Coogan's Bluff (1968)

Hey, this would have been perfect for my tribute to Clint Eastwood's Not-Dirty-Harry cop movies! 

Synopsis: Police officer travels to strange new location, fights crime, and feels like a fish out of water. Oh wait, that’s the Synopsis for In the Heat of the Night...and Beverly Hills Cop... and Black Rain...and Die Hard.... and The French Connection II, come to think of it.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “This Eastern-Western set in modern-day New York tells of an Arizona sheriff who accompanies his extradited prisoner and then loses him in the concrete canyons of Manhattan.” 

What Did I Learn?: There’s only one Bloomingdale’s. If you pass it more than once during a cab ride in New York City, you are perfectly within your rights to withhold a tip. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that while it's fun to watch an Arizona country boy like Coogan match wits with stuffy bureaucrats and obnoxious New Yorkers, there's no way in the world he would ever come back to the big city, or that this adventure could lead to anything permanent. Oh, wait...

 

Really?: 1) So, let’s see: Coogan somehow manages to clobber eight or nine men during a barroom brawl, and even though he’s more-or-less beaten to a pulp once it’s all over, he’s still right as rain for action the next day? 2) Wait – Coogan’s boss in Tex....uh, Arizona orders him to return home, yet he refuses? Can he afford a possibly lengthy stay in the Big Apple if the Sheriff’s Department stops paying his expenses? How does he know he won’t get canned for insubordination? 

Rating: If you’re a fan of Eastwood’s Dirty Harry films, you might want to check out Coogan’s Bluff, as it was the first pairing of the iconic star with director Don Siegel, and Eastwood plays a strange cross between Harry and his earlier Man with No Name character. The film has some enjoyable moments, but it feels dated, and there isn’t much action. 7/10 stars.  

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062824/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Harsh Times (2005)

Synopsis: Amiable lowrider and whacked-out-of-his-mind best buddy smoke a lot of dope and drive around L.A. Hmm....it’s basically Up in Smoke, with Tommy Chong recast a violent, gun-toting lunatic.

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “From the creator of TRAINING DAY comes a taut, authentic, coming of age drama about two best friends who, in spite of their best efforts and the women who love them, are unable to escape the streets.” [“Coming of age drama?” All of the characters are in their late 20s or early 30s!] 

What Did I Learn?: 1) If you ever want to fool a drug test, your best course of action is to drink a glass of vinegar, place some “clean” urine into a turkey baster, and um.... well, the next step isn’t pleasant. 2) Real men express non-sexual, non-romantic feelings for each other with the words: “I love you, fuckin’ shit bag.” 3) There are many reasons why a man may slit another man’s throat in a crowded bar during daylight hours. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're in the mood to watch some painfully awful job interviews.

 

Really?: 1) I realize Sylvia (Eva Longoria) and Mike (Freddy Rodriguez) have a long history together, but she’s a lawyer, and he sits around the house all day playing video games and getting high. Wouldn’t she have kicked him to the curb a long time ago? 2) I had a bit of a hard time believing Jim (Christian Bale) and Mike would be friends in the first place. Aside from a shared love of booze and dope, they seem like very different people. 

Rating: While Christian Bale delivers an uneven, and often unnatural performance as a highly troubled veteran who becomes increasingly unlikeable as the film progresses, Harsh Times is a compelling (albeit violent) character-driven film that’s worth a viewing if you get a chance. 8.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0433387/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

American Gangster (2007)

This would have been perfect for my salutes to gangster movies, and urban crime films. 

Synopsis: Philandering bureaucrat persecutes hard-working, job-creating African-American entrepreneur.

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Academy Award winners Denzel Washington and Russell Crowe team with director Ridley Scott (Gladiator) in this powerful, epic story.” 

What Did I Learn?: The loudest one in the room is also the weakest one in the room. 2) Either you’re somebody, or you ain’t nobody. 3) You can be successful and have enemies or you can be unsuccessful and have friends. 4) The number one fear of people isn't dying, it's public speaking. 5) Quitting while you're ahead, is not the same as quitting. 6) One does not rub a stain out of a $25,000 alpaca rug – you blot that shit! 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're ok with the knowledge that Hollywood hasn't had an original idea for a long, long time.

