Editor's Note: While I may or may not get around to reviewing Ocean's Thirteen, there is no way I'm going to sit through a certain piece of crap known as Ocean's Twelve. If you haven't seen this film, don't. Watching it, I had a funny feeling a whole bunch of Hollywood turds were given an all-expenses-paid trip to Europe in exchange for making a movie they knew would be horrible, but would also bring in a ton of money.
Synopsis: Rich, charming, good-looking thieves steal millions from rich, charming, good-looking villain, and we’re supposed to care.
Blurb From the VHS Jacket: “The plan is set. The rules are clear. If all goes right for Danny Ocean’s grafters, the payoff is $150 million. Divided by 11. You do the math.”
What Did I Learn?: Parole boards love to help out convicts who provide smart-alec answers to legitimate questions.
You Might Like This Movie If: You enjoy a good heist, even if the stakes are rather low.
Really?: How did they get all of those flyers into the hotel vault? And wouldn’t Benedict have been surprised that Ocean wasn’t savagely beaten up near the end? And wouldn’t his goons have heard the conversation between Ocean and the big dude who was hired to beat him up?
Rating: This film is marginally better than the original Ocean’s 11, only because its focus is on the heist, rather than Sinatra’s funny phone calls or Cesar Romero figuring out what happened after the fact. Mid-way, however, the remake stops being a movie we can follow, and instead becomes an increasingly implausible spectacle that overwhelms us with special effects and plot twists. Much like Angie Dickinson’s cameo, Julia Roberts’ role is incidental to the plot, Andy Garcia’s character never comes across as a terribly bad guy, and even the folks who made this movie admit it contains a plot hole or two. 7/10 stars.