Kotch (1971)

Walter Matthau Movie #7 

Synopsis: Walter Matthau portrays a loveable-yet-strange older man who annoys people in the park with never-ending monologues and aids a damsel-in-distress….wait, was this a dry run for I’m Not Rappaport? 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: "Walter Matthau stars as Kotch, an unforgettable 72-year old widower who refuses to be cast aside by society and faces his uncertain future with eternal optimism." 

What Did I Learn?: Old people use a lot of water. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're expecting a two-hour RDX video. 

Really?: 1) Can you really burn old bowling pins without generating a lot of toxic smoke? 2) I can understand Kotch moving out of his son’s house because he doesn’t want to get shipped off to a retirement home, but playing detective and tracking down Erica’s whereabouts in San Bernardino and Palm Springs? Gee… that doesn’t sound entirely credible. 3) Funny how Kotch asks the goofballs at the gas station for directions to the women’s washroom, but doesn’t think to inform them that Erica is about to give birth. 

Rating: I wanted to like Kotch a bit more than I did. Matthau does his best with the material, but I didn’t really buy him in the role of a talkative-yet-surprisingly-Uncrusty older man (the blueish-grey hair dye doesn’t look real). More importantly, I can see why Jack Lemmon never went back to directing after this one try: the comedic scenes mostly fall flat, the story drags on interminably, and the audience is treated to a mostly treacly piano score. 5.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067314/?ref_=rvi_tt

Hopscotch (1980)

Walter Matthau Movie #6 (Dang - I hate it when I can't finish a tribute within a single month)

Synopsis: Retired operative with the writing bug eludes capture by the world’s most incompetent spy agency. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “He’s about to expose the CIA, the FBI, the KGB, and himself.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) An American without ice in his drink is unthinkable, if not unconstitutional! 2) Double agents must be drab little people – colourless. 3) FBI stands for “Fucking Ball-busting Imbeciles” 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that hopscotch can be a fun....and deadly game. 

Really?: 1) Hold on – the CIA wants to intimidate Isobel into providing them Kendig’s whereabouts, so assign the job to Follett the goofball? And he’s clearly afraid of her dog? 2) So, wait… Cutter (Sam Waterston long before Law and Order) made it clear that Kendig wasn’t a violent man, so I’m a little surprised Agent Ross would allow Kendig to hold him at gunpoint. Ok, maybe Ross wouldn’t have tried to disarm him, but how about refusing to drive him away from Myerson’s summer home or hand over his personal documents? 3) I realize Hopscotch is more of a good-natured satire of the intelligence community than a thriller, but Kendig never appears to be in very much danger, does he? 4) Ok, the CIA and the KGB have a shared interest in icing Kendig, but would they seriously work together on that project? 

Rating: Hopscotch has a few problems with its overall credibility, as well as a surprising lack of suspense (see: "Really?"), but it’s otherwise a charming and highly enjoyable comedy. Check it out if you get the opportunity. 8/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080889/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Casey's Shadow (1978)

Walter Matthau Movie #5 (yes, that is one sun-bleached, and marked-up VHS clamshell package)

Synopsis: It’s nearly two hours of Walter Matthau wearing a cowboy hat and yelling at a bunch of kids about riding a horse. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “A funny and touching story for the whole family about an irascible, impoverished horse trainer, Lloyd Bourdelle (Walter Matthau) and his three sons.” 

What Did I Learn?: Race horses are extremely fragile creatures, so they should never, ever be ridden. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know what it's like to live in Casey's shadow.

Really?: 1) Hmm….I realize Lloyd wants to make a name for himself as a trainer, but gee…I don’t know how many people would turn down the opportunity to pocket 50 grand AND protect the well-being of a beloved animal. 2) Was it necessary for Lloyd to have three sons? It’s obvious that Buddy is the wheeler-dealer, and Casey is the youngest who loves his horses, but the script doesn’t do much to develop Randy, the middle child. 

