The Groomsmen (2006)

Synopsis: Loveable goofballs party hearty and get into trouble right before a wedding. Wait, that’s the Synopsis for The Hangover. Um…. Old friends reminisce, and discuss big thoughts about life and relationships before one of them ties the knot. No, that’s The Wood. Ok… Edward Burns and his blue collar, Irish Catholic buddies date women who look like underwear models, and worry about getting serious. No, that’s She's the One and The Brothers McMullen.  

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “The countdown to Paulie’s (Edward Burns) wedding to his beautiful and pregnant girlfriend, Sue (Brittany Murphy), reunites Paulie’s childhood pals for a week-long raucous bachelor party filled with laughs at every turn.” 

What Did I Learn?: “if you have one kid, you lose a little bit of your life, a little free time, a little bit of your freedom. But you have two kids, your life is over.”

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that wedding jitters aren't an uncommon occurrence. 

Really?: I can’t believe Burns edited out every scene of John Mahoney (best known as Martin Crane on Frasier) as Paulie’s father, but kept at least ten or fifteen minutes of God-awful songs performed by the main characters. 

Rating: The Groomsmen is a warm, funny, and very believable character-driven comedy with likeable (albeit a bit whiny) characters and some nice moments. My only complaint would be that I didn’t need to hear so much terrible music, and Burns should have at least considered eliminating the garage band sub-plot from the script. 8/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0455958/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Sherlock Holmes (2009)

I'm not doing a tribute to Rachel McAdams - she just happened to appear in this, and in Wedding Crashers. Oh, and click the link to check out my review of a very different take on Sherlock Holmes: Without a Clue, starring Michael Caine and Ben Kingsley. 

Synopsis: It’s Sherlock Holmes... for anyone who thinks the Arthur Conan Doyle stories sorely needed martial arts-style fighting, explosions, and superhuman stunts. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “The hangman did his job, Dr. Watson declared the condemned man dead…. and yet Lord Blackwood has emerged from the tomb to assert his deadly will over 1890 London.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Never theorize before you have data. Invariably, you end up twisting facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts. 2) No girl wants to marry a doctor who can't tell if a man's dead or not! 3) There is a toxin, refined from the nectar of the rhododendron ponticum. It's quite infamous in the region of Turkey bordering the Black Sea for its ability to induce an apparently mortal paralysis. 4) How terrible is wisdom, when it brings no profit to the wise.5) The little details are by far the most important. 6) Death…is only the beginning. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to see the world's greatest detective in action. 

Really?: 1) See: “Synopsis.” 2) I’m still trying to understand Lord Blackwood’s big plot. So, if he and his buddies murder Britain’s Parliamentarians, they can somehow take over the British Empire? Would Queen Victoria have something to say about that? How would the then-God-fearing British feel about being governed by a shadowy Satanic cabal? Wouldn’t that act of mass murder generate a huge backlash? 3) Um, is it really possible to mentally plan out a fistfight four or five moves ahead of your opponent, and have it go exactly the way you envisioned? 

Rating: The 2009 Robert Downey Jr. / Jude Law version of Sherlock Holmes isn’t nearly as terrible as several close friends had warned me ahead of time. It’s actually a fairly enjoyable (albeit fluffy and forgettable) action-thriller, and I liked the chemistry between the two leads. My problem, however, is that I simply didn’t want to see Doyle's sleuth reimagined as Christopher Nolan’s Batman, and I strongly suspect that Guy Ritchie and the Warner Brothers execs threw in the fights, explosions and crazy stunts because they were afraid audiences couldn’t handle a more traditional presentation. At the end of the film, I asked myself: “what the heck did I just watch?” 6.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0988045/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Wedding Crashers (2005)

Synopsis: Sex-starved imbeciles ruin a wedding. Oh wait, wasn’t that the Synopsis for The Sweetest Thing? 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Guided by a set of ‘wedding crashing rules’ John Beckwith (Owen Wilson) and Jeremy Grey (Vince Vaughn) can charm their way into any wedding… and into the hearts of every bridesmaid.” 

