Charlie Wilson's War (2007)

Tom Hanks Quadruple Feature #3 (My apologies - I meant to finish this mini-tribute to Tom Hanks last month, but I got a little side-tracked with other matters) Oh, and please click the links to read my reviews of two other movies that deal with the war in Afghanistan: The Living Daylights and Rambo III. 

Synopsis: Hard-drinking, and surprisingly liberal good-ole-boy Texan politician single-handedly solves America’s biggest foreign policy crisis of the early 1980s…and creates an entirely new one for the following century. 2007

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Based on the outrageous true story.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) You know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re told you have character flaws by a man who hanged his predecessor in a military coup. 2) They don’t serve whisky in rehab. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know the Soviet Union made a big strategic blunder when it spent years bogged down in Afghanistan, and...oh, wait. 

Really?: 1) See: “Synopsis.” Seriously, I realize Charlie Wilson’s War is a biopic that highlights Wilson’s rather important role in getting arms and supplies to the Afghan resistance, but holy shit, the only reference to Ronald Reagan is near the end, to suggest the Gipper didn’t know what was going on. I had a hard time believing Wilson and the CIA could do their thing without *some* involvement from the rest of the Executive Branch. 2) You know, I don't think screenwriter Aaron Sorkin ever provides a credible reason for Wilson's deep interest in helping out the rebels. 

Rating: I wanted to like Charlie Wilson’s War a bit more than I did. The film is amusing at times, Hanks brings a roguish charm to the title role, and I liked his exchanges with Hoffman’s character. The big problem is that there’s no antagonist for Wilson, and he never encounters a roadblock he can’t handle, so there isn’t really any tension - just a lot of meetings; people ask him to get more money for the Afghan rebels, he succeeds, and the cycle repeats. Moreover, we know there’s no possibility of a serious romance between Wilson and Joanne Herring (Julia Roberts), so their flirting seems tacked-on and pointless. 6.5/10 stars.

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0472062/?ref_=nv_sr_1

One Way Out (2002)

Happy Canada Day! Please click the links to check out my reviews of a few other Canadian (or at least made-in-Canada) movies. 

The Silent Partner, Strange Brew, It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time, Hard Core Logo, Joshua Then and Now, The Trailer Park Boys: Countdown to Liquor Day, The Trailer Park Boys Christmas Special, Mr. Patman/Crossover, Heavy Metal, Lost and Found, Hitman Hart: Wrestling with Shadows, Bon Cop, Bad Cop, and Splendido Secrets) 

Synopsis: Jim Belushi portrays a dirty cop with a gambling addiction who tries to stage the perfect crime, and…. Oh wait, that’s the synopsis for Gang Related. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “In Every Cop There Is A Crime”

What Did I Learn?: Jason Bateman isn’t a very good actor. (Ok, I think I learned that by watching The Hogan Family) 

You Might Like This Movie If: You've found yourself in a situation where there's only one way out. 

Really?: 1) What are the odds that Harry would be asked to assist in the murder of Evans (Guylaine St.-Onge) the night after the two of them met, and even enjoyed some hot sex in her car? 2) Um…Harry’s big plan to assist John is to have him kill his wife in the house they share, make him the prime suspect, but not give the cops quite enough evidence? How about making it look like a carjacking or a botched robbery in another part of town, and giving John an alibi? 3) So, John wants to double-cross Harry by setting him up for the murder of Evans? Doesn’t it ever occur to him that Harry might sing like a canary if he figures he has nothing to lose? Isn’t mutual silence a much better option? 

Rating: One Way Out isn’t quite a bad movie, but it is a low-budget made-in-Canada crime thriller that comes perilously close to becoming one, thanks to a script that doesn’t make a lot of sense and a less-than-stellar performance from Bateman. 5.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0290795/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Cast Away (2000)

Tom Hanks Quadruple Feature #2

Synopsis: Efficiency-obsessed nerd gets on the wrong plane and develops a close personal friendship with a volleyball. Wait, WTF? 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “DISCOVER THE UNFORGETTABLE JOURNEY OF HOPE, COURAGE AND SURVIVAL.” [Yup - all caps]

What Did I Learn?: 1) Coconut milk is a natural laxative. 2) 87 hours is an eternity. 3) We must not commit the sin of turning our back on the clock. 4) We live and die by the clock - that’s all we have. 5) 500,000 square miles is twice the size of Texas. 

