Car Wash (1976)

Synopsis: It’s laughs galore as disco soundtrack and lowbrow humour combine to liven up dead-end jobs in overstaffed and dying business.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Car Wash is an earthy, irreverent but affectionate look at a typical day in a Los Angeles car wash. An ensemble piece which interweaves the lives of employees, customers and passerby...Car Wash may qualify as the world’s first ‘disco’ movie.”

What Did I Learn?: Richard Pryor (who is usually given top billing on the DVD packages) is in this movie for all of 7 minutes. And for half of that time, he basically watches the Pointer Sisters perform.

You Might Like This Movie If: You love this song so much you don’t mind hearing it played over and over again.

Really?: Wouldn’t George Carlin have simply written off the “black, blonde chick” who stiffed him, and gone back to driving his cab?

Rating: Car Wash is a bit juvenile at times, but it’s a nice, slice-of-life comedy, and an interesting time capsule from the mid-1970s. 8/10 stars.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CbiceYts6d4

Big Night (1996)

Synopsis: The head chef and the restaurant manager are at each other’s throats, the creditors are banging on the door... hey, let’s throw a party!

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: ‘BIG NIGHT is the story of two brothers whose Italian restaurant is on the brink of bankruptcy. Their only chance for success is to risk everything they own on an extravagant feast for bandleader Louis Prima. But their big night is complicated by a lovers’ triangle, a sneaky restaurant rival, and the hilarious perfection of chef Primo.”

What Did I Learn?: If you order risotto, don’t be a dick and ask for a side of spaghetti and meatballs.

You Might Like This Movie If: You love a good kitchen nightmare.

Really?: It’s the 1950s. Would the local Italian barber really allow Chef Primo to use his phone in order to make a transatlantic call to Rome?

Rating: Big Night is a perfect little character-driven film. You’ll love it if you’re a foodie (a friend of mine sometimes addresses me as the “Late Night Gourmet”), or if you’ve ever tried to make a living through the arts. Tony Shalhoub (Chef Primo) provides the voice of the frustrated artist; his semi-slimy brother (played wonderfully by Stanley Tucci) is the arch realist, who believes in giving the customer what he wants. Their bickering is priceless. 10/10 stars. (Two ten-out-of-ten movie reviews in the course of a week? I must be going soft!)

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115678/

The Big Blue (1988)

Synopsis: Two alpha male meatheads see who can dive the deepest without life-giving oxygen while cute American chick waits in the background.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Jacques (Jean-Marc Barr), and his friendly rival Enzo (Jean Reno) are considered masters of free-diving and have made a career out of this one-of-a-kind competition. Jacques’ life-long obsession with diving comes from his unusual bond with the sea – while Enzo thrives on the challenges of its inherent dangers. In his travels, Jacques meets Joanna (Rosanna Arquette, ‘Desperately Seeking Susan’, ‘After Hours’), who is attracted to his innocent qualities and follows him across Europe to share his adventures, triumphs and ultimately tragic bond with Enzo.”

What Did I Learn?: Apparently, you can open a bottle of champagne and drink the bubbly at the bottom of a swimming pool.

You Might Like This Movie If: You’re a sucker for anything (or anyone) big and blue.

Really?: 1) So wait, Rosanna Arquette lies to her boss about an insurance crisis in order to get free room and board and airfare to Sicily because she’s warm for some French dude’s form? Um...yeah. 2) Wet clothing isn’t a lot of fun, yet the main characters keep jumping into pools of water, fully-clothed.

Rating: *Yawn!* Oh wait, is this movie over? Initially, I thought this review was going to focus on the film’s bad comedy and implausible plot twists, but at some point, boredom simply overtook me. The story consists of a diving competition. That’s it. Thrill-seeking idiots attempt dives beyond 300 metres without SCUBA equipment and hope their heads don’t explode. Oh – and Rosanna Arquette is there, too. She digs the French diver, who seems more interested in communing with the dolphins. 4.5/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095250/

Waking Life (2001)

Synopsis: Slacker dude can’t wake up.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Join Wily Wiggins as he searches for answers to life’s most important questions in a world that may or may not be reality.”

What Did I Learn?: If you can’t tell time from your digital watch and the light switch has no effect, you’re probably in a dream. Feel free to punch out your boss, take a crap on his desk and bang the receptionist.

You Might Like This Movie If: You’ve always wanted to take a nice, leisurely drive with Alex Jones.