Rating: Casey’s Shadow is a nice, yet forgettable (and surprisingly foul-mouthed) low-budget family movie that owes a lot to Matthau’s basic likeability, even though it’s odd to see him as an impoverished Cajun horse trainer who seems a little too old to have sired the youngest two of his three kids. The film provides an interesting look at the world of quarter horse racing, and a couple of touching moments, but it really drags near the end. 6/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077303/?ref_=rvi_tt

The Couch Trip (1988)

Walter Matthau Movie #4

Synopsis: Truth-telling, plain-spoken average Joe gets mistaken for a shrink, is given their very own radio advice show, and becomes a media sensat… hey, waitaminute – that’s basically Straight Talk, minus the cleavage! 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “A COMEDY OF TRULY LOONY PROPORTIONS” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) There is nothing that can be accomplished in a short time that cannot be accomplished just as well over a longer period. 2) Swans are not dangerous. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that therapy involves a lot of hard work. 

Really?: 1) I realize this movie was filmed a number of years before 9/11, but how in the world can Burns claim Baird’s airline ticket without showing some sort of identification?  2) So, Maitland heads to London, decides on a whim to check out a psychiatric conference, and somehow strikes up a conversation with the real Lawrence Baird? Gee….that’s a coinky-dink.  3) Um….how does Dr. Laura Rollins (Donna Dixon) feel about Burns? This isn’t ever resolved. I mean, she’s willing to help him bust out of a police van, but unwilling to vamoose to Mexico. And as a trained psychiatrist, wouldn’t she know he’s a fraud long before that phone call from Maitland and Baird? 4) I’m curious: what happened to Lopez? Burns seemed awfully concerned about his welfare before his big escape. Did Baird place him on a daily regime of thorazine after Burns fucked off? 

Rating: The Couch Trip was played and re-played endlessly on First Choice at the end of the 1980s, so I saw it a number of times back in the day, and felt a strange nostalgia when I viewed it again for the first time in 30 years. The film is a highly-contrived (see “Really?”), and occasionally-funny ego trip for Aykroyd which starts out well, and eventually ends as a confused mess. The Couch Trip isn’t meant to be taken too seriously, so I can overlook the fact that no consequences ever arise from Burns dispensing bullshit therapy, but Aykroyd is incredibly smug, while Matthau and Dixon aren’t given much to do in their vaguely-defined roles. 6/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094910/?ref_=rvi_tt

I'm Not Rappaport (1996)

Walter Matthau Movie #3

Synopsis: Two wildly-different loveable losers develop an uneasy friendship and engage in weird adventures in Central Park. Ok, so it’s a geriatric, low-budget remake of The Fisher King. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “With vaudevillian flair, these appealing oldsters outrageously take on the world and its multiple threats - drug dealers and muggers, enlightened children, forced retirement, and the spectre of the old folks’ home.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Junkies aren’t very reliable people. 2) Fabricating stories is a great way to make new friends. 3) Decent, law-abiding citizens are easy to con with a quickly-delivered stream of bullshit…hardened criminals, not so much. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to hear a really great joke.

Really?: 1) See: “What Did I Learn?” Seriously, I had a bit of trouble believing the grocery store employees would allow Nat to unilaterally mark down their merchandise and not throw him out on his ear. 2) You know…I really didn’t need to see 76-year old Matthau get roughed up, not once, but twice in this film. 3) So, Nat’s daughter Clara is over 50? Amy Irving certainly doesn’t look that old. I realize the play was written in the mid-1980s, so it would have made sense for her to have been born in 1945, but there’s a reference to the Russians giving up communism, which places the events of the film in the mid-1990s.

