him during a gunfight, or when he’s driving? Who would seriously do that? 3) Hmm… I seem to recall the feds calling in Crockett and Tubbs because there was an information leak within one of the major anti-crime organizations. Funny how that plot thread is never developed or resolved. 

Rating: Miami Vice is best described as a big, big disappointment. I realize the original TV series is a bit dated, and any film reboot wouldn’t have Crockett and Tubbs sporting pastel suits, but I was shocked by the decision to eliminate Crockett’s world-weary cynicism, among other things that made the series unique. In fact, all the film’s dialogue is plot-driven, and we’re never given a sense of who the lead characters are, or what motivates them (it’s even worse for the other cops in their unit - Trudy, Gina, Switek, Zito and Castillo - they’re just cyphers). I cannot recommend this movie. 4/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0430357/?ref_=hm_rvi_tt


Major Dundee (1965)

 



Please click the link to read my review of Crocodile Dundee

Synopsis: Civil War-era US Army officer makes up his own orders, recruits a bunch of Confederate prisoners, enters a foreign country and launches completely unprovoked attacks on the French Army. Wait - WTF?!?

Blurb From the DVD jacket: “A Restored Masterpiece! Sam Peckinpah’s first big budget film was also the first to be taken away and released in a shortened version.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Any man who has a just cause should travel with the word of God. 2) The tequila was excellent in Northern Mexico circa 1847. 3) Mighty is the arm of the Lord. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You'll gladly watch anything (and I mean anything) with the word "Dundee" in the title.

Really?: 1) See: “Synopsis.” Holy shit, Dundee could have started a war with France at a time when the Union was still fighting the Confederacy! 2) So… the Confederate prisoners don’t like the black soldiers or the abolitionist preacher….there’s an Austrian woman in a small Mexican village and she falls for Dundee… Lt. Graham is second in command of the outfit, and we barely hear a peep out of him for long stretches of the mission. Why introduce so many characters and sup-plots if you have no intention of developing them? 3) Funny how the movie ends in the spring of 1865 - shortly after the Southern surrender - yet there’s no denouement or recognition of this fact when the rescue party returns from Mexico. 

Rating: Major Dundee features an interesting cast (including James Coburn as a one-armed ne’er-do-well), and it’s not bad for an evening’s entertainment, but this odd Western is also far too long, and suffers from a number of script and credibility problems (see: “Really?”). I understand the studio refused to pay for several important scenes, and then butchered Peckinpah’s work in the editing room, so it’s possible that Major Dundee could have been a much better film. 6/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059418/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0


Monday, January 18, 2021

The Amati Girls (2000)

 


Synopsis: Did you really want to like Hannah and Her Sisters, but you thought it needed to be seriously dumbed-down and loaded with cliches? Today is your lucky day...

Blurb From the VHS jacket: “Nobody loves you more or understands you less than family.”

What Did I Learn?: Business trips aren’t all that important, and can be easily cancelled at the last minute. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You always wondered what the hell happened to Sean Young

Really?: 1) Wow, so every fucking conversation consists of characters exchanging deep thoughts and expository dialogue? 2) The film ends with the (remaining) Amati Girls rediscovering the joy of life and singing “Doo-Wah-Diddy” in the kitchen. 3) Wait - Armand was a Gulf War vet who sustained a head injury, and instead of becoming brain damaged he became the perfect mate for intellectually-disabled Dolores? That doesn’t sound right. 4) Holy shit, isn’t Paul Sorvino a little old to play the father of a young child? 5) Funny how Paul can skip all of those special ballet classes with his daughter, yet the director insists he go out on stage without any preparation and he does a bang-up job. 6) Take a drink any time a character mentions a saint. 

Rating: The Amati Girls features an impressive cast (Mercedes Ruehl gives an especially good performance), and certainly had the potential to be a warm and insightful character-driven family drama, but it suffers from an abysmal script and far too many treacly and cringe-inducing moments to stomach. I cannot recommend this movie. 4/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0213446/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0


Leatherheads (2008)

 



Dang - I could have used this for my salute to football films a few years ago. 

Synopsis: Conniving Prohibition-era rogue singlehandedly transforms professional football from a chaotic, cash-strapped anarchic carnie venture into the soulless and exploitative big-money institution we know and love today. 

Blurb From the DVD jacket: “Nothing comes between love and a little competition” [This film is set during the Roaring Twenties, but you wouldn’t get that impression from the jacket photos]

What Did I Learn?: Being the slickest operator in Duluth is sort of like being the world’s tallest midget. 2) Goddamn rules are ruining the game of football. 3) You’re only as young as the woman you feel. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to re-live those thrilling days of yesteryear when muscle-bound jocks crashed into each other on the gridiron for nearly no money

Really?: 1) Gee…Stephen Root doesn’t have much to do in this film, does he? 2) So, wait - George Clooney was pushing 50 when he made Leatherheads. I had a bit of trouble believing a guy that age - who obviously has highly-developed communications and people skills - would still be playing some sort of pre-rules football instead of managing the team or doing publicity for it. 

Rating: Leatherheads is an entertaining, albeit lightweight romantic comedy. The film doesn’t quite pull off the Hepburn-and-Tracy vibe it tries to achieve, just as it also doesn’t really tell us that much about the very early days of professional football, but it does provide a few laughs and some witty banter between Zellweger and Clooney. 7.5/10 stars

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0379865/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0