You Might Like This Movie If: much like Chuck, you have a lovely bunch of coconuts. 

Really?: 1) It’s nice of Chuck (Hanks) to bury the dead pilot, but I had a hard time believing he wouldn’t first remove the man’s tie and belt, considering each might prove useful. And why wouldn’t he open that last FedEx package? 2) I realize four years of solitude on a deserted island might drive anyone bonkers, and Chuck created an imaginary friend to keep himself sane, but holy cow, I really got tired of hearing him scream “Wilson!” over and over again. 3) So, wait…wouldn’t Chuck’s colleagues have known that he had lived on a meagre diet of coconuts, fish and crabs for four years before they welcomed him home with a big seafood dinner? 4) Does Chuck still have a driver’s licence at the end of the movie? Just curious….5) Hmm… funny how Chuck never once uses any profanities - even when he’s forced to remove a rotten tooth using a barbaric method. 

Rating: Cast Away is a very compelling adventure film  even though it consists of long stretches without any dialogue. Actually, the movie works best when Hanks is alone on the island and forced into survival mode - it’s fascinating to watch his character adapt to the environment and solve problems as they arrive. Still, the last 20-30 minutes are a little lacklustre. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0162222/?ref_=rvi_tt

Punchline (1988)

Tom Hanks Quadruple Feature #1 (Please click the links to read my reviews of Saving Private Ryan, The Road to Perdition, Catch Me if You Can, and That Thing You Do)

Synopsis: Bored housewife forms platonic relationship with troubled-yet-brilliant tutor who teaches her how to use the English language more effectively. Oh, wait - that’s the synopsis for Educating Rita! Um… The search for the mysteries of comedy lures good people away from scholarship and loving relationships…no, that’s The Name of the Rose. Um…. Older woman charms frustrated, broke and desperate young man to help her become a star….no, that’s Sunset Boulevard. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Comedy is no laughing matter for Sally Field and Tom Hanks who take centre stage in the smash hit PUNCHLINE.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Everybody loves housewives. 2) It’s safe to poke fun at debutantes. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that comedy is tough. 

Really?: 1) Hmm… Stephen (Hanks) mentions his larger-than-life, big-game-hunting heart surgeon father on numerous occasions, yet we never get to meet the guy. For that matter, Stephen flunks out of medical school early in the movie, his dad never finds out, and this potential conflict is never resolved. 2) Is it just me, or is nearly all of Stephen’s and Lilah’s (Fields) material really awful? 3) I’m pretty sure a comedy club audience would NOT sit silently if a comedian were to experience an on-stage nervous breakdown, complete with actual sobbing. 

Rating: Punchline is a slightly dated, but entertaining film about the late 1980s standup comedy scene in New York City. Hanks and Fields work well together (so well that they returned a few years later to play mother and son in Forrest Gump), and the film features a couple of great moments, such as Stephen doing a Gene Kelly impression, and Lilah (Fields) preparing for an important dinner set to Khachaturian’s Sabre Dance. My only complaint would be that I found it strange that a film which examines a potentially hysterical subject never once made me laugh (see: “Really?”). 7/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095927/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_71

A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints (2007)

Synopsis: Self-absorbed, narcissistic douchebag returns home after long absence to enrage his hot-tempered father one more time before the old fart croaks. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “A coming of age drama about writer/director Dito Montiel’s youth, the film captures the mid-1980s in the toughest neighbourhood of Astoria, Queen’s.” 

What Did I Learn?: In the mid-1980s Astoria wasn’t a nice, working-middle class district of New York City at all, but a violent slum with garbage on the streets. Oh, and the local teenagers wore tattered and crappy clothing. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're nostalgic for the *ahem* better days of growing up in the not-so-mean streets of New York City, circa 1986. 

Really?: 1) Hold on - Antonio watches his whack job brother accidentally kill himself in a grotesque manner, and all he wants to talk about during the service is exacting revenge against a local hood for an unrelated matter? Sorry, I didn’t buy that scene. 2) See: “What Did I Learn?” 3) I realize Dito had some very real emotional problems that stemmed from his family and social life, but I had a lot of trouble believing it would take him 20 years to return to New York, or that he wouldn’t do a better job of staying in touch with the people who supposedly mean so much to him. Come to think of it, I have to wonder how a teenaged boy with no money and no connections could survive, let alone become a famous writer in California. 