Rating: I have to give I’m Not Rappaport a bit of a mixed review. It’s hard not to like Nat Moyer, the aging small-c communist bullshit artist who doesn’t have much to do except hang out in the park and needle Midge Carter. Matthau is wonderful as Moyer, and I liked his exchanges with Davis. Overall, I’m Not Rappaport is a warm, funny, and strangely enjoyable (considering it mostly consists of Moyer annoying the crap out of Carter on a park bench) film that’s also wildly uneven in tone. When playwright Herb Gardner was offered the chance to direct his work, he added a whole bunch of extra characters and plotlines; some of them work well with the original material (Amy Irving is great as Nat’s long-suffering daughter), while some of them stick out like a sore thumb. Matthau and Davis posing as Mafioso and trying to convince a drug-dealing cowboy (played well by Craig T. Nelson of Coach fame) to forgive the debt of a young junkie? Come on…. 7.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116601/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Charade (1963)

Walter Matthau Movie #2

Synopsis: Plucky heroine is chased by villain who looks like he couldn’t outrun a snapping turtle…oh, wait – that’s the Synopsis for Dead of Winter. Um… Cary Grant plays a suave and sophisticated urbanite who is mistaken for another man and must rescue a lovely lady from a gang of cutthroat…no, that’s North by Northwest. Ok, it’s 1963, and a wacky band of greedy, back-stabbing bastards tear a city apart looking for hidden treasure….no, that’s It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad World. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Charade, in its own way, is one of the most radical and experimental films of the ‘60s.” 

What Did I Learn?: Shakespeare never said: "When strangers do meet in far off lands, they should e'er long see each other again"

You Might Like This Movie If: You know it isn't easy to pull off a good charade. 

Really?: 1) So, why does Grant’s character lie about being unable to speak a word of French, when he later reveals he has at least some command of the language? That doesn’t make much sense. 2) [Spoiler Alert!] So… Hamilton (Matthau) somehow manages to ice both Scobie (George Kennedy) and Tex (James Coburn), as well as Leopold (Ned Glass)? I’m not sure I believe that. 

Rating: Charade is a charming, stylish, and occasionally funny thriller that features a great cast and some genuine suspense – we’re never entirely sure who’s side Grant’s character is on, or what his motivations might be until the very end. 8/10 stars.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0056923/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Cactus Flower (1969)

Walter Matthau Movie #1 (Please click the links to read my reviews of I Ought to Be in Pictures, JFK, California Suite and The Bad News Bears. Also, be sure to check out my tribute to the films he made with Jack Lemmon) 

Synopsis: Fun-Loving Manhattan dentist realizes he’d much rather have his frumpy, middle-aged secretary than free-spirited Goldie Hawn in her prime. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “A comedy for all time” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Apparently, they make champagne in Idaho. 2) A man who lies cannot love. 3) One makes the Mexican Measles by mixing gin with tequila. 4) Sex is for teenagers. 

You Might Like This Movie If: you glanced at the title and you're interested in horticulture. 

Really?: 1) So, did America have the world’s most efficient postal service in the early 1960s? How could Toni’s suicide not reach Julian’s office the morning after she mailed it? 2) I had a bit of trouble believing Toni (Hawn) would fall for Julian (Matthau) in the first place. It’s certainly possible they had a sugar daddy relationship in place, but a) she has a job, and such a relationship is never clearly spelled out (although he is quite generous), and b) it’s doubtful she would have feelings for him. 

Rating: I wasn’t sure what to expect when I popped my VHS copy of Cactus Flower into the machine a few nights ago, but I found myself pleasantly surprised. Matthau and Hawn share some enjoyable (and very funny) romantic chemistry, while Bergman steals the movie as the acid-tongued medical secretary who comes into her own; her scenes with Jack Weston as the sleazy Harvey Greenfield are hilarious. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064117/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_45

$5 a Day (2008)

Synopsis: Estranged father and son patch up their differences and take on powerful politician who screwed them both….oh wait, that’s the Synopsis for Return of the Jedi. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Christopher Walken is hilarious as Nat, an eccentric con-artist and deadbeat dad dying to reconnect with his troubled son, Flynn (Alessandro Nivola, The Eye, Laurel Canyon).” [Funny how Sharon Stone appears on the DVD jacket even though she doesn’t participate in the road trip]

What Did I Learn?: Apparently, America’s countryside looks never really changes when you drive from Atlantic City to Albuquerque.

