Truth or Consequences New Mexico (1997)

Hmm... this would have been perfect for my salute to Tarantino rip-off films.

Synopsis: Spree killer, dirtbag prison buddies, and semi-willing yuppie hostages embark on a voyage of personal discovery through the American Southwest after icing a drug dealer.

 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “The plan was simple enough. Crash a big drug deal. Hold up the boss. Make off with the cash. Simple enough... until an undercover cop takes a fatal bullet. Now. Four small-time crooks are on the run – with a suitcase full of cocaine, two yuppie hostages, and too many secrets to keep.” 

What Did I Learn?: prosciutto is "good fucking ham."

 

You Might Like This Movie If: You figure it must be an extended version of this show.

 

Really?: 1) Hold on... there are a number of times when the gang could have cut the hostages loose without any fuss - especially when they change cars - and they don't. 2) So, Raymond is wrong about Eddie being alone in the building, and he has absolutely no idea that Eddie works for Tony Vago? I suppose criminals are often dumb, but why is this never explained? 3) Wait just a New York Minute... Raymond saw Curtis go apeshit and shoot Eddie and the undercover cop, and he KNOWS that Curtis hates Tony Vago for killing an old buddy. Why in the world would Raymond take Curtis along for backup when he meets with Vago? 4) Funny how the gang is captured on surveillance video, and yet they never seem to be recognized anywhere they go. Doesn't anyone watch America's Most Wanted?

 

Rating: Truth or Consequences New Mexico is certainly an entertaining movie, and Kiefer Sutherland turns in a fine performance as coke-snorting sociopath, Curtis (by contrast, Vincent Gallo always seems to play some variation of his character in Buffalo 66). Unfortunately, ToCNM drags by the end, the plot holes become a bit obvious, and somehow, Raymond and Addy - who start out as the film's protagonists - somehow get a little lost in the shuffle. 6/10 stars.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120383/?ref_=sr_1

A Family Thing (1996)

Synopsis: Loveable redneck gets a soulful surprise! [Come to think of it, this film is the Bizarro-Cadence: Robert Duvall arrives at the startling realization that he *is* black.]

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Oscar winner Robert Duvall and James Earl Jones star in this uplifting film that touches the heart with remarkable characters, refreshing humor and infectious charm.” 

What Did I Learn?: If a bunch of gang-bangers are harassing you in mid-day traffic, it’s not a great idea to step out of your truck in order to confront them. Why the f*** would anyone do that? 

You Might Like This Movie If: You love it when shocking family secrets are revealed. 

Really?: 1) Um... if Earl is supposed to be half-black, was Robert Duvall a good casting choice? And come to think of it, don’t blue eyes come from a recessive gene? If Earl’s mother was 100% African-American (presumably with brown eyes), wouldn’t it have been impossible for him to be born with blue eyes? 2) I realize Earl has lost his wallet and his truck, and he’s had an incredibly shitty week, but I had a hard time believing he would essentially live like a homeless person for a night or so. 3) See “What Did I Learn?”

Rating: Co-written by Billy Bob Thornton(!) A Family Thing is a tad contrived in places (more than a few times I found myself thinking: “real people don’t act this way!”), but it is nice character-driven drama with some important things to say about racism, the need for family, and the ability of love and forgiveness to heal all emotional wounds. Duvall and Jones work well together, but the standout performance in this movie belongs to Irma P. Hall as the indefatigable Aunt T. – she’s great. 8/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116275/?ref_=sr_1

Dirty Rotten Scoundrels (1988)

Synopsis: Conniving crooks compete cruelly, create carefully-constructed chronicles, con credulous contributors.

 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “One’s got a sophisticated, sauve and debonair con act. The other’s got...well, an act. Together, Steve Martin and Michael Caine are Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, and they’re absolutely ruining the Riviera in this ‘wonderfully crafted, absolutely charming, classy, [and] consistently amusing’ (Variety) comedy.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) "A poacher who shoots at rabbits may scare big game away." 2) "To be with another woman, that is French. To be caught, that is American." 3) Marrying a prince isn't such an attractive proposition if he comes with a mentally-disturbed younger brother.

 

You Might Like This Movie If: You think this is an extremely funny trailer, and you want to see more. (Such a pity that scene never appears in the film itself).

 

Really?: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is a light-hearted comedy, and not meant to be taken all that seriously. I can overlook some of the ridiculous cons and counter-cons, but I had a bit of trouble believing a middle-aged man (Martin) would put up with even half of Jamieson's (Caine) bullshit. The part of Freddie would have been a bit more credible had it been cast with a younger actor.