Rating: I have to give A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints a rather mixed review. I’ve always liked autobiographical character-driven films, and there are a number of splendid performances in this picture; Diane Wiest is great, and I’ll never forget an emotionally-charged scene between Shia LaBeouf and Chazz Palminteri where young Dito essentially says goodbye to his father. Still, Guide rubbed me the wrong way (see: “Synopsis” and “Really?” of the characters, including Dito, are all that likeable or sympathetic (so I had a hard time caring about any of them), the ending provides very little resolution, and what’s the deal with director Dito Montiel’s distracting and unnecessary use of imagined conversations and subtitles for conversations in English? 6.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0473488/?ref_=rvi_tt

Ladder 49 (2004)

Synopsis: Joaquin Phoenix volunteers for an extremely dangerous job, even though is cute girlfriend doesn’t want him to do so, and…. Oh, sorry - that’s the synopsis for We Own the Night. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Academy Award-nominated stars Joaquin Phoenix (Best Supporting Actor, Gladiator, 2000) and John Travolta (Best Actor, Pulp Fiction) ignite the intense action in this heroic tale of ordinary men with uncommon courage!” 

What Did I Learn?: Apparently, it’s really easy to deconstruct a brick wall in minutes, using nothing but a piece of rebar. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You take ladder safety very, very seriously. 

Really?: 1) See: “What Did I Learn?” 2) Funny how we’re told nothing about Jack Morrison’s family or background, aside from his religious affiliation. Does he come from a long line of firemen? Was he expected to enter the profession, or was this entirely his decision? 3) Did anyone else think it was a bit selfish and irresponsible for Jack to ask for a transfer from engine duty (i.e. putting out fires with a hose) to truck duty (rescue work), which is much more dangerous job, when he has a wife and several children to think about? 

Rating: Ladder 49 is a treacly, and highly disappointing post-9/11 celebration of firemen that tries too hard to paint these brave individuals only as heroes, and doesn’t put much effort into reminding us they’re still ordinary men with ambitions, hopes, fears, etc… An obvious comparison would be Dennis Leary’s TV series Rescue Me, except that nobody who drinks a bit too much in this movie ever becomes an alcoholic, marriages stay intact, and Phoenix’s character knows exactly the right things to say when his kids express legitimate fears for his safety. Oh, and Leary’s show was often funny, compelling, and sometimes even provided some insights into a difficult and misunderstood job. I cannot recommend this movie. 3/10 stars. 

Would it Work For a Bad Movie Night?: Probably not, but take a drink any time somebody mentions that “firemen run into a burning building when everybody else is running out” line. Once is fine, but it’s used on several occasions. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0349710/?ref_=rvi_tt

We Own the Night (2007)

Synopsis: Fun-loving young man with cute girlfriend discovers his father is in danger, reluctantly enters the family business, and discovers he’s much better at it than his blowhard brother. Wait - it’s the mirror image of The Godfather! 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “What if your family stood in the way of everything you worked for? Bobby Green (Joaquin Phoenix) forsakes his families (sic) tradition in law enforcement to become a Brooklyn nightclub owner.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) If you piss in your pants, you only stay warm for so long. 2) It’s better to be judged by twelve than carried by six. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're deeply nostalgic for 1988.

Really?: 1) I had a bit of trouble believing Bobby’s big meeting with Vadim and his crew in the stash house. First of all, he never once inquires about what his cut might be for distributing Vadim’s heroin (which I imagine would be his primary question if he were sincere), but why in the world would he ask where the heroin comes from when he’s wearing a wire and the cops specifically told him not to say anything that would attract suspicion? 2) The movie takes place in 1988, yet Bobby’s club keeps playing Blondie’s Heart of Glass, which was released several years earlier. Wouldn’t the hottest nightclub outside Manhattan play something a little more contemporary? 3) Do Bobby and Joseph actually speak Russian? They use a phrase or two now and then, and their father’s surname name is Grusinsky, so they might have a basic understanding of Slavic languages, but this is never made entirely clear. 4) Wow, Bobby’s personality completely transforms after his brother gets shot, doesn’t it? 

Rating: We Own the Night is an enjoyable, if somewhat formulaic crime thriller that works thanks to some good performances and stylish direction by James Grey. Oh, and I have to give this film an extra star for including an original, compelling, and highly memorable car chase shot entirely from the vantage point of one driver. 8/10 stars.  