You Might Like This Movie If: You'd love to be able to live on $5 a day. 

Really?: 1) I realize Sharon Stone is (or was) a big star, but she’s in this film for a grand total of 10 minutes, and she gets third billing? (see: “Blurb from the DVD Jacket”) 2)So, Ritchie publicly embarrasses Burt, even after Burt paid over $100 grand to keep his silence? Burt is a bit of a douche, but that struck me as tacky. 3) What are the odds of Ritchie inadvertently learning the truth about his mom just before he discovers the real reason for the road trip? That seemed a little convenient for me. 4) I’m pretty certain – given their checkered history -  that Ritchie would simply drive to the nearest airport and abandon Nat entirely after learning that Nat got him fired from his health inspector job. 

Rating: I found myself pleasantly surprised (if only because I wasn’t expecting much) when I sat down to watch $5 a Day a few nights ago. The plot is a little predictable and contrived, but it delivers some laughs as well as a few genuinely tender scenes between Walken and Nivola who star as a very dysfunctional father-son duo. It’s an interesting low-budget misfire.  7/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1024733/?ref_=rvi_tt

Last Vegas (2014)

I could have used this for my De Niro tribute! 

Synopsis: Michael Douglas portrays a self-made wealthy older bastard who has grown estranged…oh, sorry that’s the Synopsis for Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. Ok, Robert De Niro is a tough, violent bastard who takes Las Vegas by storm….no, that’s Casino. Um… Morgan Freeman plays a kindly old gent who recovers from a personal illness and walks away from his smothering family to have some fun….no, that’s The Bucket List. Um…. Kevin Kline is a loveable New Yorker who loves his wife but really wants to have some fun on the side….no, that’s I Love You to Death. Ok, ok….it’s The Hangover featuring a bunch of old farts. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Starring four legends like you’ve never seen them before, LAST VEGAS tells the story of Billy, Paddy, Archie and Sam.” 

What Did I Learn?: De Niro really needs to stop making these fucking comedies. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You've always wanted to sit through a 90 minute commercial for the Aria in Las Vegas. 

Really?: 1) I REALLY didn’t need to see Paddy (De Niro) receive a lap dance from a dude at the bikini contest. Actually, that entire poolside contest scene was cringe-inducing. 2) Archie’s (Freeman) son Ezra tracks him down in Vegas, shows up for the bachelor party, and….we never see him again.  Did he take an earlier flight home? Funny how he just disappears. 3) I had a bit of trouble believing three 70-something gents would actually want to spend time drinking Red Bulls-and-vodka in an obnoxiously-loud nightclub packed with club kids, let alone wait an hour in line and agree to an $1800-per-bottle service. 

Rating: Last Vegas has a great cast, and….that’s about it. Last Vegas isn’t quite a bad movie – I liked some of the exchanges between Kline and Freeman (Mary Steenburgen also acquits herself well as a sultry lounge singer with an odd past) and the script had the potential to be a lot better – but there’s far too much exposition in the dialogue, and I was struck both by how often Last Vegas serves as a travelogue for Sin City, and its spectacularly wrong-headed assumption that vulgar casinos, drug-fueled nightclubs, moronic youth culture, and douchebag materialism are attractive to anyone and everyone. Based on this film, Vegas gives me the creeps – as did that embarrassing bikini contest scene, by the way. 5.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1204975/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Jacknife (1989)

Damn – this would have been perfect for my tribute to Robert De Niro’s movies, and my tribute to films about coming home from Vietnam. 

Synopsis: Robert De Niro plays a troubled-but-grounded Vietnam vet who helps out a buddy who can’t cope…..so, it’s basically The Deer Hunter without the Russian roulette and 3-hour-long Polish wedding. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Three buddies in Vietnam. Two survived. Only one is really alive.” 

