Benny Hill's Video Spotlight (1985)

Synopsis: It’s 120 minutes of scantly-clad young women slapping dirty old men as Yakety Sax, Gimme Dat Ding, Mah Na Mah Na, and Resurrection Shuffle play in the background. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Welcome to the crazy world of Benny Hill - America’s best-loved British comedian - in some of his finest, most madcap skits and sketches that brought him the love and acclaim of an audience around the world.” 

What Did I Learn?: There’s at least a 95% chance Jackie Wright (aka the little old bald guy) will get his head smacked if he appears in a sketch. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You'd like to learn a bit more about British history. 

Really?: Ok, I realize Benny Hill was the star of the show, but it strikes me as a bit odd that he not only appears in EVERY SINGLE skit, but he’s also the protagonist with the most air time. 

Rating: While modern audiences may sneer at The Benny Hill Show for being dated, sexist and unsophisticated fare (which is a bit unfair, considering it’s tame by today’s standards), I rather enjoyed Hill’s silly and good-natured humour as a teenager, and this video made me laugh more than a few times. Admittedly, some of the skits don’t work that well (which isn’t unusual for a sketch comedy program), but I would gladly take two hours of Benny Hill’s lamest material from the early 1970s before I’d sit through an entire episode of Saturday Night Live, circa 2020. 8/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063869/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Scratch (2001)

Synopsis: It’s basically 92 minutes of casually-dressed young men scratching records, producing mostly atonal music and patting themselves on the back. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “SCRATCH is an exhilarating film that explores the world of the hip-hop DJ.” 

What Did I Learn?: If you find the remains of a mummified bat buried under your collection of thousands of records, and your basement has taken on a gaseous odour from all of that vinyl, it might be time to do a little decluttering… just sayin’. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to learn more about scratching.

Really?: 1) Damn…take a drink any time a DJ reveals he was heavily influenced by Herbie Hancock’s Rockit. 2) I hate to say this, as I consider myself to be a rap fan, but much (not all, but much) of the “music” these guys produce on this film sounds like a lot of chaotic, random noise.  

Rating: I was hoping to like Scratch a bit more than I did. While the film manages to interview a number of famous and influential DJs (I have to wonder, though, why neither Jam Master Jay nor DJ Jazzy Jeff were included) it doesn’t provide much analysis or information, so Scratch more-or-less fails as a documentary. Scratch is certainly watchable, but it’s also breezy and somewhat forgettable. 6/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0143861/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Crooklyn (1994)

Please click the links to read a few other reviews about movies set in Brooklyn, NY: Blue in the Face, Smoke, Arthur 2: On the Rocks, The Flamingo Kid, A Brooklyn State of Mind, We Own the Night, Brooklyn’s Finest, Brooklyn Rules, Borough of Kings / Brooklyn Sonnet, Brooklyn Lobster, Clockers, and Straight Out of Brooklyn. 

Synopsis: Director Spike Lee fondly reminisces about his childhood….which apparently consisted of one huge screaming fight after another. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “A new laugh from the old neighbourhood”

What Did I Learn?: You can either own a miniature dog, or a fold-out couch, but it’s a bad idea to own both. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're deeply nostalgic for 1973.

Really?: 1) See: “What Did I Learn?” Holy shit, was Troy or her cousin responsible for that poor creature’s horrible death? It’s never made entirely clear, but neither one of them liked the dog, and they didn’t seem terribly upset by its grotesque demise. Killing an innocent animal (if that’s what actually happened) is seriously psychotic. 2) Funny how Carolyn’s cancer and subsequent passing are introduced right at the end of the film, and up until that point we’re never given any sense that she might be ill. 3) See: “Synopsis.” Wow….take a drink any time a scene descends into chaos, and everybody starts shouting. 4) Wait, did Lee and his siblings seriously sing along to the Partridge Family? I spent my formative years in the 1970s, and even back then I thought that show was the lamest thing ever to appear on television. 

Rating: Crooklyn received some rave reviews after it debuted in 1994, so I was hoping it would be a warm, poignant, and loving snapshot in time. Sure, the film includes a few tender moments, and I have to credit both Delroy Lindo and Alfre Woodard for outstanding performances, but Crooklyn is difficult to watch, simply because it’s essentially a series of barely-connected vignettes that mostly end in shouting matches, and it’s populated with characters who are often cruel, violent, mean-spirited and selfish. This movie might have worked if Lee had focused more on Delroy’s character - the kind-hearted but frustrated musician who has to follow his own path, rather than those obnoxious kids. 5.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109504/?ref_=hm_rvi_tt

Salmon Fishing in the Yemen (2011)

Synopsis: Stuffy public servant and go-getter consultant fall in love… while they facilitate a hereditary dictator’s desire to throw precious resources at a grandiose scheme that involves introducing an alien species into his country’s fragile ecosystem. 

