The Boondock Saints (1999)

Dang - I probably should have saved this for St. Patrick’s Day! 

Synopsis: Multilingual Irish meatpackers team up with cat-killing idiot to rid Boston of its least-competent gangsters. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “FBI agent Paul Smecker (Willem Dafoe) is on the trail of two vigilante brothers (Sean Patrick Flanery and Norman Reedus) whose spiritual sense of justice has turned Boston’s streets red with blood.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) People in glass houses sink sh-sh-ships. 2) Charles Bronson always uses rope in his movies, and it’s useful to have some when you decide to go on a killing spree. 3) That James Bond shit never happens in real life - professionals don’t do that! 4) Willem Dafoe does NOT look good in drag. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You really want to humiliate a smug work colleague. 

Really?: 1) So, a couple of working-class Irish guys from Boston are fluent in Russian, French, German, Spanish and Italian? Well, that’s convenient. 2) Funny how both Il Duce (Billy Connolly playing against type) and the Saints are all skilled sharpshooters, yet nobody gets hit during their big gun battle. 

Rating: The Boondock Saints is a darkly comic thriller about a couple of Irish-American brothers who become vigilantes, and the brilliant-but-seriously weird FBI agent (Dafoe, in a performance that pretty much steals the show) who pursues them. On the whole, it's a good film with a funny and compelling script that also takes itself a bit too seriously near the end. 8/10 stars 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0144117/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Revolver (2005)

Dang - I should have used this for my tribute to British Gangster Movies. 

Synopsis: Guy Ritchie set out to create something akin to The Usual Suspects meets Waking Life; instead, he made another Rancid Aluminum with a whole lot of psychobabble. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “REVOLVER is populated with Guy Ritchie’s (Snatch; Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels) classic breed of fast-talking, sharp-suited gangsters but with a psychological twist that your mind may not be able to handle.” [Ooh, that’s clever - if you don’t like this movie, it’s your fault because you can’t “handle” it.] 

What Did I Learn?: Apparently, your ego isn’t really you, and you shouldn’t listen to what it has to say. 

You Might Like This Movie If: See: "What Did I Learn." 

Really?: 1) See: “What Did I Learn?” [WTF?] 2) Funny how Jake spent years in prison sandwiched between a con man and a chess grandmaster, and fate somehow throws him together with Zach (Vincent Pastore) and Avi (André Benjamin), and he never seems to put two and two together. 3) How exactly did Zach and Avi fake Jake’s illness, and fudge the medical records? 4) So, wait - Zach and Avi offer Jake protection from Macha in exchange for all of his money. Why would he take the offer, knowing full well that he’s dying, anyway? This doesn’t make any sense. 5) Ok, did Zach and Avi brainwash Jake when they were all in jail, or did they just encourage him to listen to his inner voice (which isn’t really him)? And is Jake really “Sam Gold”, or does Sam Gold live in the heads of every would-be big-time criminal? And if that’s the case, who are the attractive female hench-ladies who claim to work for Gold? 6) I realize Sorter (Mark Strong), the cold-as-ice hitman, doesn’t want to murder a little girl, but up until his big face-turn, the viewer isn’t given any indications that he might have second thoughts about murdering people in cold blood. It’s very unconvincing. 7) I give up. 

Rating: I quite enjoyed Guy Ritchie’s earlier films, so when I sat down to watch Revolver, I was unprepared for the convoluted, pretentious, and nonsensical mess that awaited me (See: "Synopsis," "What Did I Learn?" and "Really?") The movie starts out well - Jake Green (Jason Stratham) is released from prison, and wants some payback from oddly-named gangster Dorothy Macha (Ray Liotta), but the script quickly veers off into a number of bizarre directions, and it’s clear that Ritchie was in way over his head when he tried to inject thought-provoking, esoteric ideas into the world of Cockney gangsters. I cannot recommend this movie. 2/10 stars. 

Would it Work For a Bad Movie Night?: Absolutely! Take a drink any time Ray Liotta screams hysterically, or somebody in the film says something “clever” along the lines of: “greed is the only snake that cannot be charmed,” or “The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you will ever look.” 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0365686/?ref_=rvi_tt

Pride and Glory (2008)

Synopsis: So, there’s this troubled cop who returns to active duty to investigate a big crime, and he uncovers corruption, and…wait, isn’t this basically the same ground that Narc covered? And Night Falls on Manhattan? And Serpico? And Copland? And the January Man? And….         

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Four cops down: two dead two likely. An NYPD drug bust has gone horribly wrong, and Detective Ray Tierney heads the investigating task force.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Francis Tierney Sr’s kids are the most important thing in the world. 2) If Jimmy Egan’s boys were doing something, he would know about it. 3) You’re supposed to fix any leaks in a boat before laying down carpet, but leaks come with owning a boat. 4) 

You Might Like This Movie If: You love clever, and highly imaginative dialogue. 