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0498399/?ref_=rvi_tt

Scarecrow (1973)

Gene Hackman Movie #4 

Synopsis: Doomed delinquent dad delights deeply determined, demented drifter during disastrous drawn-out drive. Destination: Detroit! 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: "Hackman. Pacino. On the road in an award-winning American classic." 

What Did I Learn?: 1) For every car, there’s dirt. 2) Scarecrows are beautiful. 3) Gene Hackman was not a skilled striptease artist. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You really want to see Al Pacino tell off a passing motorist with an odd insult. 

Really?: I had a bit of trouble believing Riley (Richard Lynch), who’s only serving 18 months in prison, is allowed to drive a jeep and even has his own, personal collection of hard liquor because he bribes the guards, would want to rape Lion. Couldn’t he arrange for a conjugal visit, or something? 

Rating: Scarecrow is an unusual, but extremely well-acted character-driven drama that features two iconic stars who never worked together again, afterwards. Scarecrow isn’t an easy film to watch - Lion’s (Pacino) journey turns really tragic in the second act, and the ending doesn’t resolve much, but it’s a memorable story about two very different men who form a strong friendship, and it’s well worth watching at least once. Interestingly, Pacino said that Scarecrow was the best script he had ever read, and Hackman was most proud of his performance in movie. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070643/?ref_=nv_sr_2

March or Die (1977)

Gene Hackman movie #3

Synopsis: Post-WWI French soldiers come to the sad realization their country is in for a long, long period of getting its ass kicked. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: "At the end of World War I, Major Foster (GENE HACKMAN), a tough, bitter American who was forced to resign from West Point and is now in the French Foreign Legion, is ordered, with his legionnaires, to protect an archeological expedition headed by Francois Marneau (MAX VON SYDOW) of the Louvre, who is to excavate for a priceless tomb in Morocco." 

What Did I Learn?: When a sadistic drill sergeant asks you to state your former occupation, it’s not a great idea to reply: “Premier of France!” 

You Might Like This Movie If: You've always been tempted to join the Legion. 

Really?: 1) I have to admit that I don’t know all that much about the French Foreign Legion, but I was a little surprised when the legionnaires in this movie underwent zero basic training before they were sent to Morocco. 2) I’m curious: would Muslim tribesmen really feel much kinship with the corpse of a 3,000-year old pagan female warrior nicknamed the Angel of the Desert? 3) Hold on - Marneau - the completely amoral art historian who doesn’t give a shit about the plight of his colleagues or the men who protect them is one of the only Frenchmen to survive the big assault? That seems a little unsatisfying. 4) I realize the Legion had a reputation for accepting anyone as a recruit without asking any questions about their past, but why in the world would they take in Marco the pickpocket? Who would be dumb enough to trust that guy? 

Rating: I wanted to like March or Die, but I would have to describe it as slow-moving and strangely confused about the story it wants to tell: does it want to condemn the Legion for brutality within its ranks and serving as an instrument of French colonialism, or celebrate the derring-do of legionnaires like Marco? For that reason, we’re never entirely sure if we ought to like Hackman’s character or not. Check it out if you’re a fan of the Indiana Jones franchise and you want to see its rather obvious influence on George Lucas and Steven Spielberg when they made Raiders of the Lost Ark. 6/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076175/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Heartbreakers (2001)

Gene Hackman movie #2

Synopsis: It’s sorta-like Dirty Rotten Scoundrels meets The Mother-Daughter Exchange Club

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: "Get ready to lose your heart - and your bank account - to a couple of sexy sirens in this 'vastly enjoyable comedy' (People Magazine)!"

What Did I Learn?: 1) Love is pain. 2) Life is pain. 3) Cigarettes dissolve cholesterol. 4) Everyone is a little irritable after they choke. 5) “College stuff” is not a satisfactory answer if you fraudulently present yourself as a professor and you’re asked which subject you teach. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You'll watch anything that was filmed in the Breakers Hotel in Palm Beach Florida. 

Really?: 1) Heartbreakers is a screwball comedy, so I can overlook some of the sillier plot contrivances but I had a bit of trouble believing Page could be that obnoxious to Jason and still seduce him. 2) Wow - Sarah Silverman and Zach Galifianakis really don’t have much to do as Linda and Bill, do they? 