What Did I Learn?: If you take one sip of breakfast beer, the cobwebs go, your voice rises two octaves, and “hey man” the sun comes up inside you. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You figure it must be a 90-minute infomercial. 

Really?: 1) Um….did anyone notice that Megs looks a LOT like Joseph Stalin after his big makeover? 2) Megs’ decision to break things off with Martha (Kathy Baker) seems awfully abrupt. Up until that point, we see no indication that he feels ill-at-ease within her middle class strata. I have to wonder if it was done to create a dramatic ending. 

Rating: Jacknife is a warm, and very well-written character-driven drama about a couple of emotionally-scarred Vietnam vets and the woman they both love. The film features a number of memorable performances, as well as some important things to say about forgiveness, letting go, and finding the courage to take a chance on something new. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097607/?ref_=rvi_tt

The Professionals (1966)

Synopsis: Lee Marvin leads some dangerous dudes into hostile territory for a dangerous mission….oh, wait – that’s the Synopsis for The Dirty Dozen. Um…. Intrepid adventurers break into a fortress to save a damsel in distress…no, that’s Star Wars….and Krull… and Conan the Barbarian. Um…. Rugged mercenaries attempt a rescue operation….no, that’s The Wild Geese. Ok, violent Americans venture into pre-WWI Mexico to….no, that’s The Wild Bunch. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: "Rough, Tough, and Ready." 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Nothing’s harmless in the desert – unless it’s dead. 2) Certain women have a way of changing boys into men and some men back into boys. 3) Dynamite in the hands of a fool means death. 4) To die for money…is foolish. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You understand the importance of professionalism. 

Really?: 1) Jeez….Claudia Cardinale isn’t given much to do in her role besides shriek at our heroes. [Spoiler Alert!] 2) The mercenaries load Maria and Raza into a carriage and send them on their way, knowing they can’t collect the big reward? Ok, maybe I can understand Dolworth (Lancaster) and Fardan (Marvin) doing that, but what about their colleagues? Come to think of it, I was struck by how well everyone works with each other from the get-go, and there aren’t any spats between them. 

Rating: The Professionals is adventure with a capital A. The story is fun and compelling, and it’s a pleasure to watch Marvin and Lancaster play a couple of grizzled tough guys. My only complaint – and it’s a quibble, really – is that we learn very little about Jake (Woody Strode) and Ehrengard (Robert Ryan), even though they’re half of the four-man team. Still, highly recommended. 10/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0060862/?ref_=nv_sr_2

Speaking of Sex (2001)

Synopsis: Sex-starved and ethically-challenged lawyers manipulate sex-starved and ethically-challenged therapists, who in turn manipulate sex-starved and intellectually-challenged hayseeds. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Get your head examined.” 

What Did I Learn?: People in Boise are obsessed with elevator sex. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that therapy is hard work. 

Really?: Speaking of Sex is a screwball comedy that isn’t meant to be taken too seriously, but jeez, didn’t anyone notice that Melora Walters really can’t act? 

Rating: When I sat down to watch Speaking of Sex for the first time in several years, I remembered it being a lot funnier than the low-budget made-in-Calgary comedy which unfolded. Speaking of Sex is fine for an evening’s entertainment, but it’s littered with crude and unlikeable characters, several bad performances (I’m looking at you especially, Melora), and a convoluted script that depends a little too much on bedroom humour – some of it amusing, some of rather lame. Still, Bill Murray is great as scummy Boise lawyer Ezri Stone, and I liked both James Spader and Lara Lynn Boyle as two of the world's worst therapists. 6.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243575/?ref_=nv_sr_1

The Maiden Heist (2009)

Synopsis: Loveable incompetents attempt to steal priceless artworks from a museum… ok, it’s basically Welcome to Collinwood meets The Score, except that nothing really happens for long stretches. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “It was a stroke of genius.” 