Really?: Wow….a cop who lives on a boat in the marina. That’s original. (Please see my reviews of Blood Work and Lethal Weapon). 

Rating: Pride and Glory isn’t bad for an evening’s entertainment, but I couldn’t help myself from thinking I had seen this movie - or at least certain elements of it before (see: “Synopsis” and “Really?”). Ed Norton does a capable job of carrying Pride and Glory, yet the movie itself is an unoriginal paint-by-the-numbers police thriller, and highly derivative of better films. 6.5/10 stars.  

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0482572/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Suicide Kings (1997)

Synopsis: Basically, the pretentious-but-vaguely-defined goofballs from Kicking and Screaming kidnap a slightly-nicer version of the villain from True Romance. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Avery is desperate: his sister has been kidnapped and ransomed for $2,000,000, and his father doesn’t have the cash. So Avery and his buddies concoct a bold, semi-suicidal scheme: abduct retired mob boss Charlie Bartolucci (Christopher Walked), hide out in their uptight friend Ira’s house while his folks are out of town, and force Bartolucci to use his contacts to find the girl.” 

What Did I Learn?: Everybody lies. Cops lie; newspapers lie; parents lie; the one thing you can count on is the word on the street. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that if you insist upon wearing $1500 stingray boots, you might receive a bit of good-natured ribbing from friends and colleagues. 

Really?: 1) Ok, I realize the guys are desperate to get Jennifer back from the kidnappers, but how can they be sure Charlie’s people can actually find these people, and what do they think is going to happen after they let him go with a severed finger? 2) So, a big-time ex-mob boss gets into a car with a bunch of strange young men without even informing his bodyguard? That seems a bit implausible. 

Rating: Suicide Kings is a little contrived (see: "Really?"), but it’s a suspenseful, and occasionally funny psychodrama with an unusual cast and a fine performance from Walken. It’s a pleasure to watch Charlie terrify-and-manipulate his captors, even though he’s taped to a chair and slowly bleeding to death, and I especially loved the scenes when he torments (and later befriends) whiny-and-neurotic Ira (Johnny Galecki). 8/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120241/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Fun With Dick and Jane (1977)

Synopsis: Middle-class family learns the hard way that crime pays, and working hard for the American Dream is for chumps. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “George Segal and Jane Fonda star in this hilarious send-up of upper middle class mores and the price people are willing to pay to maintain a comfortable lifestyle.” 

What Did I Learn?: If a crowd starts to gather as the repo men are grabbing your few, meagre possessions, your best course of action to salvage your self-respect is to loudly yell: “that’s not the model we ordered - get it out of here immediately!” 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know it isn't easy to successfully rob a convenience store. 

Really?: Funny how the cops never seem to zero in on our heroes, even though they stop wearing masks, or any sort of disguises during the later holdups!!

Rating: I’m probably being overly generous with my rating, but I genuinely liked Fun With Dick and Jane. Segal and Fonda share some sparkling comedic chemistry (it’s also rather interesting to see Ed McMahon do something besides guffaw on Johnny Carson’s couch), the script is subversively funny, and it’s difficult to dislike these flawed, but all-too-human characters. That said, the film’s humour is very much a product of the late 1970s, so it may rub politically correct viewers the wrong way. 9/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0076059/?ref_=nv_sr_2

Fun With Dick and Jane (2005)

Synopsis: Heavily-indebted corporate executive loses his job, and…..oh, who are we kidding? It’s basically 90 minutes of Jim Carrey acting like a hyperactive idiot. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “When Dick Harper (Jim Carrey) is terminated as Globodyne Corporation’s VP of Communications, he assures his wife, Jane (Téa Leoni), he’ll find another job in no time. Madder and desperate than ever, Dick and Jane turn to the fastest-growing sector in the white-collar job market - armed robbery - as they become upscale suburban Robin Hoods, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor….namely themselves.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Globodyne is a consolidator of media properties. 2) Apparently, it’s really easy to sneak around through a commercial bank building, and surreptitiously enter and exit executive office suites. 3) We’re all just cavemen, trying to protect our patch of land. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You really want to watch somebody melt down during a network news interview. 

Really?: 1) See “What Did I Learn, #2”, 2) I'm not sure a stock can drop to $0 a share in mere minutes, but let's chalk that up to creative screen writing. A more pertinent question is this: Dick serves as Globodyne’s Vice President of Communications, but had he ever appeared on television, or been interviewed by a reporter before his big flop on a national broadcast? One assumes he would be a little better at spinning corporate BS. 

Rating: Fun With Dick and Jane has a few good moments, but it’s an unnecessary, and uninspired remake of the 1977 classic (most of the best material comes from the original), and Carrey nearly ruins it with an over-the-top and grating performance. Moreover, the script’s message about late 1990s/early 2000s Enron-style corporate fraud seems a bit tacked-on. 6/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0369441/?ref_=nv_sr_1