What Did I Learn?: The Rules of Wedding Crashing: Rule #1: Never leave a fellow Crasher behind. Crashers take care of their own. Rule #2: Never use your real name. Rule #3: Never confess. Rule #4: No one goes home alone. Rule #5: Never let a girl come between you and a fellow Crasher. Rule #6: Do not sit in the corner and sulk. It draws attention in a negative way. Draw attention to yourself, but on your own terms. Rule #7: Blend in by standing out. Rule #8: Be the life of the party. Rule #9: Whatever it takes to get in, get in. Rule #10: Invitations are for pussies. Rule #11: Sensitive is good. Rule #12: When it stops being fun, break something. Rule #13: Bridesmaids are desperate - console them. Rule #14: You're a distant relative of a dead cousin. Rule #15: Fight the urge to tell the truth. Rule #16: Always have an up-to-date family tree. Rule #17: Every female wedding guest deserves a wedding night. Rule #18: You love animals and children. Rule #19: Toast in the native language if you know the native language and have practiced the toast. Do not wing it. Rule #20: The older the better, the younger the better (See rule below) Rule #21: Definitely make sure she's 18. Rule #22: You have a wedding and a reception to seal the deal. Period. No overtime. Rule #23: There's nothing wrong with having seconds. Provided there's enough women to go around. Rule #24: If you get outted, leave calmly. Do not run. Rule #25: You understand she heard that, but that's not what you meant. Rule #26: Of course you love her. Rule #27: Don't over drink. The machinery must work in order to close. Rule #28: Make sure there's an open bar. Rule #29: Always be a team player. Everyone needs a little help now and again. Rule #30: Know the playbook so you can call an audible. Rule #31: If you call an audible, always make sure your fellow Crashers know. Rule #32: Don't commit to a relative unless you're absolutely sure that they have a pulse. Rule #33: Never go back to your place. Rule #34: Be gone by sunrise. Rule #35: Breakfast is for closers. Rule #36: Your favorite movie is "The English Patient". Rule #37: At the reception, one hard drink or two beers max. A drunk crasher is a sloppy crasher. Rule #38: Never hit on the bride! It's a one-way ticket to the pavement. Rule #39: The way to a woman's bed is through the dance floor. Rule #40: Dance with old folks and the kids. The girls will think you're "sweet." Rule #41: Try not to break anything, unless you're not having fun. Rule #42: At the service, sit in the fifth row. It's close enough to wedding party to seem like you're an invited guest. Never sit in the back. The back row just smells like crashing. Rule #43: Create an air of mystery that involves some painful experience when interacting with the girl you're after, but don't talk about it. Allude to it. Then walk away, She'll follow. Rule #44: Always remember your fake name! Rule #45: The Rules of Wedding Crashing are sacred. Don't sully them by "improvising." Rule #46: You forgot your invitation in your rush to get to the church. Rule #47: Make sure all the single women at the wedding know you're there because you've just suffered either a terrible breakup or the death of your fiancée. Rule #48: Always work the following into a conversation: "Yeah, I have tons of money. But how does one buy happiness?" Rule #49: Be pensive! It draws out the "healer" in women. Rule #50: Always pull out in time. Rule #51: Tell any woman you're interested in that you'd love to stay, but you promised to help out at the homeless shelter today. Rule #52: Get choked up during the service. The girls will think you're "sensitive". Bring a slice of onion or artificial tears if necessary. Rule #53: Avoid virgins. They're too clingy. Rule #54: If pressed, tell people you're related to Uncle Ned. Everyone has an Uncle Ned. Rule #55: Don't fixate on one woman. ALWAYS have a back-up. Rule #56: When seeing a rival crasher, do not interact. Merely acknowledge each other with a tug on the earlobe and gracefully move on. Rule #57: The Ferrari's in the shop. Rule #58: If two rival crashers pick the same girl, the crasher with the least seniority will respectfully yield. Rule #59: No "chicken