Really?: For a guy who looks as though he spends most of his time hanging out at the mall, Wiggins must have taken some serious philosophy courses, or at least watched a lot of PBS. Some of those dreams were rather impressive.

Rating: Waking Life is a funny, brilliantly-written, totally original and thought-provoking movie. It will stay with you for a long time. 10/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0243017/

Faithful (1996)

Synopsis: Guilt-ridden hit man and depressed housewife share warmth and wisecracks over light bondage session.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “After 20 years of marriage, Margaret O’Donnell has had it. But tonight, when a hit man breaks into her house to deliver her husband’s anniversary present, she manages to pull off a few surprises of her own, proving that relationships aren’t just unpredictable...sometimes they’re murder!”

What Did I Learn?: if you owe the mafia a lot of money, it’s not a bad idea to date the enforcer’s sister, and then spend all of your time in her company.

You Might Like This Movie If: You enjoy Chazz Palminteri’s lovable gangster routine, even in 30-second bits.

Really?: 1) Did this film (based on Palminteri’s play) spawn that whole gangster-in-therapy trope? It pre-dates both The Sopranos and Analyze This. 2) Why did Cher accept the $20 that was provided to her at the beginning of the film? It was offered as charity, and she clearly didn’t need the cash. That was rather tacky.

Rating: Based on the cheesy-looking VHS jacket, I didn’t expect much from Faithful. To my surprise, however, the film is actually quite watchable. Cher and Palminteri enjoy some decent chemistry, the storyline provides a few twists, and I might have even laughed once or twice. 7/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116269/

Crimes of the Heart (1986)

Synopsis: Three Southern belles shriek a lot in an old house.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Meet the Magrath sisters. They’re three off-beat young women reunited after a bizarre incident. Together again under the same roof, they must overcome sibling jealousies and the family reputation for taking the easy way out.”

What Did I Learn?: There are few more depressing scenes than a middle-aged woman sticking a birthday candle into a cookie and singing: “Happy Birthday to Me”.

You Might Like This Movie If: You haven’t threatened to jerk a knot in somebody’s tail for a whole month of Sundays. (I wonder if "Kiss My Grits" is now a Southernism...)

Really?: One of the three sisters is discovered to have slept with a 15-year old boy, and nobody (well, except her husband) seems terribly upset about it.

Rating: Crimes of the Heart received rave reviews and three Academy Award nominations, but this film really left me cold. Yeah, I realize it probably qualifies as a “chick flick” and I'm not exactly the target audience, but I’d like to think I can recognize good writing or a strong performance. Alas, there’s too much dialogue which doesn’t sound like real speech, the characters aren’t terribly likeable, and don’t get me started on all that shrieking... 5/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090886/

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

My friend and former work colleague, Olivier, asked me to review Conan the Barbarian a little while ago, and I’m pleased to report that I finally got around to doing so. (This one’s for you, buddy!)

I’m happy to take your requests, but I make no promises. Let me know which movies you would like me to watch, and...I'll see what I can do.

Synopsis: Big, beastly barbarian berserker bangs buxom burglar babe, busts badguys, battleaxes bodies.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Through the history of mankind, the times that are most recorded in mythology and song are those of great deeds and fantastic adventures. Such was the Hyborean Age. Such a tale is the story of ‘Conan the Barbarian.’”

What Did I Learn?: Snake cults are bad news.

You Might Like This Movie If: You always felt this TV series needed a few scenes involving topless women and squirting blood.

Really?: 1) What exactly was the big 'Wheel of Pain' that Conan was chained to in his adolescence? A grist mill? Did it have a purpose besides torture? 2) One could ask how a black guy (Thulsa Doom, AKA James Earl Jones) wound up in “Hyborean Age” Europe, but it turns out the Hyborean age was fictional, and this film isn’t exactly an accurate depiction of pre-Christian civilization.

