Never Say Never Again (1983)

Connery-Lazenby James Bond Movie #5 (Yes, I know  You Only Live Twice is the next film in the Bond series. Unfortunately, my VHS copy doesn’t play. I will review YOLT at some point this year).

Synopsis: It’s Thunderball...except everyone’s old, and there’s a whole lot of disco-jazz.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Sean Connery stars as James Bond, the role he created and stamped with his rugged good looks and roguish humor. Top-notch support comes from Barbara Carrerra as murderous femme fatale Fatima Blush, Max von Sydow as vile SPECTRE chief Blofeld and Kim Bassinger as willowy Domino, who falls for Bond.”

What Did I Learn?: Even health spa employees will always choose vodka, foie gras and beluga caviar over dandelion salad, goat cheese and “lentil delight”.

You Might Like This Movie If: You think Connery’s Bond was pretty smooth with the ladies...

Really?: 1) So, Felix witnesses Fatima Blush nearly kill Bond, and he does nothing about it? What a pal... 2) So, what are the odds of jumping a horse off a castle wall, dropping maybe 75 feet into the sea and surviving? 3) Wait – Largo enjoys playing a video game that can deliver potentially lethal electric shocks to the loser...and Bond actually beats him in a round? 4) Hold on...SPECTRE somehow cloned the President’s eye and implanted it into a heroin-addicted Air Force Captain? Was that even remotely possible in 1983? 5) So, James Bond pisses battery acid? 6) It certainly looks as though Bond is killing people in the opening training exercise... doesn’t he in fact choke somebody to death?

Rating: I’m half-heartedly recommending Never Say Never Again because I think Sean Connery was the best of the Bonds, and it’s nice to see him sipping a vodka martini one last time – it’s also a better send-off than the atrocious Diamonds Are Forever. Interestingly, Connery portrays 007 as a plucky old fart who knows he’s a lot smarter than his clueless boss, or the local British diplomat in the Bahamas (a pre-Mr. Bean Rowan Atkinson), and he isn't as tough as he used to be. While it’s easy to root for him as the underdog, it’s also a bit unnerving to watch him romance Kim Bassinger. The film certainly has its problems – Bond never really appears to be in any danger he can’t handle, and let’s face it – NSNA is a tired remake of Thunderball, which wasn’t all that great, anyway. Still, kudos to Klaus Maria Brandauer for portraying Largo as a three-dimensional human being, rather than as just another clichéd Bond villain. 6/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086006/