What Did I Learn?: Apparently, if you wish to convince an airport employee to simply hand over a shipping crate presumably filled with coveted works of art, and you don’t have the necessary paperwork, your best course of action is to allow your wife to nag you in his presence, claim that you will soon miss your flight if he doesn’t comply, and appeal to his sense of pity. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're happy to watch Christopher Walken in anything. 

Really?: 1) See: “What Did I Learn?” 2) Wait…. Roger (Walken) knows he needs to work on the night that the artwork gets packed up, his wife arranges it so he doesn’t have to, we expect a conflict of some sort, and….nothing. Did he stand up to her? Did he tell her some sort of pathetic lie?  How did he wind up working that night? I think the audience got cheated out of a scene. 3) Something about the ending rubbed me the wrong way. Roger loses interest in his beloved painting because he rediscovers his sexual attraction to his wife? Was that the only reason he developed an interest in the maiden - he was horny? 

Rating: The Maiden Heist reminded me of Tower Heist for a number of reasons besides their similar subject matter: both caper comedies feature impressive casts, but neither really works because of mediocre writing, strange pacing and less-than-inspired performances. Maiden is somewhat funnier than Tower, but it really drags in places, Walken’s milquetoast character really isn’t very interesting (Morgan Freeman also plays against type as a gay security guard), and Marcia Gay Harden is the one who really shines in this film as Roger’s bored wife. 6.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1107860/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Tower Heist (2011)

Synopsis: It’s basically an Oceans 11 rip-off, featuring Eddie Murphy as a warmed-over Reggie Hammond, Ben Stiller as Hudson from Upstairs Downstairs, and Matthew Broderick as…. actually, I have no idea why he’s in this movie. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “BEN STILLER and EDDIE MURPHY lead an all-star cast in this hilarious comedy caper about a luxury condo manager (Stiller) who leads a staff of workers to seek payback on the Wall Street swindler (Alan Alda) who defrauded them.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) “A robbery can change very quickly: you have to be ready to adapt to the situation at any moment. Anything can happen.” 2) Asthma doesn’t cause seizures. 3) “Lesbians got the nicest titties.” 

You Might Like This Movie If: You've always wanted to pull off a tower heist. 

Really?: 1) So, what was the point of making Special Agent Denham (Tea Leoni) a hot chick and hinting at a romantic interest between her and Kovaks (Stiller)? Nothing happens between them! 2) Hold on, we’re led to believe that all big-lead fraud artists like Arthur Shaw (Alan Alda) keep large sums of cash on hand in case they need to run, and his emergency stash is a solid gold Ferrari? How is he supposed to get that out of the building, let alone take it overseas? 3) So, FBI agents can really be fooled into thinking the courts are open on Thanksgiving? 4) Wait, Kovaks remembers Slide (Murphy) from childhood, but Slide doesn’t remember Kovacs at all, so they sort of meet for the first time, yet Kovaks trusts him enough to bring him into the plot? Gee, that's convenient. 5) Why in the world would Kovaks bring Mr. Fitzhugh (Broderick) into his scheme when he no longer lives in the building, and he’s pretty much useless? (See “Synopsis”)

Rating: I expected a lot more from Tower Heist when I sat down to watch it last week. Tower Heist is far from awful, but I would describe it as contrived, lacklustre and unsure of the sort of film it wants to be (see: "Synopsis", "What Did I Learn?", and "Really?") While the actual heist is compelling and fun to watch, the story takes forever to develop, and we’re treated in the meantime to a few too many crude jokes and not-so-funny comedic setups for my taste. 6/10 stars 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0471042/?ref_=rvi_tt

Hatfields and McCoys (2012)

Synopsis: Inbred hillbillies go a-killin’. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Never forgive. Never forget.” 

What Did I Learn?: If you wish to defraud somebody using a forged document, it’s not such a hot idea to sign the name of a dude who died two years earlier as the official witness. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know you should never turn your back on a blood-thirsty McCoy. 

