The Hard Way (1991)

James Woods Film Fest Movie #1.  A few years ago, I referred to Mr. Woods as Schuster at the Movies’ “favourite unlikeable guy” because he’s a talented actor, and wow – he has played a LOT of scumbags over the years. I’ve been waiting to do a tribute, and I figured it was time. Please click the links to read my reviews of: Joshua Then and Now, Killer: A Journal of Murder, Night Moves, The Getaway, Straight Talk, Casino, Any Given Sunday, True Crime, Contact, and Against All Odds.  

Synopsis: Hard-boiled cop is forced to team up with spoiled Hollywood turd. Will they initially hate each other and grudgingly develop a mutual respect? Will the actor help the policeman express his feelings for the long-suffering girlfriend? Will they catch that crazy serial killer who’s been terrorizing the city? Take a wild guess how this story develops…. (1991)

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Nick Lang (Michael J. Fox) is a popular movie star who desperately wants to break out of his ‘nice guy’ screen image. Believing he’ll land a role as a tough homicide detective if he can hang out with the real thing, Lang leaves Hollywood to spend a few weeks on the streets of New York with detective John Moss (James Woods).” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) You're not gonna learn what it means to be a cop by eating hot dogs and picking your teeth and asking stupid questions. [Cops] live this job. It's something [they] are, not something [they] do! Every time a cop walks up to a car and has to give a speeding ticket, he knows he may have to kill someone or be killed himself. That's not something you step into by strapping on a rubber gun and riding around all day. 2) Michael J. Fox doesn’t really play a tough guy very well. Oh wait – I learned that from Casualties of War. 3) If a serial holds you at knifepoint when you’re behind the wheel of a moving vehicle, your best course of action is to, um… drive like a maniac at top speed through every fruit stand in New York City and hope you don’t hit anyone. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You figure it must be a sequel to this.

 

Really?: 1) I had a bit of a hard time believing Moss would let Lang punch him in the face not just once, but four times. 2) Hold on… I can see Moss’ captain ordering him to take Lang on a ride-along, and to spend time with him, but come on – he can’t force him to provide lodgings for Lang on his sofa bed. 3) See: “What Did I Learn?” #3. 

Rating: I have to give The Hard Way something of a mixed review. While I liked the chemistry between Woods and Fox, and the film has a number of funny lines and impressive stunts, the plot becomes increasingly difficult to swallow, and director John Badham sets aside the necessary character development for a lot of unnecessary chills and spills. The final fight, featuring a giant animatronic replica of Fox’s head, is just plain ridiculous. 6.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102004/?ref_=fn_al_tt_2

The Two Jakes (1990)

Synopsis: After 16 years, it’s the eagerly-awaited sequel to Chinatown. Hey, what could possibly go horribly wrong after waiting such a long time? 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Jack Nicholson returns as private eye Jake Gittes in this atmospheric Chinatown follow-up that’s hit upon ‘the elusive sequel formula for somehow enhancing a great original’ (Mike Clark, USA Today).”

What Did I Learn?: 1) The name of the game is oil. 2) You can’t trust a guy who’s never lost anything. 3) You can follow the action, which gets you good pictures. You can follow your instincts, which'll probably get you in trouble. Or, you can follow the money, which nine times out of ten will get you closer to the truth. 4) Stay in (the private investigation) business long enough and every street leads to a place you'd like to forget, every case brings back memories of what you should have done & what might have been, and every skirt reminds you of another woman... or, if you've got it bad enough, the same woman.

You Might Like This Movie If: You really want to see what Los Angeles looked like in 1948.

 

Really?: 1) Hold on – Jake keeps a dummy safe under his desk and a real one behind a painting? Who would do that in real life? 2) Holy shit, take a drink every time Lillian Bodine (Madeleine Stowe) flies into a blind rage and wildly overacts. 

Rating: It’s hard to follow up such an iconic classic as Chinatown, and not surprisingly, The Two Jakes falls somewhat short, although it isn't a bad movie. Overall, the plot is rather implausible, Stowe’s performance is terrible, and it clearly lacks the stylish direction that Roman Polanski provided Chinatown. That said, I loved the dialogue (see: “What Did I Learn?”), and Nicholson is fun to watch as the hard-boiled gumshoe. 7/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100828/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Chinatown (1974)

Please click the link to read my review of The Kid Stays in the Picture (Chinatown was one of producer Robert Evans’ biggest successes).

