Thursday, March 27, 2014

Where Eagles Dare (1968)

Clint Eastwood Movie #7

Synopsis: Clint Eastwood and Richard Burton single-handedly wipe out the entire German army in Southern Bavaria.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “The mission: to rescue an important American General from the hands of the German high command. The obstacle: the most inaccessible fortress in the world. The stakes: the very outcome of World War II.”

What Did I Learn?: Apparently, you can spray a bus with machine-gun fire about 60 or 70 times and never hit anyone.

You Might Like This Movie If: you figure it must be about a daring eagle.  

Really?: 1) See: “What Did I Learn?”. 2) See: “Synopsis”. 3) Aside from “Broadsword to Danny Boy”, it’s amazing how Major Smith (Burton) never once uses coded language over the radio, and refers to people, places and targets matter-of-factly. 4) So... Smith is on a commando raid in Germany, and he still manages to get laid? Wow. 5) While I can totally see Clint Eastwood climbing the walls of a German castle, I have a funny feeling Burton would have trouble getting out of bed with a nasty hangover. 6) So... this whole operation was planned to test the loyalty of a few special agents? Wouldn’t it be much, much safer and simpler to pick them up in England, and interrogate them there? 7) Fuck it, I give up.

Rating: Where Eagles Dare starts out well – a team of Allied commandoes go deep, deep behind enemy lines on a top-secret mission, but everything soon starts to fall apart thanks to a dizzying array of ridiculous plot twists and completely unbelievable action sequences. Moreover, at 2 hours and 38 minutes, the film is far too long and it NEVER SEEMS TO END; after the second hour, I wanted to throw something at my TV set. This movie is ok for a rainy Sunday afternoon but it’s much more of a turkey than an eagle. 5.5/10 stars.

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