Beetlejuice (1988)

 

Happy Halloween!! 

Synopsis: World’s most inept ghosts match wits with pervy spectral weirdo and nouveau riche New Yorkers with hideous taste. 1988

Blurb From the DVD jacket: “The Name in Laughter and the Hereafter” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Live people ignore the strange and unusual. 2) The living won’t usually see the dead. 3) In Heaven there wouldn’t be dust on everything. 4) The handbook for the recently deceased reads like stereo instructions. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to learn about the mystery of Betelgeuse. 

Really?: 1) So, Betelgeuse (not “Beetlejuice” which is the actual title of the movie), wants to marry Lydia (Winona Ryder), even though she’s only 14? Gee, that’s a bit creepy even for a film about the supernatural. 2) I’m curious: why does Juno get so upset about Ortho getting his hands on a copy of the handbook? People have been dying since the beginning of human history, and I have to imagine that some living soul would have obtained the handbook or its predecessors before the events of this movie. 

Rating: While I have to give director Tim Burton credit for his set design and for crafting a somewhat charming and highly original black comedy, I’ve never found Beetlejuice to be all that funny (in my opinion, the often-remembered calypso dancing scene falls flat) or compelling. The film relies heavily on deliberately bad-looking special effects and moments of mayhem and doesn’t allow for much character interaction or development. The audience expects a verbal showdown between the current and previous owners of the house with Lydia as intermediary, but it never happens. 6/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094721/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

Shaft in Africa (1973)

 

Shaft #4

Synopsis: Um…the title of this film is Shaft in Africa. Take a wild guess where he goes. 

Blurb From the DVD jacket: “Finally, there’s Shaft in Africa (‘He’s the Brother Man in the Motherland' proclaimed the ads) with our hero bringing down a slavery cartel.” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) John Shaft learned stick fighting by conducting the New York Philharmonic (and he’s apparently so good at it that he’s able to defeat men who have been doing it all of their lives). 2) Shakespeare was a Johnny-come-lately. 3) The size of a man’s nose is apparently a good indicator for the size of his you-know-what. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're a die-hard fan of the Four Tops. 

Really?: This film’s entire plot is patently ridiculous. Let’s see - the Emir has Shaft beaten up twice, kidnapped, and even locked in a room that’s 43 degrees Celsius, but Shaft nevertheless agrees to go on an extremely dangerous assignment in Ethiopia despite not knowing any language besides English. The villains know that Shaft is trying to infiltrate their human smuggling operation and even attempt to kill him on numerous occasions, yet he can’t bring himself to alter the compromised plan. 

Rating: Shaft in Africa is a big departure from the first two Shaft films; Richard Roundtree does a decent job of carrying this movie, and even manages to make his character somewhat likeable, but the plot doesn’t make any sense (see: “Really” and “What Did I Learn?” #1) the ending looks slapped-together and by Shaft’s own admission, he isn’t James Bond so it’s disconcerting to see him as a globe-trotting superhero rather than the Big Apple-savvy, leather trenchcoat wearing private eye we met in the first two flicks. Shaft in Africa isn’t quite a bad movie, but it comes close to becoming one. 5.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070679/?ref_=tt_sims_tt

Shaft's Big Score (1972)

 

Shaft #3

Synopsis: Leather-clad private detective enjoys casual sex with a variety of women as he works closely with a Harlem gangster to wipe out a mafia family… wait, isn’t that pretty much the plot of the first movie? 

Blurb From the DVD jacket: “…seeking a friend’s murderer in Shaft’s Big Score! - and mixing it up with mob thugs.”

What Did I Learn?: 1) In New York, circa 1972 there was already enough shit on the sidewalk. 2) Shaft is a gamblin’ man. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You're ready to move on from Hayes' memorable theme music from the first picture. 

Really?: 1) Gee….I was kinda hoping to hear Isaac Hayes’ Theme From Shaft, but apparently he and director Gordon Parks had a big falling out. I’m quite surprised the studio didn’t buy the rights to that song. 2) Strange how Shaft never has a big confrontation with Kelly, even though he knows he had Cal Asby murdered. Strangely, Shaft visits Kelly's apartment to talk to him, bangs his girlfriend when Kelly isn't at home, and doesn't speak to him again. 

Rating: Shaft’s Big Score features an impressive car-boat-helicopter-and-foot chase near the end, but it’s otherwise a watchable-but-lacklustre sequel to Shaft; the plot is rather thin, long stretches pass without anything much happening, and unlike the original, you won’t find Richard Roundtree’s title character in every scene. 6.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0069257/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

Shaft (1971)

 

Shaft #2

Synopsis: Foul-mouthed New York private detective somehow stays out of the slammer, obtains money, sex and favours, and even cracks a big case even though he manages to insult everyone he encounters. 

Blurb From the DVD jacket: “Shaft’s the name. Excitement’s the game!” 

What Did I Learn?:1) Don’t let your mouth get your ass in trouble. 2) Gangster Bumpy Jonas sells “broads and dope and numbers,” while Shaft sells “crap and blue skies,” but it’s all the same game. 3) Money ALWAYS matters. 4) Shaft charges $50 an hour plus expenses and insists upon no questions about how he spends it. [According to the Bank of Canada’s inflation calculator, $50 in 1971 is equal to about $324 in 2020]

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to see the ho-hum detective movie that inspired an amazing soundtrack. 

Really?: 1) See: “Synopsis.” Holy shit, Shaft throws a guy out of his office window onto the street and kills him, yet the cops let him go with a warning to stay in touch even though he’s rude to them and doesn’t provide many answers. 2) I wonder how Shaft can wear all of that leather without squeaking everywhere he goes. 