Rating: Conan the Barbarian remains one of Ahhnold’s best movies. The story is simple and powerful, the musical score is inspirational, and Thulsa Doom is such a bastard that it’s tough not to find the finale richly rewarding. 8/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082198/

Best and Worst (2011)

I started this blog at the end of September, so it might seem a little silly for me to compile Best-of/Worst-of listings after only three months. That said, I’d like to make these listings an annual occurrence, and it probably makes more sense to time them for the beginning of each new year instead of September 22. With that in mind, here are:

The Best Movies I Reviewed in 2011 (in no particular order):

1)      Goodfellas

2)      Citizen Kane

3)      Donnie Brasco

4)      Carlito’s Way

5)      Saving Private Ryan

6)      Empire of the Sun

7)      Ghostbusters

8)      The Player

9)      Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

10)   Trainspotting

 

Honourable Mention:

1)      The Shipping News

2)      Thief

3)      Die Hard

4)      A Fish Called Wanda

5)      At Close Range

The Worst Movies I Reviewed in 2011 (in no particular order):

1)      American Commandos

2)      Please Hammer, Don’t Hurt ‘Em

3)      Santa With Muscles

4)      Bear in the Big Blue House - Potty Time With Bear

5)      Top Dog

6)      Krull

7)      The Crew

8)      Three For the Road

9)      Sunchaser

10)   Killer - Journal of Murder

Dead Again (1991)

Synopsis: Highbrow thespians produce Karmic clunker.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Mike Church (Kenneth Branagh) is a LA gumshoe with a knack for tossing off wisecracks and tracking down missing persons. But Church doesn’t have a clue when he’s hired to help a beautiful amnesia victim (Emma Thompson) tormented by bloodcurdling nightmares. Then an eccentric antiques dealer and hypnotist (Derek Jacobi) leads Church to a startling discovery: The source of the nightmares may lie in a past-life connection to Margaret Strauss, a world-famous pianist allegedly murdered by her composer-husband Roman...in 1948.”

What Did I Learn?: My ears could have done without those five or six scenes of Emma Thompson screaming in terror.

You Might Like This Movie If: You can’t get enough of British actors attempting American accents.

Really?: The story of Dead Again is based upon the idea that people have led past lives, and those past lives are easily accessible through hypnosis. Ok, I’ll go along with the premise, but would a trained psychiatrist (Robin Williams) actually accept that? And would the real killer think he found the reincarnated soul of the woman he murdered because of a flimsy missing persons story in the newspaper?

Rating: I have to give Dead Again an “A” for originality, but the film doesn’t really expand beyond a clever idea. The 1948 scenes are rather turgid and melodramatic, the script eventually stops making sense, and the finale (involving a giant pair of scissors) is so over-the-top silly that I simply shook my head in disbelief. 5/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101669/

Heartbreak Ridge (1986)

Synopsis: Gravel-voiced jarhead growls a lot before liberating Grenada.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Clint Eastwood stars in Heartbreak Ridge as ‘Gunny’ Highway, a grizzled US Marine Corps lifer who, as he begins his last tour of duty before mandatory retirement, sees the bumpy road his life has taken become even more complicated.”

What Did I Learn?: The AK-47 assault rifle is the preferred weapon of America’s enemies and it makes a distinctive sound when fired. 2) It’s not so heroic when the hero shoots a wounded enemy soldier in the back.

You Might Like This Movie If: You’re a supply teacher, and you need some inspiration before you spend a day with a bunch of unruly Grade 8’s.

Really?: 1) So wait – Highway just happens to run into one of the men (a corporal!) soon to be under his command, and the dude rips him off? Ok, coincidences happen, but wouldn’t Stitch Jones have known that he and Highway were going the same way, and wouldn’t he have thought twice about stealing from a fellow Marine? That seems rather implausible. 2) Um...who exactly posted Stitch’s bail when he and Gunny were locked up in jail together?

Rating: Heartbreak Ridge is a funny and well-written movie. I’m not sure if any Marine unit would ever be allowed to become that lax, but Eastwood delivers a strong performance and Mario Van Peebles nearly steals the show as a lovable bullshit artist. 8.5/10 stars.  

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091187/

She's the One (1996)

Yeesh – that is one beat-up VHS clamshell package!

Synopsis: Bluecollar bozos bang (impossibly) beautiful broads.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Mickey (Edward Burns), a free-spirited New York cabbie and Francis (Mike McGlone) a materialistic Wall Street stockbroker, are extremely competitive and confused about women as a result of their father’s (John Mahoney) influence. Though they disagree about everything, they have one thing in common: Mickey’s ex-fiancee Heather (Cameron Diaz) is Francis’s secret lover. Though both brothers have beautiful wives (Maxine Bahns and Jennifer Aniston), Heather triggers their longtime sibling rivalry with uproarious and unexpected results.”

What Did I Learn?: Driving a New York cab is a great way to meet hot chicks who want to know all about your sex life.

