Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Gremlins (1984)

Christmas Movie #8


Synopsis: It’s the ultimate anti-free trade movie: idiot buys made-in-China Christmas present, and small-town America gets decimated! 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Sure, he’s cute. Of course you can keep him. But heed these three warnings: Don’t ever get him wet. Keep him away from bright light. And the most important thing, the one thing you must never forget: no matter how much he cries, no matter how much he begs, never, never feed him after midnight.” 

What Did I Learn?: Apparently, the most dangerous, blood-thirsty character in this movie is Billy’s mom. 

Really?: 1) Never feed a Mogwai after midnight? But... it’s ALWAYS after midnight! When is it safe to feed the little little turds? And wait - you can't even give them water to drink? Considering nearly every living thing on this planet is at least 70% water, how is a Mogwai supposed to keep hydrated? 2) Speaking of turds, Judge Reinhold plays an uber-obnoxious 23-year old bank vice president who makes life miserable for Billy, and then... he completely disappears from the film? I was expecting the gremlins to run his nose through a pencil sharpener, or something. 3) Funny how there are hundreds, or maybe thousands of Gremlins running around Kingston Falls, and yet none of them ever get caught on tape by a surveillance camera, or anything. 4) So, um... is there a reason the Gremlins kill people, but make each killing look like an accident? They don’t seem terribly bright, and they're one big rainstorm away from ruling the Earth, anyway. 5) Oh, and that reminds me - why doesn't snow cause the Gremlins to multiply? 

Rating: If you don’t mind a bit of gross-out humour, Gremlins is both an affectionate (and often funny) tribute to old horror films, and an interesting companion movie to It’s a Wonderful Life. My only complaint would be that the comedy and horror sometimes blend uneasily, and it’s often difficult to know whether or not to take the little monsters seriously. 7.5/10 stars.

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