dancing" - no exceptions. Rule #60: When crashing out of state, request permission from a local Wedding Crasher chapter. Rule #61: No more than two weddings a weekend. More and your game gets sloppy. Rule #62: Bring an extra umbrella when it rains. Courtesy opens more legs than charm. Rule #63: Always save room for cake. Rule #64: When your crash partner fails, you fail. No man is an island. Rule #65: Smile! You're having the time of your life. Rule #66: Mix it up a little. You can't always be the man with the haunted past. Rule #67: No sex on the altar. Confessionals, okay. Chair lofts, better. Rule #68: Two shut-outs in a row? It's time to take a week off. Ask yourself: what is getting in the way of my happiness? Rule #69: Research, research, research the wedding party. And when you are done researching, research some more. Rule #70: Studies show that women have a more developed sense of smell. Breath mints: small cost, big yield. Rule #71: No excuses. Play like a champion! Rule #72: In case of emergency, refer to the playbook. Rule #73: Gilrs in hats tend to be proper and rarely give it up. Rule #74: Keep interactions with the parents of the bride to a minimum. Rule #75: Carry extra protection. Rule #76: No Excuses, play like a champion . Rule #77: The tables furthest from the kitchen always get served dinner first. Rule #78: Stop, look, listen. At weddings. In life. Rule #79: Occasionally bring a real gift. You're getting sex without having to buy dinner, so you can afford a blender. Rule #80: Always think ahead, but always stay in the moment. Reconcile this paradox and you'll not only get the girl, you might also get peace of mind. Rule #81: Don't let the ring bearer bum your smokes. His parents may start to ask questions. Rule #82: Stay clear of the wedding planner. They may recognize you and start to wonder. Rule #83: Don't use the "I have two months to live" bit - not cool, not effective. Rule #84: Shoes say a lot about a man. Rule #85: Always choose large weddings. More choice. Easier to blend. Rule #86: You're from out of town. ALWAYS. Rule #87: Know something about the place you say you are from. Texas is played out. For some reason, New Hampshire seems to work. Rule #88: Of course you dream of one day having children. Rule #89: Never dance to "What I Like About You." It's long past time to let that song go. Someone will request it at every wedding. Don't dance to it. No matter how hot she is. Rule #90: Tell the bride's friends and family that you are family of the groom and vice-versa. Rule #91: Only take one car. You never know when you'll need to make a fast escape. Rule #92: Deep down, most people hate themselves. This knowledge is the key to most bedroom doors. Rule #93: Try not to show off on the dance floor. That means you Jeremy. Rule #94: Etiquette isn't old-fashioned, it's sexy. Rule #95: Catholic weddings - the classic dilemma: painfully long ceremony, horny girls. Rule #96: The newspaper Wedding Announcements are your racing form. Choose carefully. Rule #97: Be judicious with cologne. Citrus tones are best. Rule #98: Save the tuxes for "the big show" only. Rule #99: Avoid women who were psychology majors in college. Rule #100: No periwinkle colored ties, please. Rule #101: Always have an early "appointment" the next morning. Rule #102: Be well groomed and well-mannered. Rule #103: Never cockblock a fellow crasher. Cockblocking an invited guest is okay. Rule #104: Eat plentiful, digest your food. You'll need the energy for later. Rule #105: Know when to abandon ship if it ain't floating. Rule #106: Know your swing and salsa dancing. Girls love to get twisted around. Rule #107: Always carry an assortment of placecards to match any wedding design. Rule #108: Make sure your magic trick and balloon animal skills are not rusty. If the kids love it, the girls will too. Rule #109: Never reveal your true identity. Rule #110: Never walk away from a crasher in a funny jacket. By decree of Chazz Reingold, Creator of the Rules of Wedding Crashing, revised from 1989 in October 2004, the following bits of slang are no longer acceptable: "it's all good," "hey, no worries," and any sentence that involves anyone getting "their freak on."

