I Heart Huckabees (2004)

Synopsis: Determined dilettante defies dastardly discounter’s devious, destructive, dirty deal; detective duo discuss divine design, debate disgruntled disciple’s doctrinal determinism.  

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “An exuberant offbeat comedy in which Dustin Hoffman and Lily Tomlin play detectives hired by kindhearted local poet & activist Albert Markovski (Jason Schwartzman) to investigate the meaning of three coincidences that could hold the key to life.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) The universe is an infinite sphere whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere. 2) It’s not a great idea to tell unflattering stories about Shania Twain behind her back. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You love big-name Hollywood stars...and the name "Huckabee." [Incidentally, Mike Huckabee wasn't crazy about this film]

 

Really?: I Heart Huckabees is a very strange black comedy, so it might not be entirely fair to judge it on the basis of its overall credibility. That said, I had a bit of a hard time believing Catarine (Isabelle Huppert) could not only sneak into sneak into the Markovski’s apartment, but knew exactly where to find Albert’s journal, read it within minutes, and instantly understood its meaning. 

Rating: I Heart Huckabees is one of the most original, cleverly-written, and inventive films I’ve ever watched – in some ways it’s reminiscent of Waking Life and Adaptation. Huckabees is chock full of great performances and memorable moments, although the comedy is a bit hit-or-miss. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0356721/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Undisputed (2002)

Synopsis: Ever wanted to watch a boxing movie where you couldn’t really root for either fighter? Oh wait – that sounds like the Synopsis for Play it to the Bone…  

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “ONE MAN FIGHTING FOR HIS HONOUR, ONE MAN FIGHTING FOR HIS FUTURE…”  

What Did I Learn?: If the World Heavyweight Champion challenges you to hit him in the face - just once - don't do it. Trust me on this.

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to see Peter Falk hold his own with big name movie stars like Ving Rhames, Wesley Snipes, or um...Kermit the Frog?

 

Really?: 1) So, um…did the Iceman actually rape the girl or not? I think that question really should have been resolved by the end of the film. 2) Considering the Iceman pisses off everyone in the slammer, I'm surprised that none of the ethnic gangs ever Pearl Harbour him. 

Rating: While I would generally describe myself as a fan of Walter Hill’s movies, Undisputed is a bit of a dud. Sure, Ving Rhames does an impressive job as the Iceman, and I loved Peter Falk as aging gangster Mendy Ripstein (interestingly, Wesley Snipes has top billing, yet he doesn’t have much dialogue, and we never really get to know his character), but it’s quite difficult to care much for either of the leads (see: “Synopsis”), and there isn’t much to this movie besides a lot of posturing. 6/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0281322/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)

Synopsis: It’s nearly three hours of grown men exchanging really menacing glares. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Sergio Leone’s original uncut version is a monumental epic. The picture itself is as big as its Monument Valley locations, as grand as its fine, distinguished cast, as tough and bawdy as every kid imagines the Old West.” 

What Did I Learn?: Never confide in a man who wears both suspenders and a belt – he can’t even trust his own pants!

You Might Like This Movie If: You’ve always wanted to see Jason Robards in a Western where he doesn’t sing “Butterfly Mornings.” [This was from The Ballad of Cable Hogue, by the way...and the song doesn't start until about 2:33]

Really?: 1) I’m pretty sure that if I were to be shot in the gut, I would immediately seek out medical attention. I don’t think I would spend my time shaving and drinking coffee. 2) I realize both Cheyenne and Harmonica have good reasons to want revenge on Frank, but they seem to go out of their way to help Jill (Claudia Cardinale), don’t they? I mean, they build a train station, for crying out loud. 