Blurb From imdb.com: “A fisheries expert is approached by a consultant to help realize a sheik's vision of bringing the sport of fly-fishing to the desert and embarks on an upstream journey of faith and fish to prove the impossible possible."

What Did I Learn?: 1) a manned mission to Mars is theoretically possible. 2) Anglers are obsessive crazies. 3) A P45 is the official document given to an employee when his services are no longer required by his or her employer. 4) Apparently, fishing is a lot like religion…. This is never really explained or explored beyond a superficial level, but everyone agrees with it. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You get very emotional about salmon. 

Really?: Gee…is spending billions of oil dollars on a plan to divert water into a long-dead river and introduce a non-native species really a wise or responsible investment? The Sheikh claims near the end that it was never about satisfying his desire to fly-fish for salmon, so couldn’t he have at least chosen another species better suited for the country? Along the same lines, it’s also odd that the team manages to hire the engineers who designed the much-maligned Three Gorges Dam in China, and nobody thinks to provide any critical commentary about that project. 

Rating: Salmon Fishing in the Yemen is a nice little romantic comedy, and….that’s about as far as it goes. This film could have been a lot funnier, and a truly biting political satire if it wasn’t cowed by modern-day political correctness (for example, the Sheikh is willing to throw billions of dollars away on a ridiculous vanity project, yet he’s portrayed as a benign purveyor of New Age psychobabble, rather than an egomaniacal narcissist), and if it didn’t make the absurd storyline secondary to the predictable romance that develops between Dr. Jones (McGregor) and Harriet (Emily Blunt).  7/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1441952/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

Beyond the Mind's Eye (1993)

Synopsis: Um….it’s 45 minutes of dated computer imagery accompanied by bad early-1990s synth-pop. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “BEYOND is a surreal voyage bridging the gap between reality and imagination.” 

What Did I Learn?: Look within your dreams! They can take you beyond the mind’s eye! 

You Might Like This Movie If: you're in the mood to take an easy listening acid trip. 

Really?: See: “Synopsis.” 

Rating: It’s a bit difficult to review Beyond the Mind’s Eye, considering there’s no story, no characters, and only two lines of dialogue - one of which you’ll find in the “What Did I Learn?” section. Some of the film’s 11 animated vignettes are still quite visually stunning, but the CGI effects that wowed audiences in 1993 are a little crude by 2020 standards. For me though, the biggest disappointment is the  irritating soundtrack from Jan Hammer, the man who gave Miami Vice its amazing and distinctive musical score. I guess Hammer did his best work in the 1980s. Meh. 6/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0167046/?ref_=fn_tt_tt_1

Tough Guys (1986)

Please click the links to read my reviews of two other pairings of Kirk Douglas and Burt Lancaster: Gunfight at the O.K. Corral, and Seven Days in May. 

Synopsis: Silver screen legends Douglas and Lancaster re-team one last time to sleepwalk their way through a highly-contrived, poorly written and largely forgettable caper comedy. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Screen giants Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas star in this upbeat, action-packed comedy adventure.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) The Gold Coast Flyer weighs 70 tons. 2) Surrender’s for wimps! 3) You can’t go throwing yogurt into everyone’s faces when you lose your cool.

You Might Like This Movie If: You've always wanted to see Janet Jackson's strangest music video. 

Really?: 1) Holy shit, there’s something wrong when you have Burt Lancaster cracking one-liners and you have DANA CARVEY playing a thankless straight-man role. 2) So, wait - Archie and Harry - two elderly ex-cons -  foil a bank robbery on their first day out of prison, and it doesn’t make the evening news? 3) Maybe I missed something, but why are Archie and Harry on parole, exactly? They were sentenced to thirty years in the slammer (which seems like an awfully long sentence, considering they didn’t hurt anyone), and they served their time. 4) How do Archie and Harry keep encountering so many gratuitously nasty people? 5) I’m curious: is money an issue for Archie and Harry? Is the state paying for Harry’s retirement home room? How can Archie afford to buy an Uzi or that loud club suit when he keeps getting fired from crappy minimum wage jobs? 6) Wow… Archie and Harry are released from prison exactly one week before the Gold Coast Flyer makes its final run, and they’re fortunate enough to catch that bit of news in time. 7) Obviously, it’s ridiculous to see a couple of unarmed senior citizens beat up and terrify a bunch of street punks, but let’s ask a couple of deeper questions about that scene… have multi-ethnic street gangs ever really existed outside of Hollywood productions? And does anyone seriously think that an LA street gang would be armed with switchblades, circa 1986? 