Rating: Heartbreakers is an entertaining black comedy that works as long as the viewer doesn’t ask too many questions about the plot. While I liked the bickering banter between Max (Sigourney Weaver) and Page (Jennifer Love Hewitt), Hackman steals the film with a strangely endearing performance that borrows heavily from W.C. Fields in his prime. Heartbreakers definitely loses some momentum after his character suffers from one-too-many coughing fits. 6.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0125022/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_6

The Domino Principle (1977)

Gene Hackman Movie #1 (Please click the links to read my reviews of Hoosiers, Uncommon Valor, The French Connection, The French Connection II, The Royal Tenenbaums, Heist, The Replacements, Twice in a Lifetime, BAT 21, A Bridge too Far, Twilight, Crimson Tide, Absolute Power, Get Shorty, Wyatt Earp, The Firm, Unforgiven, Postcards from the Edge, The Package, The Poseidon Adventure, The Conversation, Bite the Bullet, and Night Moves)

Synopsis: Apparently, the Deep State is so hard-up for trained assassins it must break them out of prison and shove wads of cash in their pockets. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Stanley Kramer directs Gene Hackman in this pulse-pounding, action-adventure thriller.” 

What Did I Learn?: Deep State assassins really enjoy blowing up cars. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You figure it must be a full-length version of this. 

Really?: 1) See: “Synopsis.” 2) Tucker beats the crap out of a Deep State goon, and even throws him down a flight of stair, possibly killing the man. Is this ever mentioned again? No. 3)  So, how long has Spiventa (Mickey Rooney) been in the slammer? That’s a demanding assignment, and I’m not sure if he actually convinced Tucker to do anything. 4) So, let’s see…. Tucker has fulfilled his assignment, he holds a Deep State goon at knifepoint, knowing they have no further use for him, he has a plane that can take him just about anywhere in the world, and he decides to go to the Central American vacation home the Deep State purchased for him? Yeah, that’s a great idea… 

Rating: The Domino Principle is a ho-hum, and somewhat dated 1970s conspiracy thriller that’s good for an evening’s entertainment, but suffers from a plot that doesn’t make too much sense (see: “Synopsis,” “What Did I Learn?” And “Really?”) and a muddled ending that’s less than satisfying. Apparently, the film was originally three hours long, so it’s entirely possible some of its problems stem from key scenes left on the cutting room floor. 6/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075950/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Confidence (2003)

Synopsis: Motley band of flim-flam artists talk gangster into bankrolling an operation… oh wait, doesn’t that sound a lot like The Sting? 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “When professional grifter Jake Vig (Edward Burns) inadvertently cons a mob boss known as The King (Dustin Hoffman), he is given two choices: pull off a near-impossible heist on a mark of The King’s choice, or lose his life.” 

What Did I Learn?: Sometimes, style can get you killed

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to watch a skilled con artist at work. 

Really?: So, ultra-cynical Jake brings Lily (Rachel Weisz) into his small gang of con artists after she picks his pocket because he likes her style? Um….sure. 

Rating: This is going to sound terrible, but I have procrastinated the writing of a review for Confidence for over a month, and I can’t remember very much of it - which ought to tell you something. Sure, the film has a great cast, and Hoffman performs well as a very strange porn-loving gangster (he’s the one memorable character!), but it’s otherwise over-plotted and difficult to follow. 7/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0310910/?ref_=nv_sr_1

The Italian Job (2003)

Synopsis: Mark Wahlberg mugs his way through formulaic, by-the-numbers remake of classic 1960s heist film. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “The plan was flawless. The execution was perfect.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Never mess with mother nature, mother-in-laws, and mother-freaking Ukrainians. 2) FINE stands for Freaked Out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional. 3) There are two kinds of thieves in the world: the ones who steal to enrich their lives and those who steal to define their lives. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're secure in the knowledge that such a massive gold heist could never happen in real life. 

Really?: 1) Is there some reason Charlize Theron’s character spends nearly the entire film wearing sleeveless shirts and tank tops? 2) Steve (Edward Norton) richly deserves to meet with an unhappy ending, but gee… couldn’t he have gone to jail, or died from a bullet wound. Knowing he’s about to be horribly tortured to death by Ukrainian gangsters sort-of ruined the ending for me. 3) So, Steve changes his plans to move the gold at the last minute, and the gang is somehow able to change everything, and even develop a complex alternative counter-plan over the course of an evening? 4) Handsome Rob (Jason Stratham) is touted as one of the world’s best wheel-men, except that Stella (Theron) and Charlie (Wahlberg) are also skilled high-speed drivers, which really diminishes his character. 5) Gee…that romance between Stella and Charlie seems awfully tacked-on. 

