The Bounty (1984)

Synopsis:  Grumpy old salt learns the hard way that “the beatings shall continue until morale improves” is a management strategy that’s fraught with peril. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “In 1787, Lt. William Bligh (Anthony Hopkins) leads an expedition to take breadfruit plants from Tahiti to Jamaica, which his old friend Fletcher Christian (Mel Gibson) as Master’s Mate.” 

What Did I Learn?: While I respect the institution of marriage, I can’t help thinking that if old hot-and-bothered Bligh had temporarily set aside his vows and banged some hot Polynesian chicks on Tahiti, a whole lot of unpleasantness at sea could have been avoided. 

You Might Like This Movie If: Just like Fletcher Christian, you enjoy a nice Tahitian Treat. 

Really?: 1) So wait – Fryer is one of the officers who gets thrown into Bligh’s rowboat? I realize he has some serious issues with the crew, but wouldn’t he more likely side with the mutineers, after that huge blowup with Bligh? 2) Gee, if I were Fletcher Christian, I’m not sure I’d bring my hot, Polynesian girlfriend on to a ship filled with horny cutthroats in search of a new home. How about finding a place, and then heading back to Tahiti? 

Rating: Unlike previous films that dealt with the famous mutiny, The Bounty presents Lt. Bligh as a human being (albeit a deeply flawed one) rather than a sadistic monster; the movie sympathizes with Christian and the mutineers, but we can see that Bligh had legitimate reasons for his decisions. Hopkins and Gibson work well together, and it’s fascinating to watch the growing tension between Bligh and Christian. Clocking in at 130 minutes, The Bounty is a long film that never seems to drag – it’s well-written and compelling, although the electronic score by Vangelis seems a little odd in place. Watch for early performances from Liam Neeson  and Daniel Day Lewis, as well as a cameo from Laurence Olivier. Highly recommended.  10/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086993/?ref_=nv_sr_2

Playing God (1997)

Synopsis: David Duchovny drives a black Porsche around Los Angeles, gets into trouble wherever he goes, woos a hot chick, and narrates his life. Oh my God – it’s a surprisingly violent episode of Californication!

 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “It’s high-voltage thrills as hot, X-Files star David Duchovny and new big-screen bad boy Timothy Hutton (Beautiful Girls) square off in an edgy confrontation where the stakes are high... and the action is deadly!” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) On a good day, Hell can look a lot like L.A. 2) “Each life is made up of big decisions and each day is made up of a million little decisions. What shirt to wear, what street to walk on, what to eat for lunch. Now all of these seemingly inconsequential choices may change your life forever. But who can handle that kind of responsibility? It would paralyze you to think about it. So you have to trust your instinct, what the Greeks might call your character.”

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to see the roles Angelina Jolie took before she became super-famous. 

Really?: 1) You know, I was more-or-less able to suspend my sense of disbelief until Raymond phones the slimy FBI agent and makes a deal. From that point, Raymond shoots his Chinese contact, and goes on a murder-kidnapping-reckless driving spree that doesn’t make a lot of sense. 2) Not that many people would go apeshit on the doctor who unsuccessfully tried to save the life of a significant other. 3) Wait - Eugene lives in squalor after losing his medical license, and yet we later discover his family is loaded?

Rating: Playing God starts out well as a character-driven look at Eugene Sands (Duchovny), a drug-addicted, wise-cracking ex-doctor who is wrestling with his conscience as he reluctantly goes to work for a big-time criminal. The film would have worked a lot better had it stayed on this track, but it suddenly becomes more plot-and-action driven in the second act with trigger-happy Russian gangsters and crooked FBI agents. It’s still an enjoyable time-waster. 6.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0119906/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Kicking and Screaming (1995)

Please click the links to read my review of two similar films, Singles and Reality Bites.  

Synopsis: Vaguely-defined characters feel nostalgic for degree mill at the ripe old age of 22. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Kicking and Screaming features an all-star cast in an original new comedy about four young men going through a mid-life crisis in their 20’s.” 