Really?: 1) I realize Johnse (Matt Barr) isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but why in the fuck would he casually mention the location where a couple of his compatriots are hunting to a McCoy family member? (Didn’t he learn anything from a similar slip of the tongue at an earlier point in the feud?) 2) I’m not sure I entirely bought Johnse’s relationship with Roseanne McCoy; I mean, he loves her and clearly doesn’t have the stomach for violence, so not marry her and skedaddle? Couldn’t he make his whisky somewhere else? In real life, he was actually quite a womanizer, so his decision to essentially let her go made more sense. 3) Speaking of real life, the feud ended in part because the State of Kentucky put some pressure on both families. I’m surprised that wasn’t included. 

Rating: Hatfields and McCoys is a compelling miniseries with an impressive cast and great production values - it’s hard to believe it was actually filmed in Romania! It’s definitely worth a look even if you aren’t that interested in American history. While I liked Costner’s performance as the Hatfield patriarch, there aren’t many likeable or sympathetic characters in this story (Bill Paxton’s character seems like a bit of a loon), so it’s tough to care about any of them by the end. 7/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1985443/?ref_=nv_sr_1

The 'Burbs (1989)

Tom Hanks Quadruple Feature #5 (Ok, I guess five is one too many for a quadruple feature, but I stumbled upon this at my local Salvation Army store, and I had to pick it up) 

Synopsis: Hilarity ensues when bored middle-class homeowners criminally harass a family that’s introverted and a little bit different. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Tom Hanks portrays suburbanite Ray Peterson, whose plans for a peaceful vacation are disturbed by a creepy new family on the block, in this outrageous suspense-comedy directed by Joe Dante.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Suburbanites are just not going to take it anymore. 2) A sardine on a pretzel makes a pretty awful hors d'oeuvre. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You can understand why Ray and his neighbours might be a little nuts. 

Really?: 1) So, the Klopecs are secretly axe murderers with incriminating evidence in their basement… isn’t it a little odd that they would call the cops when they discover the neighbours have broken inside? 2) So….nobody ever cleans up the garbage on the street? 

Rating: I have to admit that I’ve always had a place in my heart for The Burbs - maybe because I grew up in an exurban town in the GTA and I can identify with Ray Peterson, and maybe because it’s a very laid-back horror-comedy that never takes itself too seriously, and delivers some solid laughs - the scene when everybody grabs bags of trash out of the garbage truck is unforgettable.I liked the chemistry between Hanks and the Carrie Fisher (who doesn’t have a lot to do, but is quite good as Ray’s long-suffering wife), but Rick Ducommun and Bruce Dern are awesome as the Peterson’s completely insane neighbours - they steal the movie. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096734/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_70

The Money Pit (1986)

Tom Hanks Quadruple Feature #4 

Synopsis: It’s basically an hour of Tom Hanks and Shelley Long making funny faces while their home collapses around them, followed by 20-30 minutes of the two of them screaming at each other. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: For everyone who’s ever been deeply in Love or deeply in Debt. [Not sure why they capitalized “Love” and “Debt.]

What Did I Learn?: 1) Apparently, Tom Hanks can fit his entire fist inside his mouth. 2) Mozart is dead. 3) Nobody laughs at Montgomery Shrapp. 4) The basis of real estate is to capitalize on  another human being’s misfortune. 5) “Two weeks” is the standard answer whenever contractors are asked how long it will take to finish a particularly large and complex job. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You've always wanted to see a house fall apart. 

Really?: Holy shit, this movie introduces a whole bunch of wacky characters and odd subplots (Benny, the spoiled child actor who lends Walter the 200 grand; the “Cheap Girls” transvestite singing band; Jack the overweight realtor with a heart condition; Walter’s father in Brazil, etc…) and does nothing to develop or resolve any of them. What do they add? 