Rating: The 2003 remake of The Italian Job reminded me a great deal of the new-and-improved Ocean’s Eleven (see: “Synopsis”): slick, fast-paced, and stylishly-directed with lots of impressive special effects, but also bland, and populated with two-dimensional characters spouting forgettable dialogue. It’s ok, but far from great. 6.5/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0317740/?ref_=nv_sr_1

The Italian Job (1969)

Synopsis: Loveable band of thieves pull off daring European gold robbery….oh, wait - that’s Kelly’s Heroes. Um….Michael Caine plans a heist with a sexy dame. No, that’s Gambit. Um…intrepid adventurers anger powerful enemy when they plunder something of great value. No, that’s Conan the Barbarian. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Forget about the straight and narrow. Clever con Charlie Croker (Michael Caine) intends to go straight to the bank.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) They serve spaghetti four times a day in the Italian prisons. 2) Everybody in the world is bent. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to see a cocky Brit take on a difficult Italian job. 

Really?: 1) So, Professor Peach (the late, great Benny Hill) goes to jail, and nobody cares? 2) I had a hard time believing the Mafia would attempt to chase Charlie and his gang out of Italy after hearing of his plot. Isn’t it far more likely they would demand a cut of the loot? 3) Speaking of the Mafia, it’s funny how they nearly murder Charlie and his accomplices, and then they’re no longer a factor in the story. 4) Bridger forces Charlie to work with one of his henchmen, and they clearly dislike each other, yet that subplot never really goes anywhere. 5) Wait, why do our heroes insist upon driving the three Mini Coopers into a large truck when all four vehicles are hauling ass to Swiss border? They're on a deserted stretch of road - why not pull over?

Rating: The Italian Job is a silly, yet funny and extremely entertaining late 1960s caper comedy that works well as long as you don’t ask too many questions about the plot (see: “Really?”). I'm willing to overlook a few plot holes. Caine does a wonderful job as the likeable Charlie, but famed writer Noel Coward is superb as the authoritarian gangster Mr. Bridger. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064505/?ref_=nv_sr_2

The Fighter (2010)

Synopsis: It’s kind of like Rocky…as seen through the lens of The Jerry Springer Show. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “…the bond of blood may be their only chance for redemption.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Belle Epoque doesn’t contain any good sex scenes. 2) It’s not fucking lady-like to be shouting in the street. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that boxing is a serious business. 

Really?: Hmm….. Mickey’s mom is presented as a selfish, uncaring, and borderline-batshit crazy you-know-what for the first two acts of the film, so Mickey’s reconciliation with her feels weird, and more than a little unconvincing. 

Rating: The Fighter is a very good, but not-quite-great character-driven drama that starts out well, and loses its way near the end. Christian Bale and Melissa Leo deliver fine performances as Mickey’s crack-addicted older brother, and his delusional mom, respectively, and I liked the interactions between Bale and Wahlberg, but I didn’t buy Mickey’s rapprochement with his mother (which suddenly eliminated her as Mickey and Charlene’s major antagonist). The audience expects Mickey to eventually make a choice between his caring and understanding girlfriend, and his severely dysfunctional family, yet it never comes. 8/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0964517/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Scenes of the Crime (2001)

Synopsis: It’s basically two hours of Jeff Bridges getting roughed up in the back of a blue panel van. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “He thought he was ready for anything. He was wrong.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Nothing cures an offence like money. 2) No one gets any guarantees. 

You Might Like This Movie If: you know that crime scenes can be rather messy. 

Really?: 1) That’s the ending? Pretty lacklustre, if you ask me. 2) Wait a minute…Lenny (Jon Abrahams) is basically just Rick’s driver, and isn’t a criminal, yet he decides to hold Jimmy (Bridges) hostage after Rick gets iced? I had a little trouble believing that turn of events. 

Rating: The best thing in Scenes of the Crime is a highly convincing performance from Bridges as a kidnapped white collar criminal. The film is otherwise an ok, but very strangely paced crime thriller that’s marred by an unsympathetic protagonist and an ending that should have been rewritten (see: “Really?”) 6/10 stars 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0265709/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Hostage (2005)

Synopsis: Bruce Willis portrays a bald, stone-faced and deeply-troubled law enforcement officer who must suddenly cope with a major crisis. Wait, doesn’t that pretty much describe every movie Bruce Willis makes these days? 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Every second counts.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Cops play golf when they retire. 2) Rich people always got a way out. 3) Only God gets to decide who lives and dies. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're ok with Bruce Willis basically sleepwalking through this stage of his career. 