You Might Like This Movie If: You’re in the mood for a light-hearted, slice-of-life, romantic comedy about a NYC cabdriver who finds true love. (Whoa – wrong clip!!)

Really?: Come on, who in their right mind would ever cheat on Jennifer Aniston? Oh wait...never mind.

Rating: She’s the One is a nice little follow-up movie to The Brothers McMullen, also created by Ed Burns. The film offers some solid performances (Mahoney, aka “Frasier’s Dad” is great as a macho, advice-dispensing goof who suddenly discovers his own relationship problems) and more than a few laughs. 8/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117628/

Get Shorty (1995)

Synopsis: Loveable Italian-American with mob ties takes entertainment industry by storm! (Oops, that's the synopsis for The Ratings Game, also featuring Danny De Vito)

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Loan shark Chili Palmer (John Travolta) had done his time as a gangster. So when ‘business’ takes him to Los Angeles to collect a debt from a down-and-out filmmaker Harry Zimm (Gene Hackman) Chili talks tough...and then pitches Harry a script idea.”

What Did I Learn?: Even a minivan can suddenly become the envy of Hollywood if you pretend that it’s cool to own one.

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to learn how to look scary.

Really?: 1) Travolta beats up James Gandolfini (aka Tony Soprano)? I don’t think so. 2) What was the point of having Nicki know Chili from Brooklyn? Nothing emerged from that recognition. 3) Harry’s decision to call Ray Bones struck me as an implausible plot device to get Ray out to California.

Rating: Get Shorty isn't laugh-out-loud funny, but Travolta is a charming rogue, Hackman is a lovable sleaze, and the film works as a good-natured satire of Hollywood. 7.5/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113161/

Krull (1983)

Synopsis: Blow-dried Prince opens a can of whoop-ass on invading alien army with bladed Frisbee.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Journey into a mystical time and place that belongs to neither the past nor the present, where extraordinary creatures of myth work their incredible magic, and where a horrific, omnipotent Beast is the ruler. This is the planet of Krull!”

What Did I Learn?: If you’re a king, and your planet has been invaded by some bad dudes with superior technology, you MIGHT want to at least temporarily vacate that big, white castle of yours. Who knows – they could attack on the night of your daughter’s wedding.

You Might Like This Movie If: This TV show spoke to you as a kid.

Really?: How did the gang suddenly obtain horses? And where did the flying horses come from? And why did they climb up the dark fortress when they could have used those flying horses? And why did the Slayers always wind up fighting the good guys with swords when they could have simply fired lasers at them? And how did the Princess know that her hubby had the power to shoot fire from his hands when he had no idea, and...

Rating: Krull is a cheesy, clichéd, badly-written, low-budget sword-and-sorcery rip-off from the early 1980s (Liam Neeson mostly looks embarrassed, and probably did it for the paycheque). Watch this film strictly for laughs. 3.5/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085811/

Man on Fire (2004)

Synopsis: Alcoholic assassin finds redemption for his sins through the love of a young child. Once she’s kidnapped however, it’s CREASY GETS GREASY!

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Two-time Academy Award winner Denzel Washington ignites a masterpiece of mayhem in this ‘powerful’ (LOS ANGELES TIMES) action-thriller. Hard-drinking, burned out CIA operative John Creasy (Washington) has given up on life – until his old friend Rayburn (Oscar winner Christopher Walken) gets him a job as bodyguard to nine-year old Pita Ramos (Dakota Fanning). Bit by bit, Creasy begins to reclaim his soul, but when Pita is kidnapped, Creasy’s fiery rage is released and he will stop at nothing to save her.”

What Did I Learn?: When a movie hero buys rocket-propelled grenades(!!) during an out-for-revenge weapons purchase, there’s a very good chance he’s going to use them at some point.

You Might Like This Movie If: You’re ok with the knowledge that there aren’t any original ideas, anymore.

Really?: 1) Creasy gets shot full of holes, and yet he’s back on the street (still bleeding!) within a fairly short period of time. 2) Creasy shoots a dude at point-blank range in a car and doesn’t get a drop of blood on his clothing. 3) Would any bodyguard really agree to trade away his own life, especially if there’s a very good chance he’s going to experience excruciating torture before death?