 

Really?: Is it just me, or was anyone else a little disgusted by Frank’s “face turn” near the end of the movie? The film opens with him setting another man on fire, and he later corrupts his entire family, and destroys countless lives by selling cheap heroin, and we’re supposed to sympathize with him because he helps Richie Roberts (Crowe) nail some crooked cops? 

Rating: American Gangster is a gritty, intelligent and compelling drama with high production values and several fine performances. It’s a great film, but writer Steven Zaillian and director Ridley Scott never know how to portray Frank Lucas; is he a flawed tragic hero, or an affable-but-cold blooded sociopath? Zaillian and Scott present him as both, which seems a little muddled (see: "Really?")  9/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0765429/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Hurlyburly (1998)

Synopsis: It’s basically two hours of obnoxious cokeheads screaming at each other.

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “From his posh condo atop the Hollywood Hills, a high powered casting director, Eddie (Sean Penn), his charmed business partner, Mickey (Kevin Spacey) and his friend and would-be actor, Phil (Chazz Palminteri) engage in a wild life of partying and late nights of sex, lies and self-obsession.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) The guy who dies in an accident understands the nature of destiny. 2) “Flip” is not sarcasm. 3) If you want to get laid, it’s a really bad idea to throw your date out of a moving vehicle. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You really want to enjoy a cocaine-fueled argument about the merits of French vs. Chinese cuisine.

 

Really?: 1) Hold on – Artie (Garry Shandling) brings Donna (played by Anna Paquin, who was 16 when this movie was released) over for the boys to basically use as a sex toy, and nobody ever once thinks to ask if she's legally old enough to have sex? 2) I realize Eddie enjoys hanging out with Phil, but I had a hard time believing Mickey or Artie would tolerate him for anything beyond small, and very occasional doses.

Rating: Based on David Rabe’s theatrical play, Hurlyburly is a well-written, and occasionally thought-provoking film that’s well-acted by a small, but accomplished cast. The script includes a number of funny lines (“I am my own biggest distraction” is my favourite), but it suffers from a big problem: none of these characters are even remotely likeable, and it’s very difficult to actually give a crap about Eddie when he finally undergoes his big meltdown at the end. 7.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119336/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Death on the Nile (1978)

Synopsis: Hmm....Peter Ustinov, David Niven, Bette Davis, Angela Lansbury....hey, this is your golden opportunity to watch all of Hollywood’s favourite old farts bump each other off!

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “One of Agatha Christie’s most popular novels has been made into a sumptuous whodunit with a dazzling all-star cast, beautiful views of Egyptian pyramids, and an intriguing murder mystery to challenge armchair detectives everywhere.” 

What Did I Learn?: It takes more than a venomous serpent to stop the great Hercule Poirot! [That’s a quote from the sleuth, himself, by the way.]

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that the late Peter Ustinov had the ability to work with anyone.

 

Really?: 1) Simon and Jacqueline concoct an intricate, and incredibly convoluted scheme to ice Linnet, but wouldn’t it have been a whole lot simpler, and far less suspicious if they had made the whole thing look like an accident? For instance, the three of them climbed a pyramid together. Why didn't they simply push Linnet off the top, and then tell everyone she slipped? 2) So wait – Poirot accuses Andrew Pennington of nearly killing Simon and Linnet with a boulder without a shred of evidence? And why isn’t this ever mentioned again? 3) Hold on - if Simon's plan was to throw the gun into the river, why did he dispose of the extra bullet? That doesn't make sense.

Rating: Clocking in at 135 minutes, Death on the Nile is a little long, and more than a little contrived in places (see: “Really?”) but it’s a compelling, and occasionally humourous murder mystery that boasts an impressive array of performers and some great on-location shots. Oh, and kudos to Ustinov for his lovably over-the-top portrayal of Poirot. 9/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0077413/?ref_=nv_sr_1