Rating: John Shaft isn’t a terribly likeable character (he’s kind of a jerk - see “Synopsis” and “Really?”), and this film is a bit dated, but Shaft is still a somewhat entertaining and compelling gumshoe thriller as well as an interesting look at New York in the early 1970s. 7.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067741/?ref_=ttqt_qt_tt

Shaft (2019)

 

Shaft #1

Synopsis: Venerable blaxploitation franchise descends into self-parody. 

Blurb From the DVD jacket: “Legendary bada** John Shaft (Samuel L. Jackson) agrees to help his estranged son JJ (Jessie T. Usher), uncover the truth about his friend’s suspicious death.” 

What Did I Learn?: Never throw up on the hot girl that’s feeling you. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You would gladly watch Samuel L. Jackson in just about anything. 

Really?: 1) So, Samuel L. Jackson was over 70 when he made this film? Isn’t that a bit old for swashbuckling? 2) Hmm… Shaft demands money from a drug dealer for scuffing his coat, but doesn’t think to reimburse the poor truck driver who now has a shattered windshield because he fired a shotgun at the fleeing bad dude. 

Rating: I wanted to like Shaft - my girlfriend saw it on a plane and suggested it might make a nice date night movie, but it left me somewhat cold. To be sure, the film delivers several good laughs, which is why it deserves at least a few stars, but aside from Usher’s terrible acting, that’s the main problem: the non-stop zingers (most of which are fairly crass) and occasional episodes of slapstick don’t mesh with the more serious plot, and this Shaft simply doesn’t feel like a worthy successor to the Richard Roundtree action thrillers of the 1970s. I cannot recommend this movie. 4/10 stars. 

Would it Work For a Bad Movie Night?: Absolutely! Take a drink any time you find yourself thinking John Shaft Jr. (Usher) is a little too whiny to be a likeable protagonist. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt4463894/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

Paul (2011)

 

Synopsis: Did you ever want to see E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial reimagined as a dopey buddy stoner comedy? Today is your lucky day…. 

Blurb From the DVD jacket: “Paul is a must-own comedy adventure not to be missed!”

What Did I Learn?: 1) In America, kidnapping a Christian is worse than harbouring a fugitive. 2) You have to spin a good yarn before you can weave a great dream. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You want to get to know the real Paul. 

Really?: 1) Ok, I realize the entire premise of this film - and most of its humour - derives from Paul sounding like Seth Rogan, and acting like a weed-smoking jerk, but he’s still an alien… he has some unusual powers, but does he ever actually think differently than humans? He never seems to provide any insights into his observations of Earth or the human condition. 2) Funny how Graeme and Clive are visiting the US from the UK, but this fact gets almost entirely buried; real cops would have mentioned that the RV-driving nerds they encountered earlier were British, for example, and I expected Paul to make an “Airstrip One” joke, but it never came. 3) I’m certainly not a Creationist, but the film’s treatment of Ruth and her father was pretty despicable; had Simon Pegg and Nick Frost painted any other ethnic or religious group as being so violent, ignorant, and closed-minded they would have been accused of bigotry. 

Rating: While the depiction of the Buggs left a bad taste in my mouth (see: "Really?" #3), Paul is otherwise a relatively enjoyable buddy comedy that pokes some good-natured fun at some iconic science fiction films and doesn’t take itself too seriously. 7/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1092026/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

The Best of Times (1986)

 

No, I'm not doing a tribute to Robin Williams - I simply forgot that the last film I reviewed was Dead Poets Society.

Synopsis: Over-the-hill losers decide to replay that big high school football game years later because it will somehow bring the town back to life, or some similar convoluted bullshit. 

Blurb From the DVD jacket: “a hilarious film full of heart and charm, THE BEST OF TIMES makes good on the American dream. Join the team that wants to win for all the right reasons!” 

What Did I Learn?: 1) Jack Dundee (Robin Williams) is “pretty fast for a Caucasian” and lies about never having paid for sex; his best friend thinks he’s a “low life, blackmailing chickenshit squid.” 2) Throwing orange paint on people is a good way to make them angry. 

You Might Like This Movie If: You know what it's like to live with a hoarder. 

Really?: 1) Funny how everyone associated with the 1972 Bakersfield team is ready, willing and available to play a rematch in 1985, yet Jack and the others have great difficulty tracking down their own offensive line. (Come to think of it, wouldn’t the return of these players have been more interesting and meaningful if Jack and Reno had tracked down each one and talked to them a la Oceans Eleven?) 2) So, what has Kid Lester been up to all of these years, and how does he apparently have his strange, mystical powers? Shouldn’t the audience have met him a little earlier than the big game right at the end? 3) This is a big one: it’s not entirely clear if Jack intentionally brings the tiger costume into his team’s locker room; if it was a mistake, it’s a giant fuck-up and I can’t believe anyone would be that stupid. If he knowingly did it to fire up Reno, it’s still incredibly risky because it could ruin their friendship (Jack threw paint on Reno’s wife while wearing that costume, for crying out loud!) and make Jack a complete social pariah. 4) It’s strange how the residents of Taft spontaneously decide to clean up their town in anticipation of the big game; it’s also a bit odd that such a story apparently doesn’t generate any news media coverage. 5) Holy shit, if I had to listen to Land of Hope and Glory one more time, I was going to snap. 

Rating: The Best of Times is an interesting comedic misfire. Williams and Kurt Russell work well together, and I liked their buddy chemistry, but the film suffers from some credibility and pacing issues, and the script really would have benefited from a rewrite. 6.5/10 stars. 

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090713/?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0