Synopsis: Sleazy gumshoe sticks his heavily-bandaged nose into some weird family business. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “This sinister son of film noir is one of the most meticulously crafted Hollywood films in many years. Everyone involved collaborated to re-create for contemporary tastes this disillusioned vision of seedy, sunkissed, pre-war Southern California.”

What Did I Learn?: 1) Nosy fellows lose their noses. 2) Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that bad things can take place in Chinatown. 

Really?: 1) Hold on – Noah Cross is one of the richest and most powerful men in California, and he just had to bang his own daughter? Ok, maybe he’s just a fucked-up weirdo, but if he’s into very young girls, I would think he could have found other alternatives. 2) I can understand Jake wearing nice suits at the office to impress his clients, but the movie takes place in Southern California during a drought, and Jakes spends a lot of time outdoors. Gee, there’s nothing I enjoy more on a hot day than wearing a lot of dark wool. 

Rating: Roman Polanski’s Chinatown is rightly considered to be a masterpiece of modern cinema. The storyline is compelling (Chinatown’s script has long been used as an example of a model screenplay) and Jack Nicholson is at the top of his game as Jake Gittes. Interestingly, the movie also works well as a period piece – it looks and feels like a 1930s/1940s Raymond Chandler detective story (although it was written by Robert Towne). Highly recommended. 10/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071315/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Brooklyn Lobster (2005)

I’m not doing a tribute to Danny Aiello – he just happened to star in both this movie and 2 Days in the Valley. 

Synopsis: Lobster farmers find themselves pinched and clawed by slimy, creepy bottom-feeders – investment bankers and government lawyers. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Frank and Maureen Giorgio’s (Danny Aiello and Jane Curtin) once orderly lives have been thrown into chaos since the bank that loaned Frank money for a restaurant addition to his lobster business has folded. With the threat of a public auction looming, the very proud and stubborn Frank, his family and friends attempt to save the Brooklyn lobster shop that is the cornerstone of their identity.” 

What Did I Learn?: If you’re living in your office, it’s a good idea to keep it as clean as possible in case a hoard of investment bankers drop by and find a pair of your undies on the floor. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that lobsters bring out the worst in people. (Please click the link to read my review of Summer Rental)

 

Really?: I had a bit of a hard time believing that nobody in the Giorgio family eats seafood; that must do wonders for sales. 

Rating: Brooklyn Lobster is a very slow-moving, but otherwise warm and wonderful character-driven comedy-drama that features some very nice performances by Aiello and Curtin. Check it out if you have the chance. 8/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0401591/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

2 Days in the Valley (1996)

This film also would have been perfect for my salute to Los Angeles. 

Synopsis: The lives of ten troubled Californians intersect during… oh, who cares? This movie features Charlize Theron in a skin-tight outfit and she gets into a catfight with Teri Hatcher! 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Take one wrong turn in life and who knows where you’ll end up. For Becky, it’s waking up next to her murdered ex-husband For Teddy, it’s the tail end of a failed film career. For Allen it’s being kidnapped by a crazy toupee-wearing Italian hitman. 

What Did I Learn?: Rapini is a vegetable that’s a lot like broccoli, and it’s loaded with vitamins and minerals. (Ok, I knew that already - I just wanted to promote one of my favourite veggies)

 

You Might Like This Movie If: You figure it must be a 105-minute Moon Zappa video.

 

Really?: 1) Hmm… funny how Dosmo just happens to run into Lee again, isn’t it? That’s quite a coincidence. 2) So wait – Helga gets shot by Becky, and instead of hauling her ass over to the hospital, she decides to inform her completely amoral boyfriend? That seems a bit out of character for such a cunning temptress. 

Rating: 2 Days in the Valley is an enjoyable caper comedy with a most unusual cast; if you’ve ever wanted to see Danny Aiello trade insults with James Spader, or Jeff Daniels blow up at Eric Stoltz, this is your lucky day. I’m not entirely sure if we’re supposed to sympathize with Becky (Hatcher) or not, and I was a little upset that the storyline for Daniels’ character remains unresolved at the end, but it’s otherwise a good film. Kudos to Paul Mazursky for a fine performance as the suicidal Teddy Peppers, and I have to award an extra half-star for the aforementioned catfight. 8/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115438/