(Ok, most of this was gleaned from imdb.com, which cites a DVD titled "The Rules of Wedding Crashing as its source)

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that real wedding crashers are nothing but trouble. 

Really?: 1) So, Zach is a philandering, nasty and manipulative jerk, but Claire (Rachel McAdams) has dated him for the past three-and-a-half years? Does he have any positive attributes? This doesn’t exactly ring true. 2) So, Mrs. Cleary (Jane Seymour) really, really wants to seduce John, she coaxes him into feeling her breasts, and then this entire sub-plot is quickly shelved. 3) Funny how Jeremy is shot in the ass with buckshot, and we see him sitting down to dinner soon afterwards. 4) So, were these guys ever caught in a lie before the Cleary wedding, or asked to leave? I wanted to see more of John and Jeremy in action, rather than a montage of footage set to "Shout" by the Isley Brothers. 

Rating: It’s strange, but I somehow remember Wedding Crashers as a much funnier film. While WC delivers a few isolated laughs (mostly at Vaughn’s expense), it’s also vulgar, unoriginal, predictable, and quite dopey. I might have given Wedding Crashers a barely-passing grade, but Will Farrell’s atrocious cameo appearance, and the movie’s highly-contrived-yet-lacklustre ending prevent me from doing so. I cannot recommend this movie. 4.5/10 stars.  

Would It Work For a Bad Movie Night?: Sure - take a drink any time a heterosexual male character says something along the lines of: “I love you, man” or “get in here for the real thing” before hugging another heterosexual male character. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0396269/?ref_=rvi_tt

A Mighty Wind (2003)

Synopsis: Waiting for laughs, man. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “In A Mighty Wind, director Christopher Guest reunites the team from Best in Show and Waiting For Guffman to tell the story (co-written by Eugene Levy) of ‘60s-era folk musicians, who, inspired by the death of their former manager, get back on the stage for one concert in New York City’s Town Hall.” 

What Did I Learn?: Back in the 1960s, “preparing for a concert meant playing ‘find the cobra’ with the hotel chambermaid.” 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that a mighty wind can be highly unpredictable. 

Really?: Colour-worshipping witches? A Swedish music executive who peppers his speech with Yiddish phrases? Harry Shearer in a dress? Are any of these concepts actually funny, or am I correct in thinking that Guest and Levy essentially ran out of gas, creatively speaking, after Best in Show? 

Rating: I wanted to like A Mighty Wind, but it’s the weakest and least memorable of the Christopher Guest mockumentaries. While I really enjoyed Levy’s inspired performance as a weird-but-loveable burnout, neither the songs nor the dialogue of A Mighty Wind are all that funny or clever, and the film’s overall tone is a little too good-natured to adequately satirize the folk music scene. Check it out if you’re a die-hard Spinal Tap fan, and you want to watch Guest, Michael McKean and Shearer on stage as The Folksmen. 5.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0310281/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Best in Show (2000)

Synopsis: Waiting for Woofman. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Waiting for Guffman’s Christopher Guest directs and many of that film’s stars (including Fred Willard as a loopy commentator) reunite for this hilarious look at dog show participants (and the pooches who love them).” 

What Did I Learn?: Nobody wants to hear a song about terriers. 

You Might Like This Movie If: See: “What Did I Learn?” 

Really?: I realize the hotel manager (Ed Begley Jr.) wants to maintain good relations with the dog show people, but I’m pretty sure that any couple who tried to check in without a solvent credit card, adequate cash or travellers cheques would be shown the door, not a storage room with a couple of folding cots. 

Rating: Best in Show is a nice, good-natured satire of the world of competitive dog shows that doesn’t quite live up to the high expectations that Guest established for himself with This is Spinal Tap and Waiting For Guffman. Overall, it’s populated with a lot of adorable pooches and mostly unlikeable characters  (Parker Posey and Michael Hitchcock are nearly unwatchable as the upwardly mobile-and-obnoxious Swans). Still, I have to give Best in Show at least one extra star for Willard’s deceptively dopey commentary in the final 20 minutes - he’s hilarious. 7/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0218839/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Waiting For Guffman (1996)

Please click the link to read my review of the most famous Christopher Guest mockumentary, This is Spinal Tap. 