Rating: I hadn’t watched Tough Guys since the early 1990s, and I somehow remembered it being a lot funnier. While it’s nice that Douglas and Lancaster made one final movie together, it’s a shame they chose this turkey. Tough Guys suffers from a number of problems (see: “Synopsis” and “Really?”); the biggest in my mind being that Archie and Harry apparently possess balls of steel. These gents carry themselves with so much confidence that the audience knows they’re never really in any danger, so there’s no emotional payoff when they finally succeed. 6/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092105/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

The FBI Story (1959)

Dang - this film, and The Cheyenne Social Club would have been perfect for my 2015 tribute to James Stewart! 

Synopsis: Good old Jimmy Stewart attempts to humanize an unaccountable, and sometimes-dangerous organ of the Deep State. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “35 years of crimebusting with G-man James Stewart!” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) If a communist spy leaves his apartment on a Sunday morning, you can be pretty sure he’s not going to church! 2) Craftiness can solve many a criminal case, but with hoodlums you sometimes need a good conscientious, hard-working machine gun.

You Might Like This Movie If: You're in the mood to hear some questionable stories from the FBI. 

Really?: 1) I’m curious - why in the world would Mario get up and yell “Hey Amigos” at the oncoming soldiers? Any sensible person would keep his head down, his mouth shut, and get the fuck out of Dodge. 2) So, Lucy wants Chip to leave the Bureau….and then she doesn’t… and then she does again… and then she leaves Chip because she can’t stand worrying about his safety, but she later returns to him, problem unresolved. And then we’re treated to the same melodramatic anguish when her son enlists in the Marines. Oh, the melodrama!! 3) Speaking of which, was it really necessary to blast the Marine Corps hymn not once, not twice, but three times? 4) Oh wow…even in 1959, this film defends the internment of Japanese Americans (and some German ex pats), even though nearly all of them were law-abiding citizens. 

Rating: Stewart does his best to carry this picture, but The FBI Story is essentially propaganda with a capital P - it even features a cameo appearance from the real J. Edgar Hoover! Bias aside, The FBI Story is also far too long and weighted down by a lot of pointless and repetitive scenes involving Chip’s family and some absolutely terrible dialogue. Still, the actual case work vignettes are quite compelling, so it does have some redeeming features. 5.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0052792/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Badlands (1973)

Please click the link to read my review of True Romance, which was heavily influenced by this film. 

Synopsis: It’s a classic small town 1950s American love story in the tradition of  Grease or Footloose… good-looking young guy from the wrong side of the tracks falls for good girl, her old-fashioned father disapproves, so he wins her love by…icing the son-of-a-bitch and going on a cross-country killing spree?!?! WTF?!?! 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “In 1959, Kit (Martin Sheen), who has killed several people, and his new girlfriend Holly (Sissy Spacek), who watched him do it, are adrift in a double fantasy of crime and punishment across South Dakota and Montana.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Salt grass tastes a lot like cabbage. 2) Everybody loves trout! 3) Listen to your parents and teachers. They got a line on most things, so don't treat em like enemies. There's always an outside chance you can learn something. Try to keep an open mind. Try to understand the viewpoints of others. Consider the minority opinion. But try to get along with the majority of opinion once it's accepted. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You've committed a serious crime, and you're looking to escape to Montana('s). 

Really?: 1) This film is based upon the real-life murder spree committed by Charles Starkweather sea Caril Ann Fugate, so I’m a little reluctant to criticize its credibility. Still, I was shocked when Kit murders Holly’s dad, and she barely reacts; later, he whacks his buddy Cato (who seems content to lay in bed and slowly bleed to death as he tells Holly all about his pet spider), as well as a nice young couple, and Holly doesn’t seem to care. None of these people seem terribly real. 2) Gee…. Kit and Holly look awfully clean and tidy, even though they spend the bulk of this movie living in cars and tree houses without too many changes of clothing, don’t they? 

Rating: I have to give Badlands a very mixed review; the film features some beautiful cinematography of the American West, both Sheen and Spacek deliver incredibly well-acted performances, and I quite enjoyed its strange musical score of selections from Carl Orff’s Musica Poetica. In some ways, Badlands is an impressive picture, but Writer/Director Terrence Malick really drops the ball by never revealing Holly or Kit’s motivations, or developing their characters (see: "Really?") Were either of them physically or sexually abused? Why is Holly’s dad so ridiculously overprotective of her? Did Kit simply snap when he shot Holly’s father, or was he always a violent sociopath? Who are these people? By the end, I possessed no better understanding of either Kit and Holly than I did at the beginning, and I certainly didn’t feel any need to care about them. 6/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069762/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_3