 

Rating: Best remembered for Steve Martin's short-but-incredible, tour-de-force performance as "Ruprecht", Dirty Rotten Scoundrels is an enjoyable little comedy with a number of funny scenes. While Martin and Caine share some genuine comedic chemistry, watch for Ian McDiarmid (aka Emperor Palpatine from the Star Wars movies) as Jamieson's acid-tongued butler - he delivers some of the movie's best lines. 8/10 stars.

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095031/?ref_=rvi_tt

Naked City: Justice With a Bullet (1998)

My apologies - I'm still experiencing computer issues, so it may take me a few days to work through my backlog of movie reviews  - Eli.

Synopsis: Ok, there's a hitman who's gunning for a cop, and a couple of tourists who go on a killing spree, and another cop who likes to hang out in art galleries, and... oh, who am I kidding - this movie has more plots than the Mt. Pleasant Cemetery!

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “New York City is the heart of the world. And the blood flows freely.”

What Did I Learn?: If you really, really need some information from a convicted prisoner, your best course of action is to, um... beat it out of him?!

You Might Like This Movie If: You firmly believe every old B-movie should be re-made and re-made. 

Really?: 1) See "What Did I Learn?" 2) So wait - a couple of young, female tourists from Ohio (one is a kindergarten teacher, while the other works in an office) ice some of NYC's worst drug dealers, and then the cops simply [NO SPOILERS!]? For reals? Is this a modern-day Perils of Pauline? 

Rating: Naked City: Justice With a Bullet is fine for an evening's entertainment, but it's contrived, forgettable, and a borderline bad movie. There are too many plots, too many villains, and Scott Glenn is basically wasted in his role as an artistic cop. (Interestingly, Glenn is the lead, and yet he's almost never on-screen!) Oh - and I simply didn't buy the tourists-out-for-justice storyline. 5.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0168085/?ref_=fn_al_tt_6

Lost in Translation (2003)

Synopsis: Aging Ghostbuster and bored ingénue demonstrate that feeling lonely and isolated in a foreign country can be a lot of fun.

 

Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “Bob Harris (Bill Murray) and Charlotte (Scarlett Johansson) are two Americans in Tokyo. Bob is a movie star in town to shoot a whiskey commercial, while Charlotte is a young woman tagging along with her workaholic husband (Giovanni Ribisi). Unable to sleep, Bob and Charlotte cross paths one night in a luxury hotel bar. This chance meeting soon becomes a surprising friendship.” 

What Did I Learn?: It's easy to pick up American chicks at a hotel bar if you're the only guy around who speaks English.

 

You Might Like This Movie If: you know than not just anyone should attempt karaoke.

 

Really?: If Bob is a movie star (or at least a somewhat faded one), wouldn't Charlotte's husband and a few more of the Americans recognize him? And do Japanese business executives mind being woken up in the middle of the night by an incoming fax?

 

Rating: Lost in Translation is a beautiful, thought-provoking film featuring fine chemistry between Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson, as well as good writing and some incredible cinematography – this easily makes up for Sofia Coppola’s performance in The Godfather Part III. My only complaint would be that while the movie is set in Japan, we never get to know any of the Japanese characters, who are more plot devices than anything else. (Although it’s unlikely Bob and Charlotte would have found each other if they could easily converse with anyone Japanese). Highly recommended. 10/10 stars.

 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0335266/?ref_=sr_1

Bad Apple (2004)

Synopsis: First half of the movie: America's least-professional FBI agent infiltrates criminal organization; Second half: it's a big Benny Hill chase.

Blurb From the DVD Jacket: “Dark comedy, surprising plot twists and an FBI agent with attitude highlight this offbeat crime drama.”

What Did I Learn?: FBI surveillance agents buy a lot of their stuff from Radio Shack, and a topical anti-septic isn't terribly useful against a bad toothache. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You realize that even trained, professional law enforcement agents aren't always at the top of their game. 

Really?: Wow... the criminals in this film sure enjoy taking FBI agents as hostages, don't they? I also had a bit of trouble believing Bells would bother grabbing Tozzi and his girlfriend in order to torture and kill them, when his better course of action would be to get the fuck out of dodge. 

Rating: Bad Apple never really crosses the line into bad movie territory, but it certainly isn't great, either. Chris Noth and Colm Meany enjoy some nice buddy chemistry, and the script provides a few laughs here and there, but the storyline stops making sense around the mid-point, just as it devolves into a hostage-taking chase, reminiscent of Big Trouble. 6.5/10 stars. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0383902/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1