What Did I Learn?: If you’re running a pub, it’s a very bad idea to place a dart board right next to the front door. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You’ll watch anything that features a protagonist named Grover. 

Really?: 1) Holy shit, these guys are all supposed to be 22 years old, more-or-less unemployed, and fresh out of university, and yet they all wander around campus wearing dress pants and tweed jackets? 2) Considering Otis is an engineer, I would imagine that he took an entirely different set of courses than the other characters (and engineers tend to stick together in university) I’m not sure why he would become friends with these guys. 3) It’s nice that Chet has spent the last ten years as a bartender/professional student. I have to wonder, though – how does he afford the tuition? 4) So, none of these idiots have any desire to travel, enter the workforce, or even work out at the gym?

Rating: There’s a revealing moment in Kicking and Screaming when a minor character remarks that the four main characters all talk, and sound the same. I wanted to like this movie more than I did – it’s an intelligent, independently-made, character-driven first work by Noah Baumbach, but it has a couple of problems: as a comedy, it’s not terribly funny, and I couldn’t help myself from thinking that Grover, Otis, Max and Skippy are just slight variations of Baumbach himself (see: “Really?”), and they’re all too snooty, pretentious and self-absorbed to be likeable. There’s a lot of good stuff in this movie, including nice performances from Parker Posey and Eric Stoltz, but the script should have been polished, first. 7/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113537/?ref_=rvi_tt

Matchstick Men (2003)

Dang – this would have been perfect for my tribute to Nicolas Cage movies last year! 

Synopsis: Never, ever open up your heart or trust anyone, Example #456,293,389, 003. 

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “If there’s a sucker born every minute, these guys will work the delivery room. Meet Roy and Frank, con men who plan to flimflam a flimflammer out of big-time dough. They have a new partner to help them too: Roy’s long-absent 14-year-old daughter, who has entered his life and is eager to learn the art of the con.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Fourteen-year-old girls aren’t that crazy about linguine aglio e olio. 2) For some people, money is like a foreign movie without subtitles. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You figure it must be a full-length version of this.

 

Really?: Hmm.... so Frank’s entire plan more-or-less depends upon Roy never once getting in touch with his ex-girlfriend to discuss their daughter? Come to think of it, Frank has nothing to do with Roy losing his pills early on, yet he knows just the psychiatrist Roy should contact. 

Rating: Matchstick Men is an enjoyable, character-driven comedy drama about a guilt-ridden con man who connects with a daughter he’s never met. Sam Rockwell is good as Frank, but the heart of the film is the very real chemistry between Cage and Alison Lohman. Highly recommended. 8.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0325805/?ref_=nv_sr_3

The Perfect Storm (2000)

Synopsis: It’s 130 minutes of George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg and Diane Lane complaining about the weather like a bunch of whiny Canadians in January. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Who knew hell was wet?” 

What Did I Learn?: The ocean is a dangerous place that’s best avoided by humans. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You've always wanted to see a full-length, feature film of this, this, and this, with maybe a bit of plot, character-development and snappy dialogue thrown in.

 

Really?: 1) So wait – Captain Tyne (Clooney) has an opportunity to surface from a sinking ship and he doesn’t take it? Maybe I could believe that captain-always-goes-down-with-his-ship jazz if he lived alone, or was seriously depressed, but he has children – and a potential girlfriend back home. 2) Tyne and his men are fishing near the Flemish Cap, which isn’t that far from St. John’s Newfoundland. Instead of either letting their fish rot, or returning to Massachusetts through a horrible storm, couldn’t they have perhaps sailed to St. John’s and purchased a new ice machine? 

Rating: While the action sequences and special effects in The Perfect Storm are top-notch, and it is certainly compelling at times, I think Wolfgang Petersen (the man who gave us the incredible Das Boot) missed the mark on this film. The audience never gets to know the main characters except on a fairly superficial level, so the funeral and eulogy at the end of the lacks any emotional punch (instead, we're manipulated with a lot of sombre music). With an improved script, The Perfect Storm could have been a much better movie.  6.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0177971/?ref_=nv_sr_1