Synopsis: Hilarity ensues when small-town rubes produce sub-par musical. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Blaine, Missouri, may be small, but Corky St. Clair always dreams big. Determined to get back to the lights of Broadway, he’s created Red, White and Blaine, a musical celebration of the burg’s 150th anniversary.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Blaine Missouri was once the Stool Capital of America. 2) It’s not a bad idea to conduct a bit of research into the size of your local municipality’s operating budget before you hit up the town council for 100 grand. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You would watch Parker Posey in anything. 

Really?: 1) Did anyone consider the possibility of video-taping Red, White and Blaine? 2) So…everyone in this mockumentary is both funny and quirky. That’s convenient. 

Rating: Waiting for Guffman isn’t quite in the same league as the legendary This is Spinal Tap, but it is a delightful, and very funny character-driven comedy featuring a great cast, including SCTV vets Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara. I still chuckle when I think of Corky’s (Guest) big meltdown after the Mayor rejected his request for more money. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0118111/?ref_=nv_sr_1

The Lincoln Lawyer (2011)

Hey, this would have been perfect for my Let’s Get Legal film fest. 

Synopsis: Bottom-feeding ambulance-chaser finally discovers his ethical limits. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Mickey Haller (Matthew McConaughey) is a Los Angeles criminal defence attorney who operates out of the back of his Lincoln sedan.” 

What Did I Learn?: It’s not a bad idea to maintain friendly relations with a drug-dealing motorcycle gang, just in case you ever need them to rough somebody up. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to see the film that spawned a line of car commercials... and their parody. 

Really?: 1) Wait - early on, we discover that Roulet’s attack on the young prostitute was foiled by a gay couple who heard the struggle and intervened. What happened to them? Why does neither the prosecution nor the defence call them as witnesses in the case? 2) Gee, if I were locked up in jail on a bogus conviction, and my lawyer showed up a few years later with a mugshot photo and asked: “is this the guy you saw that night?” I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t get angry and run back to my cell. 

Rating: The Lincoln Lawyer suffers from a few credibility problems (see: “Really?”), but it’s otherwise a suspenseful, and highly enjoyable courtroom thriller featuring nice performances from McConaughey as a sleazy-but-likeable attorney and Marisa Tomei as his long-suffering ex-wife and occasional courtroom adversary. 8/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1189340/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Shrink (2009)

Synopsis: Self-absorbed, burnt-out therapist provides sage advice to motley collection of screw-ups while remaining strangely oblivious to his own problems. So, it’s basically In Treatment, except Paul Weston is a major pothead. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “SHRINK stars Kevin Spacey as Henry Carter, LA’s top celebrity psychiatrist with an A-list clientele, including a kinda-famous actress (Saffron Burrows), a wildly insecure young writer (Mark Webber), and an obsessive-compulsive super-agent (Dallas Roberts). 

What Did I Learn?: 1) The first step toward happiness is always the hardest. 2) Happiness. Happiness is a word for a feeling. Feelings are rarely understood; in a moment they are quickly forgotten and misremembered. 3) It's all bullshit and then you die. 4) Titanic is way too long, and the boat sinks 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that therapy isn't always easy. 

Really?: 1) I have to wonder: how do so many of Henry’s patients (as well as his drug dealer) all seem to know each other? 2) So, wait…. Jemma (Keke Palmer) and Henry are both rightly furious with Jeremy (Webber) for basing his screenplay on her confidential file, yet everyone decides to forgive and forget just because it’s so well-written? I’m not buying that one. 