Rating: The Money Pit is an enjoyable, but fluffy and forgettable 1980s comedy featuring Hanks when he was still in his funny period, and a post-Cheers Long. The film features some funny lines (“do they test missiles around here?” Is my favourite) and a great slapstick sequence, but it takes a surprisingly long time to get started, and there are far too many loose ends and unnecessary characters for my taste. 7/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091541/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_76

Charlie Wilson's War (2007)

Tom Hanks Quadruple Feature #3 (My apologies - I meant to finish this mini-tribute to Tom Hanks last month, but I got a little side-tracked with other matters) Oh, and please click the links to read my reviews of two other movies that deal with the war in Afghanistan: The Living Daylights and Rambo III. 

Synopsis: Hard-drinking, and surprisingly liberal good-ole-boy Texan politician single-handedly solves America’s biggest foreign policy crisis of the early 1980s…and creates an entirely new one for the following century. 2007

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Based on the outrageous true story.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re told you have character flaws by a man who hanged his predecessor in a military coup. 2) They don’t serve whisky in rehab. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know the Soviet Union made a big strategic blunder when it spent years bogged down in Afghanistan, and...oh, wait. 

Really?: 1) See: “Synopsis.” Seriously, I realize Charlie Wilson’s War is a biopic that highlights Wilson’s rather important role in getting arms and supplies to the Afghan resistance, but holy shit, the only reference to Ronald Reagan is near the end, to suggest the Gipper didn’t know what was going on. I had a hard time believing Wilson and the CIA could do their thing without *some* involvement from the rest of the Executive Branch. 2) You know, I don't think screenwriter Aaron Sorkin ever provides a credible reason for Wilson's deep interest in helping out the rebels. 

Rating: I wanted to like Charlie Wilson’s War a bit more than I did. The film is amusing at times, Hanks brings a roguish charm to the title role, and I liked his exchanges with Hoffman’s character. The big problem is that there’s no antagonist for Wilson, and he never encounters a roadblock he can’t handle, so there isn’t really any tension - just a lot of meetings; people ask him to get more money for the Afghan rebels, he succeeds, and the cycle repeats. Moreover, we know there’s no possibility of a serious romance between Wilson and Joanne Herring (Julia Roberts), so their flirting seems tacked-on and pointless. 6.5/10 stars.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0472062/?ref_=nv_sr_1

One Way Out (2002)

Happy Canada Day! Please click the links to check out my reviews of a few other Canadian (or at least made-in-Canada) movies. 

The Silent Partner, Strange Brew, It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, Hard Core Logo, Joshua Then and Now, The Trailer Park Boys: Countdown to Liquor Day, The Trailer Park Boys Christmas Special, Mr. Patman/Crossover, Heavy Metal, Lost and Found, Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows, Bon Cop, Bad Cop, and Splendido Secrets) 

Synopsis: Jim Belushi portrays a dirty cop with a gambling addiction who tries to stage the perfect crime, and…. Oh wait, that’s the synopsis for Gang Related. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “In Every Cop There Is A Crime”

What Did I Learn?: Jason Bateman isn’t a very good actor. (Ok, I think I learned that by watching The Hogan Family) 

You Might Like This Movie If: You've found yourself in a situation where there's only one way out. 

Really?: 1) What are the odds that Harry would be asked to assist in the murder of Evans (Guylaine St.-Onge) the night after the two of them met, and even enjoyed some hot sex in her car? 2) Um…Harry’s big plan to assist John is to have him kill his wife in the house they share, make him the prime suspect, but not give the cops quite enough evidence? How about making it look like a carjacking or a botched robbery in another part of town, and giving John an alibi? 3) So, John wants to double-cross Harry by setting him up for the murder of Evans? Doesn’t it ever occur to him that Harry might sing like a canary if he figures he has nothing to lose? Isn’t mutual silence a much better option? 

Rating: One Way Out isn’t quite a bad movie, but it is a low-budget made-in-Canada crime thriller that comes perilously close to becoming one, thanks to a script that doesn’t make a lot of sense and a less-than-stellar performance from Bateman. 5.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0290795/?ref_=nv_sr_1