Rating: Man on Fire is a depressing, and rather unpleasant action thriller. 6/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0328107/

It's a Wonderful Life (1946)

Christmas Movie #6

Synopsis: Nice guy with squawky voice faces financial scandal; guardian angel turns that frown upside down with a hellish hallucination.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “No one is born to be a failure. No one is poor who has friends. Simple thoughts that were the inspiration for one of the richest, most uplifting, most beloved American films ever made.”

What Did I Learn?: Bedford Falls (aka “Potterville”) would have been a lot more fun had George Bailey never been born.

You Might Like This Movie If: You quite enjoyed Dana Carvey’s spirited impression of Jimmy Stewart.  

Really?: 1) So wait, Mr. Potter pocketed eight grand and got away with almost sending George Bailey to jail? That doesn’t sound right. 2) I have to think that George and Ellen would have noticed the dance floor retracting – everyone else did

Rating: It’s a Wonderful Life is a bit dated and corny at times, but it’s also a touching holiday classic and well worth viewing. Still, Mr. Potter deserved some sort of comeuppance at the end, and I have to wonder if the film really needed to be 160 minutes in length. Couldn’t Frank Capra have clipped out the World War II footage? 8/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038650/

Die Hard (1988)

Christmas Movie # 5 (well, it’s sort of a Christmas movie...)

Synopsis: Bruce Willis smirks his way through two hours of gunfire and explosions.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “High above the city of LA, a team of terrorists has seized a building, taken hostages, and declared war. But one man has managed to escape detection...an off-duty cop. He’s alone...tired...and the only chance anyone has.”

What Did I Learn?: 1) Christmas decorations and packing tape can come in handy during a terrorist invasion. 2) Dropping a body out of a 30-story window is an effective means of getting a policeman’s attention.

You Might Like This Movie If: You prefer the younger, wisecracking Bruce Willis to the old, grumpy guy who shaves his head and never says anything.

Really?: I had a little trouble believing that a police sergeant would continuously ridicule his Deputy Chief, or that Powell and McClane would have so many warm, heart-to-heart walkie-talkie chats over a police frequency.

Rating: Die Hard is one of the finest action thrillers ever made. Bruce Willis plays a tough guy, not a superhero (he bleeds, and some of those scenes in the elevator shafts are truly suspenseful), Alan Rickman is a worthy adversary, and the tension builds up into a thrilling finale. Aside from a few implausible scenes, the film’s only flaw is that it’s populated by a few too many boneheadedly stupid and obnoxious characters for my taste. 8.5/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095016/

Santa With Muscles (1996)

Christmas Movie #4

Synopsis: Selfish musclehead finds redemption for his sins by beating the crap out of people and saving an orphanage that consists of three kids.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Supersized wrestling and movie star Hulk Hogan goes from naughty to nice in Santa With Muscles, a lighthearted adventure powered by a St. Nick with flex appeal.”

What Did I Learn?: Giant candy canes aren’t much help when you’re involved in hand-to-hand combat with the Hulkster.

You Might Like This Movie If: You think Hulk Hogan is a good role model for children.

Really?: 1) When the cops want you to pull over, it’s not advisable to fire paintballs at their windshields and attempt to outrun them when you’re driving a Hummer. 2) Wouldn’t you remember living in an orphanage when you were a kid? 3) If I had just seen a piezo-electric crystal explode after falling on the floor, I don't think I'd attempt to use another one as a sword. 4) Oh, what's the use...? 

Rating: Santa With Muscles isn’t quite as God-awful as American Commandos, but that’s only because it doesn’t contain a ten-minute film loop, and I wouldn’t watch any part of this movie again. The plot and dialogue are laughably bad, and you can’t help yourself from feeling sorry for Garrett Morris and Ed Begley Jr for appearing in this turd, but there a couple of funny lines (“look out – he’s got a candy cane!”), so I’ll give it a slightly-better-than-horrible rating. 1.5/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0117550/

Christmas Vacation (1989)

 

Christmas Movie #3

Synopsis: The Griswold clan enjoys the “hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye.”

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “It’s Christmastime for the Griswolds. A season for giving, for Yuletide carols, for Christmas tree lights glowing brightly...hey, wait, this one’s not glowing. It’s on fire!”

What Did I Learn?: Emptying an RV’s septic tank into a storm sewer can present later problems for smokers.

You Might Like This Movie If: You enjoy a good flip out.

Really?: 1) Early on in the movie, I had a little trouble believing that Clark would drive underneath a lumber-hauling big rig truck without first looking out his side window. 2) The Griswolds seem to break a lot of windows, and Clark even pokes a big hole in his son’s bedroom ceiling, yet the house never gets cold, and that damage is just shrugged off.