Rating: Shrink is a sometimes-funny, sometimes-poignant story about a depressed psychiatrist attempting to recover from a devastating emotional blow. The film works best when we watch Henry analyze his patients, but Spacey’s character isn’t on screen all that much, and we mostly see him smoke weed in a parking lot or passed out after a night of booze and drugs. Shrink is a good movie that could have been better by focusing more on Henry’s work, and developing a more believable ending. 7/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1247692/?ref_=nv_sr_1

The Town (2010)

Synopsis: Small-time armed robbery mastermind gets the bright idea of seducing and dating the one witness to his gang’s crimes. Wait, WTF? 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “As he plans a job that could resume in his gang’s biggest score ever, a longtime thief plans a way out of the life and the town while dodging the FBI agent looking to bring him and his bank-robbing crew down.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) You gotta chase the rabbit if you want the tail. 2) No matter how much you change, you still have to pay the price for the things you’ve done. 3) Anyone who lawyers up is guilty. 4) A one-square-mile Boston neighbourhood called Charlestown is apparently America’s crime capital. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that it isn't easy to pull off an armed robbery. 

Really?: 1) See: “Synopsis.” Doug (Ben Affleck) is presented to the audience as a fairly street-smart career criminal. Does he seriously believe he can keep his involvement in the crime a secret from Claire? 2) Hmm… burying $500,000 in a community garden in the hope that Claire will find it seems a bit risky, but I guess Doug doesn’t have too many choices near the end of the movie. 

Rating: Plot-wise, The Town bears an uncanny resemblance to Heat: a criminal mastermind plans one last big score involving stolen cars and automatic weapons while he romances a nice lady, and dodges an obsessed cop. While Heat featured great dialogue and a memorable scene between Al Pacino and Robert De Niro, The Town is far more formulaic and depressing. Check it out if you’ve ever wanted to see Jon Hamm portray somebody other than Don Draper in Mad Men. 6/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0840361/?ref_=nv_sr_1

The Magnificent Seven (1960)

Synopsis: It’s essentially The Three Amigos without the laughs. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Spectacular gun battles, epic-sized heroes and an all-star cast that includes Academy Award winners Yul Brynner and James Coburn, together with Steve McQueen, Eli Wallach and Charles Bronson, make The Magnificent Seven a legend among westerns.” 

What Did I Learn?: Yul Brynner had the acting talent of a toaster. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to see the movie that inspired an extremely lacklustre remake. 

Really?: 1) These guys would have to be the world’s cheapest mercenaries. 2) So, the peasants score a major victory against Calvera (Wallach), and then…. they want to surrender? 3) Um…. wouldn’t Calvera realize Chico has infiltrated his camp? Are we supposed to believe Calvera doesn’t know his own men? 4) Hold on - the Magnificent Seven are responsible for killing quite a few of Calvera’s men, he gets the upper hand against them, and then…..he lets them go? 5) Let me see….the townspeople actually betray the Seven, without any regard for their safety, yet our rearmed heroes later decide to return to settle the score with Calvera? Oh, come on…. 

Rating: While it’s generally regarded as a classic Western, and it certainly features an impressive cast, The Magnificent Seven is greatly overrated. The film is marred by terrible acting (not just from Brynner, by the way - many of his colleagues wildly overact), a lack of any character development, and a plot that stops making any sort of sense at the half-way point (see: “Really?”). Check it out only if you want to watch McQueen upstage Brynner’s wooden performance by waving and removing his hat at odd moments. 5.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054047/?ref_=rvi_tt

Career Opportunities (1991)

Synopsis: Ok, do you remember Ducky from Pretty in Pink? Well, just imagine he meets Jessie Wyler from Against All Odds (who looks exactly like Gloria Harper from The Hot Spot), and they somehow wander into Dog Day Afternoon. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “The town con and the town beauty team up to outwit a half-wit pair of would-be burglars in this hilarious new comedy from John Hughes.” 

What Did I Learn?: Apparently, Target doesn’t hire nighttime security guards and it expects a single janitor to clean an entire store over the course of a 10-hour shift. Oh, and nobody gets a set of keys on their first day. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You really, really want to watch Jennifer Connelly and Frank Whaley roller skate to some bad early 1990s dance music. 

