Only the Lonely (1991)

Synopsis: It’s basically 104 minutes of John Candy getting hen-pecked by his obnoxious mother, his demanding girlfriend, and his know-it-all best buddy before he finally decides to ditch two of the three. [Come to think of it, that’s remarkably similar to the Synopsis for Summer Rental, also featuring the late, great John Candy]

 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “This tenderhearted romantic comedy is the story of a loyal son forced to choose between his domineering mother and his first love.” 

What Did I Learn?: It’s good to be a cop....you can get away with reckless driving, dropping a corpse several stories off a building on to the sidewalk below, using a fire truck for your very own marriage proposal, and stopping a busy train in a nearby town just so you can *talk* to one of the passengers (i.e. it’s not related to a criminal case). 

You Might Like This Movie If: You figure it must be an extra-long Roy Orbison video.

 

Really?: 1) See: “What Did I Learn?” Honestly, I’m surprised Danny (John Candy) never faced any sort of disciplinary hearings, or even a lecture from his commanding officer. 2) I realize Danny is trying to be a good son to his mom (Maureen O’Hara), but she’s so gratuitously nasty, bigoted, and generally unpleasant that I had a hard time believing he wouldn’t have simply found his own apartment years earlier. 3) So, what’s the point of including Jim Belushi as Danny’s cop partner and best friend? He never once offers any support for Danny’s relationship with Theresa (Ally Sheedy), and his character is really just an afterthought by the end. 4) Funny how Theresa starts out as an incredibly shy woman who can barely express herself, and transforms into a confident, liberated woman almost overnight. 

Rating: While I’m usually a sucker for the works of John Hughes, Only the Lonely was his only film where Hughes didn’t have a hand in writing the screenplay and it certainly shows. Candy and Sheedy share some lovely moments together, but the script is far too contrived, obvious and mean-spirited for my taste, and most of the humour consists of Danny getting tongue-tied, or imagining unfunny slapstick vignettes of his mother getting killed in a variety of ways. Chris Columbus’ script should have been re-written. 5.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102598/?ref_=nv_sr_2

More American Graffiti (1979)

Hmm...it occurs to me that while More American Graffiti isn't a Vietnam movie per se, I could have included it in my review of Vietnam War films a few years ago. 

Synopsis: It’s the long-awaited sequel to American Graffiti! Well, except that Richard Dreyfus is nowhere to be found, the characters barely interact with each other, and the story is disjointed and much darker in tone. Come to think of it, this film doesn’t feel like a sequel to American Graffiti at all! 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “More American Graffiti is sure to evoke memories of a time when America was full of passion and change. A time when becoming an adult meant laughing, crying and savouring old friendships.” 

What Did I Learn?: Stay away from marijuana – it could lead you into cigarettes. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're desperate for 1960s nostalgia.

 

Really?: 1) So, wait...Terry the Toad (Charles Martin Smith) has been in Vietnam for about a year. Why is he trying to get himself injured when his tour of duty will almost certainly end fairly soon? 2) I realize the scene where Laurie (Cindy Williams) bursts into singing “Baby Love” is quite moving, and demonstrates her courage in the face of police repression, but if I just saw a cop smack a prisoner for giving her the finger, I’m pretty sure I would keep my mouth shut. 

Rating: More American Graffiti is often cited as one of the worst sequels ever made, and even George Lucas admitted years later that he had no idea why he created it. The film isn’t nearly as bad as it’s made out to be, but it does have some problems, the biggest being that the different storylines don’t mesh well with each other, and it’s hard to care about Debbie’s (Candy Clark) adventures in Haight-Ashbury. Give More American Graffiti a try only if you really loved the original. 6/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079576/?ref_=tt_rec_tt

American Graffiti (1973)

Synopsis: It’s basically two-and-a-half-hours of clean-cut teenagers wandering aimlessly around Modesto California, circa 1962. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Capture the heart of America’s last age of innocence with American Graffiti.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1a) Wolfman Jack really liked popsicles,  1b) It’s a bad idea to shake the hand of a guy who just ate a popsicle. 2) Rock n’ roll went downhill after the death of Buddy Holly, and surfing music sucks. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You realize there's no such thing as an original idea.

 

Really?: 1) Ok, I realize Love and the Happy Days debuted before this movie was released, but I can’t believe how many things Garry Marshall strip-mined from this movie in order to create Happy Days: cars, characters, guest-starring actors, even the opening scene of a drive-in-diner with “Rock Around the Clock” playing in the background. It reminds me of how much Friends was a complete rip-off of Singles. 2) So, only the male characters are given title card epilogues? 

Rating: American Graffiti might be a tad overrated, but it’s still a warm, funny, and thoroughly enjoyable nostalgia trip that’s well worth checking out, especially if you grew up watching Richie Cunningham exchange witticisms with the Fonz. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069704/?ref_=rvi_tt

Pork Chop Hill (1959)

War Movie #5 (Please click the link to read my review of the Vietnam War movie, Hamburger Hill) 

Synopsis: Gregory Peck rouses the troops for one last bloodbath before the Korean War officially ends. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Pork Chop Hill tells the truth about war.” 

What Did I Learn?: If you ever find yourself negotiating with a dude who doesn’t speak English, and he removes his translation earpiece right when you’re in the middle of a speech, you might as well take a break and grab a drink. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You figure it must be a 98-minute-long Shake and Bake commercial.

 

Really?: I think writer James Webb could have provided a bit of back-story for Lt. Suki Ohashi, a Japanese-American infantry officer. Did he spend the previous war in an American internment camp, or did he fight in Europe? Why did he join the army? Webb establishes the character as Japanese-American, and then never develops him further. 

Rating: Released just a year after Darby’s Rangers, Pork Chop Hill is a very different – and far superior – look at the day-to-day lives of fighting men. Peck delivers a terrific performance, and the script manages to be both anti-war, and anti-communist. Oh, and watch for Norman Fell (Mr. Roper from Three’s Company), George Peppard (Hannibal Smith from The A-Team), Rip Torn (best remembered as Artie from The Larry Sanders Show), and Robert Blake (Baretta). 8/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0053183/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Darby's Rangers (1958)

War Movie #4 

Synopsis: It’s basically two hours of combat training set to an endless repetition of “You’re In the Army Now” that’s occasionally interrupted with some of the most unconvincing love scenes ever filmed. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “James Garner leads an elite force into valorous battle.” 

What Did I Learn?: Apparently, American Jews will make a sign of the cross when they hear upsetting news. [Who wrote this movie?]

 

You Might Like This Movie If: You can’t get enough of “You’re in the Army Now.” 

Really?: 1) See: “What Did I Learn?” 2) Ok, those are NOT English, Scottish and Italian accents. Holy shit, who cast the actors in this movie? 3) So, what’s the deal with the slapstick barroom brawl scenes? Did some movie studio hotshot decide this film needed a bit of levity? 

Rating: Garner and Jack Warden do their best with a sub-standard script, but even Garner’s inherent likability can’t salvage one of the most incompetently-directed (and written) films I’ve ever watched (See: “What Did I Learn?”, “Synopsis” and “Really?”).  The action scenes aren’t exciting, the love scenes are treacly and unwatchable, and by the end I simply didn’t care about these characters. I cannot recommend this movie. 3/10 stars. 

Would It Work For a Bad Movie Night?: Maybe. Take a drink every time an English, Scottish or Italian woman instantly falls in love with one of the Rangers. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0051519/?ref_=rvi_tt