Rating: Once Upon a Time in the West is deservedly regarded both as a cinematic masterpiece, and as a worthy follow-up to Sergio Leone’s other spaghetti westerns. Robards, Cardinale, and Charles Bronson are all quite good, but Henry Fonda easily steals the movie with a stellar performance as the viciously evil Frank. Clocking in at 165 minutes, Once Upon a Time in the West tends to drag in places, but it’s well worth watching – especially the slow-but-stylisly-directed opening sequence at the depot with Jack Elam and Woody Strode. Highly recommended. 9/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064116/?ref_=nv_sr_3

Once Upon a Time in America (1984)

Robert De Niro Film Fest Movie #17 (This would have been perfect for my salute to gangster movies a few years ago, and my tribute to this blog’s favourite unlikeable guy, James Woods) 

Synopsis: Not-very-nice rum-runner has life ruined by much bigger scumbag. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Sergio Leone’s epic of crime and betrayal. They grew up in the violent immigrant ghetto of New York’s Lower East Side: Max and Noodles, Cockeye and Patsy, Deborah and Fat Moe. They grew up on the streets and they grew up fast. Fighting their way to the top of the heap, they took a vow to stick together – but that’s not how things worked out.” 

What Did I Learn?: It’s really difficult to get “Yesterday” by the Beatles out of your head. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You think gangsters are cool, and you enjoy stories that begin with the words "Once Upon a Time..."

 

Really?: 1) Hmm….if this whole thing was an opium-induced dream, I have to give Noodles credit for imaging 1960s-style vehicles and “Yesterday.” 2) So wait – Max became a Cabinet Secretary in the Johnson Administration? Wouldn’t the FBI have looked into his phony new identity? Couldn’t any number of people from the old neighbourhood identify him? 3) Hold on – did Max jump into the garbage truck at the very end? I realize he wanted to kill himself, but holy shit, there are much better (and far less painful) ways of doing that. 4) I realize DNA research was in its infancy in the early 1930s, but couldn’t the hospital take some blood tests and eventually figure out which baby belongs to which parents?

Rating: While I don’t have a favourite movie, Once Upon a Time in America is certainly one of my favourites – it’s a poignant, and incredibly haunting masterpiece. Noodles (De Niro) isn’t a nice guy by any stretch of the imagination – he rapes his childhood sweetheart when she breaks his heart – but you can’t help yourself from feeling bad for the guy after Max pulls a rather nasty number on him, and I loved the way Noodles refuses to address him as Max even though he knows the real identity of Secretary Bailey. Oh – I realize I usually pan movies when they’re too long, but OUATIA never seems to drag, even though it clocks in at a whopping 226 minutes. Highly recommended. 10/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0087843/?ref_=nv_sr_1

A Bronx Tale (1993)

Robert De Niro Film Fest Movie #16 (Hey, this would have been perfect for my salute to organized crime movies a few years ago…)

Synopsis: Italian-American boy befriends surprisingly generous and open-minded gangster, who teaches him that racism is wrong, and um… working for a living is for chumps. 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “In his directorial debut, two-time Academy Award-winner Robert De Niro stars as Lorenzo Anello, a hard-working bus driver who must stand up to the local mob boss if he is to keep his son from falling into a life of crime.” [Wait - doesn't that sound a bit like South Central, with an Italian cast?]

What Did I Learn?: 1) “Mickey Mantle don't care about you, so why should you care about him? Nobody cares.” 2) Doo-wop was the sound on the street in 1960. 3) “It was great to be Catholic and go to confession. You could start over every week.” 4) “Sometimes in the heat of passion, the little head tells the big head what to do, and the big head should think twice about what you are doing.” 5) “The saddest thing in life is wasted talent.” 6) “You're only allowed three great women in your lifetime.” 7) There’s a good chance that a motorcycle gang named “Satan’s Messengers” will turn out to be a bunch of pussies in a street fight. 8) Some interesting dating advice.

You Might Like This Movie If: You've always wanted to see a one-man autobiographical play adapted into a full-length feature film.

 

Really?: So, what happened to Calogero’s mom? She more-or-less disappears mid-way through the movie. Come to think of it, the whole working-class-joe-saves-his-son-from-life-of-crime plotline (see: “Blurb From the VHS Jacket”) is also dropped, so the movie can become West Side Story without all of the singing and dancing. 

Rating: A Bronx Tale was De Niro’s directorial debut, and it’s a pretty good movie, with strong performance from both leads and a number of great lines. My only complaints would be that the film has a lot of characters and sub-plots that are introduced and then dropped (see: “Really?”) without any real resolution, and I would have liked to have seen a bit more of De Niro’s character in the second and third acts. 8/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106489/?ref_=nv_sr_1