Really?: 1) See: “What Did I Learn?” 2) I can understand why Jim (Whaley) isn’t doing much with his life, but why isn't Josie in college, or working for her father? 3) So, wait - Jim makes a really big deal about the fact that he’s locked in the store without a set a keys, but the burglars somehow manage to get inside without tripping any alarms? How did they do that? 4) Speaking of the two hoods, we’re informed that they’re cold-blooded killers, yet they never think about raping Josie, or even tying up their hostages. Heck, they actually allow Jim to continue cleaning the place. 5) Ok, this is a big one…. Jim and Josie knock the burglars unconscious. Do they pick up the guns and call the cops? No - they run away and force the burglars to chase them down. 

Rating: Career Opportunities might be described as a surrealist adolescent romantic comedy, but it isn’t one of Hughes’ better movies; its ending is far too abrupt, I had trouble believing Josie would ever fall for Jim in real life, and the dialogue sounds written, rather than authentic. That said, Whaley and Connelly share a nice chemistry, and it’s a lot of fun to watch their characters interact. Career Opportunities could have been a lot more interesting if Hughes had axed the burglars storyline altogether in order to focus on the culture clash of Jim and Josie’s very different backgrounds, but maybe Hughes figured he already covered that ground in Pretty in Pink and Some Kind of Wonderful. 7/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101545/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Dirty Work (1998)

Dang - this would have been perfect for my tribute to Revenge-themed movies in 2011. 

Synopsis: Fired Weekend Update anchor deadpans his way through lowbrow-and-lower-budget comedy. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Life’s not so great for Mitch Weaver (Norm MacDonald) - he lost his 14th job in just three weeks, his girlfriend dumped him and now his best friend’s dad (Jack Warden) needs a new heart!” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Making love to a blow-up doll is not as good as advertised. 2) Remember: no matter how bad life gets, there is always beer! 3) In the land of the skunk the man with half a nose is king.

You Might Like This Movie If: You're in the mood to watch some dirty work. 

Really?: It’s funny how the local prostitutes can simply drop everything they’re doing in order to participate in silly pranks for little-or-no money. 

Rating: Dirty Work isn’t a great movie by any stretch of the imagination, but I’ve always liked Norm MacDonald (for my money, he was SNL’s all-time best news anchor), and the film delivers a number of genuinely funny belly laughs largely because it never takes itself too seriously; heck, there’s a scene where MacDonald’s character gets raped in jail, and he simply shrugs it off. Watch for Don Rickles in a short, but memorable cameo appearance. 6.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120654/?ref_=nv_sr_1

The Jerky Boys (1995)

Happy April Fool’s Day! 

Synopsis: It’s basically 81 minutes of “Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Then you’d better let him out!,” punctuated by scenes of Alan Arkin asking: “what the hell is a ‘fruity-ass’”? 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Hold the phone! Here’s the first big-screen adventure from the hot comedy recording artists behind two platinum albums - The Jerky Boys!” 

What Did I Learn?: “Sizzle chest,” “fruity little bastard,” “fruity ass,” “sweetie cakes,” “beefy tits,” “meat lips,” “milky-licker,” “squeaky balls,” “liver lips,” “sweetie pants,” and “barrel ass” are all highly unusual, and therefore strangely memorable insults. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You love prank phone calls. 

Really?: 1) So, Uncle Freddy (William Hickey) turns out to be a long-lost acquaintance from Ernie’s (Arkin), and the whole thing has zero significance on the story. 2) I’m pretty sure Mrs. B wouldn’t be able to move, let alone run, when she had those cement galoshes on her feet. 3) Funny how the plot kept placing Johnny and Kamal into situations where they needed to make prank phone calls, isn’t it? 4) Did somebody seriously pay $8.99 plus tax for a copy of this film? 

Rating: The Jerky Boys delivers a few genuinely funny moments (the legendary Ozzy Osbourne makes a wonderful cameo appearance as a grumpy band manager), but it’s otherwise a tiresome romp marred by terrible acting and a dopey script. I cannot recommend this movie. 4.5/10 stars. 

Would it Work For a Bad Movie Night?: Absolutely! Take a drink any time you hear the phrase “low-lifes from Queens.” 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110189/?ref_=nv_sr_5