Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Thunderball (1965)

Connery-Lazenby James Bond Movie #4

Synopsis: It’s a James Bond adventure… with a shitload of boring stock footage from Jacques Cousteau.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “The thrills never let up as James Bond dives into this riveting adventure filled with explosive confrontations and amazing underwater action sequences.”

What Did I Learn?: Nothing will get you into a woman’s pants faster than telling her she “swims like a man.”

Really?: 1) So wait… Bond just happens to be staying at the very same health spa, and at the very same time during which SPECTRE is doing something dastardly? What an incredible coincidence!! 2) Hold on… Domino is the sister of the real pilot killed by SPECTRE, and she just happens to be Largo’s plaything? That’s not only an incredible coincidence, but it doesn’t really make any sense. 3) I had a little trouble believing Bond would punch Felix Leiter in the gut to prevent him from identifying Bond as “007”, when it’s obvious Largo knows exactly who he is, and Bond even uses the word “spectre” twice during his casino encounter. 4) Um…not that many people would jump into shark-infested waters, armed only with a knife. 5) A “harmless radioactive pill”? 6) This is dialogue worthy of George Lucas: “But of course, I forgot your ego, Mr. Bond. James Bond, the one where he has to make love to a woman, and she starts to hear heavenly choirs singing. She repents, and turns to the side of right and virtue... but not this one!”

Rating: Clocking in at 132 minutes, Thunderball is far, far too long, and it could have used a serious editing job, especially with the underwater scenes, which seem to drag on forever (perfect example: do we need to see five fucking minutes of SPECTRE divers putting a tarp overtop the downed aircraft?). Throw in some plot points that don’t make a lot of sense and cringe-inducing dialogue, and you’re left with a sub-par Bond flick. 6/10 stars.



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