Rating: Christmas Vacation is a worthy sequel to the original National Lampoon’s Vacation (European Vacation and Vegas Vacation, not so much), and both Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo are in fine form. Even though the film clocks in at 97 minutes, there are a few superfluous scenes (Clark in the attic, or Clark making one Freudian slip after another in front of the hot salesgirl) that don’t add much. 8/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097958/

Miracle on 34th Street (1947)

 

Christmas Movie #2

Synopsis: Jaded mom and daughter learn to believe a kindly old man can solve all of their problems.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “This year, Macy’s has hired the perfect department store Santa (Edmund Gwenn): he has an abundant belly, a snowy beard, twinkly eyes, and he claims his name is Kris Kringle! Despite his popularity, Kringle’s boss (Maureen O’Hara) is sceptical, and her daughter Susan (Natalie Wood) believes that Santa is a myth. But when Kris is declared insane and put on trial, Susan and her mother begin to question their lack of faith, as it becomes clear that there is something special about this ‘Santa’”.

What Did I Learn?: Santa can always count on the cynicism and raw political posturing of judges and other elected officials to keep him out of the loony bin.

You Might Like This Movie If: You know that Santa Claus is just the guy to stand up to the over-commercialization of Christmas.

Really?: Maureen O’Hara’s character is surprisingly ok with the idea of her daughter hanging out with the nice man in the next apartment, but then, 1947 was a more innocent time. Parents hadn’t yet become convinced there are pedophiles lurking on every street corner.

Rating: Ed Gwenn provides a magical performance (I’d say he deserved his Best Supporting Actor Oscar), although most of the other actors come across as rigid and overly formal, and the dialogue often doesn’t sound like real speech. Miracle on 34^th Street is a nice, heartwarming movie, but it does have a 1947 feel to it. 7.5/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0039628/

The Family Man (2000)

Hey all you Schuster at the Movies fans, it’s four days until Christmas, so I figured it’s the perfect occasion to review a few holiday-inspired films. Yule love’em!

Synopsis: It’s Mr. Destiny at Christmas time! No wait, it’s really It’s a Wonderful Life, and Mr. Potter wakes up as George Bailey!

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Jack Campbell (Academy Award winner Nicholas Cage) is a single, wealthy Wall Street trader living the high life in New York City. All that magically changes one morning when he wakes up in a suburban New Jersey bedroom with a wife (Téa Leoni) he never married and two kids he never had – the life he would have led if he had made different choices as a younger man.”

What Did I Learn?: Unless you want to suddenly find yourself in some alternate reality where you wake up in a pool of dog drool every morning, never do a good deed for anyone.

You Might Like This Movie If: You miss this scene for a well-timed bathroom break (the atrocious singing begins at the 1:17 minute mark).

Really?: 1) Jack seems a bit slow on the draw at times. Mid-way through the movie, he notices some award on his shelf and says: “I was in London in 1988”...later, he finds his old airline ticket stub and says: “I flew back the next day.” Well, duh!! Wouldn’t any normal human being have figured out the alternate timeline lickity-split? 2) Jack gets an opportunity to cheat on his wife, and he asks his best friend to provide the lady's address and phone number? Couldn't he have found that out himself?

Rating: The Family Man is a nice, family Christmas movie. Ok, it’s a little contrived and a total rip-off of Mr. Destiny, but well worth watching. 7.5/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0218967/

Sunset Boulevard (1950)

Synopsis: Broke and desperate meets batshit crazy.

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Gloria Swanson as Norma Desmond, an aging silent film queen, and William Holden as the struggling writer who is held in thrall by her madness, created two of the screen’s most memorable characters in Sunset Boulevard.”

What Did I Learn?: If you run into somebody with a tenuous grip on reality who happens to be carrying a firearm, it’s a really good idea to be super-nice to them.

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to understand the origins of this skit.

Really?: How did those goons from the collection agency know that dude’s car was stashed in Norma’s garage? The obvious answer would be that Norma and Max tipped them off to prevent him from leaving, but that should have been revealed in the script.

Rating: Gloria Swanson is a little over the top, and I had a bit of trouble believing William Holden's character would stick around as long as he does, but Sunset Boulevard is a well-written and incredibly engaging film. Far ahead of its time. 8.5/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0043014/