Really?: 1) Gee, nobody notices that Tommy essentially goes missing for long stretches of his supposed captivity, and the air duct system can take him anywhere in the house? Gee, that’s convenient. 2) So, Walter Smith (Kevin Pollak) is near-death from too many blows to the head, yet he makes a miraculous recovery, and even later agrees to assist Tally in killing his former accomplices? 3) Hmm…Tally doesn’t do a very good job of following instructions from the mob villains, does he? 4) Gee….I really didn’t buy Mars’ transformation into some sort of Kaiser Soze-like killing machine. 

Rating: Bruce Willis needs to hire a better agent, or do a better job of picking scripts, because like many of his other recent cinematic choices, Hostage is humourless, excessively violent, populated with unlikeable characters and utterly pointless. The film might have worked a lot better had the mob villains been removed from the script, and replaced with more of a psychological cat-and-mouse dynamic between former hostage negotiator Tally and the young punks in the house. Instead, we’re treated to a convoluted mess that completely falls apart in the third act. I cannot recommend this movie. 3/10 stars. 

Would it Work For a Bad Movie Night?: No, but take a drink any time you find yourself asking: “would a chief of police really do that?” 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0340163/?ref_=nv_sr_1

What Doesn't Kill You (2008)

This would have worked for my salute to addiction-related movies. 

Synopsis: Heavy-drinking-and-drug-taking low-IQ family man criminal and his slightly-smarter co-dependent best buddy commit crimes and go to jail. Wait, isn’t this movie essentially a retelling of The Trailer Park Boys without the laughter?

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Torn between the desire to be a good husband and the lure of easy money, Brian must make the hardest choice of his life.” 

What Did I Learn?: Five grand is five grand. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that if something doesn't kill you, it must make you stronger. 

Really?: 1) Am I wrong in thinking that Amanda Peet was miscast as Stacy Reilly? She’s certainly a talented actress, but maybe a little too thin and attractive to play a woman who would be financially destitute without her father’s assistance. I imagine she she could either find another guy, or a job as a waitress, bartender, or stripper without much difficulty. 2) Those end title cards are a little blunt and obvious for my taste. I’m curious: how does Brian find a job on the loading docks when he has a criminal record? And I realize Paulie (Ethan Hawke) isn’t the centre of the story, but how did he get pinched for the armoured car robbery? 

Rating: What Doesn’t Kill You is a gritty, hard-hitting, and often depressing character-driven drama about a very low-level crook, and his attempts to straighten out his life by getting away from booze and drugs, and reconnecting with his estranged family. WDKY begins with a botched armoured car robbery, but it certainly isn’t an action movie; the dialogue, and some of the aerial shots of snow-covered Boston strangely reminded me of another film about struggling criminals, Straight Out of Brooklyn. Check it out for Mark Ruffalo’s impressive performance as Brian Reilly. 7.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1133991/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Leaves of Grass (2009)

Synopsis: Textbook translating teacher takes trouncing, talks to toking, tale-telling Tulsa twin, treasures tantalizing temptress. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Leaves of Grass is a comic thriller seen through the perspectives of identical twins Bill and Brady Kincaid (both played by two-time Academy Award nominee Edward Norton.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) We’re all animals, with brains that trick us into thinking we aren’t. 2) True parallel lines don’t exist in nature, and man can’t create them. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that leaves of grass can be extremely valuable. 

Really?: 1) So, Mr. Uptight travels all the way to Oklahoma without even bringing a change of clothing or booking himself into a hotel? Where does he expect to sleep, exactly? 2) Ok, I get that Brady loves his estranged brother, but I had a hard time believing he would attempt to follow his career by apparently reading everything the guy published in unreadable academic journals. 

Rating: I wasn’t expecting much when I popped Leaves of Grass into my DVD player the other night, but I have to admit that I was pleasantly surprised. Leaves of Grass is an intelligent, and surprisingly funny film about two very different brothers who share an extremely high IQ. Kudos to writer/director Tim Blake Nelson for creating such an original and compelling script, and to Edward Norton for flawlessly pulling off a double role. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1151359/?ref_=nv_sr_1